The Villainess and I, her Zombie

"But first..."

Zombie muttered to himself, letting Banana go, but not taking his hands away completely just in case she would plop right back down.

"You good?"

He asked the local guild master as she crossed her arms and shivered.

"No – I'm not, for the matter of fact – I just got attacked by one of my own employees with whom I thought I had a rather positive relation, and then got saved by you, a kid who I remember while you were seven years old sneaking out from Laura's farm to do missions despite her opposition. How could I be okay?!"

Banana complained angrily, briefly pointing at the gory mess at Zombie's feet, as well as Zombie himself.

"For system's sake, what happened to you? Has it really been that long? I could swear that the last time I saw you was only five years ago! How did you get yourself turned into an undead?"

She asked rubbing her forehead as if she was getting a headache.

"Oh, You are not that far off, I'm currently eleven."

The blue undead looking like a sixteen-year-old boy waved his hand dismissively and bend down, reaching for and grabbing the hand of Banana's attacker that got severed when Zombie cut him in half.

"P-pardon me? What do you mean you're eleven? Level? But you were stronger than that... ah, I see, once you got turned into an undead your level had reset..."

Banana shook her head and furrowed her brows in confusion.

"No. Miss Banana, we have seen each other four years ago. At this point in time, the age of my body is eleven years old."

Zombie glanced at her with a weirded-out smile, as if she was the unreasonable one, and straightened his back.

"...eh...?"

"When it comes to levels, I am currently level 5 after my second rank up... oh-ho, what do we have here..."

Zombie said to her while taking the ring off of the fingers of the deceased attacker and putting it up to look at it in the moonlight.

Then he did something odd – it looked like he put the ring up to his ear, the one that Banana couldn't see from her point of view, and nodded.

"Ah, I see. Charm protection."

He nodded tossing the severed hand beside the body – and then he kicked the upper half of the body so that the face of the attacker would be revealed.

"Eh?!"

As the face of an adult man with a deformed face got illuminated by the moonlight, Banana gasped in confusion, momentarily forgetting about the confounding case of Zombie's mismatched looks and age.

"Not the one who you expected, huh? So, do you have any idea what have you done to get into the bad wrong side of the main branch of the Envy family?"

Zombie smirked and began searching through the very tight clothes that the corpse was wearing – their size was so ridiculously wrong that it looked like an adult tried to fit into a child's outfit.

"Envy...? Well, that makes a little bit more sense than Grape suddenly trying to kill me..."

Banana rubbed her temple and sighed...

"Wait, what do you mean the main branch?! This guy?! Have you ever seen anyone from their main family?!"

...she flinched and called out gesturing at the disfigured face sticking out of the way too small hood.

"Grape? The kobold receptionist? Ah, doesn't matter, we'll talk about that later. Aha...!"

Zombie shrugged his shoulders while ripping open the man's cloak and spotting a pendant – which he promptly took off and put up to his ear just like the ring.

"Interesting – you put a fragment of your target into it and this thing points you to their exact location? What a specific benefit!"

The blue undead snorted, hiding the pendant in his pocket together with the ring.

"Now then..."

He murmured to himself, turning around to check the other half of the corpse – which also increased in size after death – and ended up fishing out a small coin pouch.

"...?"

Banana furrowed her brows – as the undead moved, a peculiar golden earring glistened in the night – it was shaped like a small snake wrapping around the boy's blue ear – even despite the compromising lighting it looked almost lifelike and must have been a rather expensive ornament – and more than likely an artifact too.

"And for the main dish..."

Zombie smirked and reached out for the one-handed short sword that the dead attacker dropped as he was struck by the bone-white blade.

"...!"

Banana kind of expected the boy to put up the weapon up to his ear too, but got surprised when instead of doing that, the undead simply put it close to the pommel of his own weapon – and in the next moment, a few crimson red strings sprouted out of the said pommel and coiled around the blade of interest.

"Ooooh! Master, this has a really nice skill! Automatic defense! As long as enough mana is provided, this skill will allow the user to deflect any physical attack coming their way! I want to eat it!"

Of all things that Banana expected to witness, a talking sword wasn't one of them – but there it was.

Without a doubt, the slightly muffled high-pitