Too Much to Bear My Love

Ella

I’ve been replaying my conversation with Henry all day long, repeating the exchange over and over in

my mind and trying to decipher if the old Alpha was trying to want me as a mere precaution, or because

he really believes we have something to be worried about. After Henry left this evening I got online and

started looking into the actual mechanics of the election – something I should have done from the very

beginning.

It all looks fairly simple on paper. All eligible Alphas compete in the public arena and all the shifters in

the realm vote on election day. This usually results in two or three frontrunners, and the Alpha council

makes its selection based on the remaining competitors. If there’s a wide margin and a clear winner,

they usually just reinforce the popular Vote, but when there are ties or controversies, they provide an

important check on the system.

Once elected, the Alpha King will remain in power until they die, coronate one of their heirs, or are

removed from power by council decree.

Historically elections are actually very rare, because most King’s belong to an existing dynasty and

pass down the title through the generations of their children. As I’m reading, I discover that the current

King is the only the third ruler in history to ever be removed from power, and his own election five years

ago was the first in 200 years.

The fact that the wolves are already having another Vote is absolutely unprecedented. The knot in my

stomach tightens as all this information comes together. I realize that Henry was right to warn me, after

all.

“What are you frowning at so intently, trouble?”

Sinclair inquires, striding out of the bathroom and ruffling his wet hair with a towel. Another Swath of

terry cloth is slung around his hips, and water drips down his bare torso. My mouth waters as I take in

the sight of his rippling muscles and powerful physique, but the heavy weight in my stomach is

preventing my inner wolf from getting too distracted.

“Dominic, what will happen if we lose the campaign?” I inquire hesitantly, still sitting in bed with the

computer in my lap.

Sinclair’s face pulls into a grimace, and he crosses the distance between us, peeking at my screen.

Seeing a dozen tabs worth of dry political research open in my browser, he slides his hand around my

nape, massaging my tense muscles. “Doing some research?”

“Yes.” I confirm gravely. “And I have to admit, I’m worried.”

He sits on the edge of the bed, still cradling my head in his oversized hand. “What’s bothering you

most?”

“I just feel like everything is getting more confusing and out of hand every day.” I share.

Your father explained a little of the history to me, and when I stop and think about all the secrets,

conspiracies and crises that keep popping up.. it’s hard not to feel like something seriously sketchy is

going on. I’m beginning to feel like a pawn in some game I didn’t even know I was playing.”

Sinclair pauses, his hands stilling on my body.

Am I making you feel that way?”

“No, not you.” I assure him, closing the laptop and sliding closer to Sinclair. “But I also don’t know who

is pulling the strings here. I feel like we’re being swept up in something much bigger than us, and it

scares me.”

Sinclair nods in understanding, “I’m scared too.”

He admits, shocking me.

“You are?” I squeak, scooting even closer and practically climbing on top of him.

Sinclair purrs and pulls me all the way into his lap.

“Of course I am. I have a lot to lose.” He proclaims soberly, squeezing me tightly so that I know he’s

talking about Rafe and me. “But that’s not a bad thing. It’s a constant reminder about what’s really

important. It helps me keep our family safe and pushes me to take precautions I might not otherwise.

It’s the reason I can’t accept defeat in It’s strangely comforting to hear this huge Alpha confessing his

own fears. On one hand it should terrify me to know that he doesn’t feel as indomitable as he always

seems, but I like knowing that I’m not alone in this – that I’m not just being silly or cowardly.

I understand that you have to approach the campaign as if losing is not an option.” I tell him, moving to

straddle his thighs and take his face in my hands. I stare up into his fierce green eyes, brushing my

thumbs over the layer of scruff covering his stony jaw. “But it is a possibility, and I need to prepare for

that. I need to know what to expect, I need to know the plan.”

Sinclair exhales heavily, his hands clenching and unclenching on my waist. His rugged mouth is set in

a hard line, and I quickly see that he doesn’t want to add to my fears by putting new possibilities in my

head. “You must have one.

You’re too smart not to prepare for the worst case, even if you don’t plan on letting it come to pass.”

He drops his head to the crook of my neck, breathing in my scent and rumbling deep in his chest. “If I

lose the campaign..” He begins slowly, his voice like gravel in my ear. “It will all depend on how fast the

Prince moves, and where we are when it happens.”

Sinclair doesn’t say any more, and I nudge his head up, forcing him to look me in the eye again.

But you must have some idea -“

“Ella, I have dozens of contingency plans in place.”

Sinclair interrupts, sounding as though he’s run out of patience. “I have plans for getting you out of the

territory while I stay behind, I have plans for us being exiled together, for my imprisonment, my death,

your capture. If you can think of it, I have a plan for it, sweetheart. But we don’t know how this is going

to play out yet, and I can’t tell you which plan we’re going to need if the worst happens.”

My lower lip quivers dangerously, and I can’t help the fresh bloom of hurt that blossoms in my chest.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were this worried? I thought we agreed that I can’t avoid danger if I don’t

know it exists.”

Sinclair takes a deep breath, appearing to calm himself. “All Alphas have plans like this, Ella.” He

explains. “Whether Or not there is a campaign, Alphas always have targets on their backs. I had these

plans for Linda when we were married, and I have my men drafting new plans as the situation

develops.”

“Oh.” I murmur, my pain easing a little. “So you just didn’t consult me.”

“Baby, I don’t even know all the plans.” Sinclair counters. “These are emergency scenarios which our

guards spend countless hours developing and memorizing. I notify them every time a new threat or

vulnerability develops, and they build it into their equations.”

This makes sense, but my bullshit barometer is still flashing red in my mind. “But you must know the

most likely ones – you must have directed your men about how to care for the baby and me if you can’t

be there to protect us yourself?”

“Yes.” Sinclair concedes, lifting me off of him and rising to his feet. He’s pacing now, giving off the feral

energy of a caged animal. “And I didn’t tell you because I’m already going out of my fucking mind with

worry about all this! I can’t stand thinking about these possibilities myself, so I certainly didn’t want to

frighten you with them too.

” He glances at me regretfully, raw emotion blazing in his brilliant irises. “I couldn’t stand the idea of

looking you in the eye and telling you I might not be able to protect you and this baby the way I’ve

promised I always will.”

My heart softens, and not for the first time,I realize just how much stress Sinclair is under.

Moreover, I realize just how much he downplays his own anxieties and fears in order to prioritize mine.

“Listen to me, Dominic. I know you have your Alpha pride and you get to make the rules and all that

other nonsense.” I summarize impudently, climbing out of bed and approaching the big wolf. “But I also

know Lunas are supposed to share their mate’s burdens and soothe them when they’re being

impossible and stubborn. We know I’m not just some weak human now. I can handle more than you’re

giving me credit for.”

The corner of Sinclair’s mouth twitches, and I whip my pointer finger toward him in warning,.

It’s time you let me help you.” I declare imperiously, notching my chin up. “So tell me what I can do to

make you feel better, and I’ll do it.”

As I glare up at Sinclair, I suddenly realize that I might have bitten off more than I can chew. His eyes

are glowing now, and his fangs extended. His scent has deepened and grown even richer, and all of a

sudden I find my body hitched up against his.

The finger I’d been pointing at him is now trapped in his powerful fist, and the breath is wrenched from

my lungs as his growl washes over me.

“You know the problem with all this, little wolf?”

He asks, sending shivers of delight down my spine. “When I told you she-wolves soothed their mates, I

didn’t mean they did it with kind words and cuddles. What I need is to feel in control even though the

world around me is falling apart. What I need is to calm the wolf clawing his way out beneath my skin,

rabid with the need to claim his mate”

I gulp, feeling my own wolf roll right over and expose her soft underbelly to him. “Well, what are you

waiting for?”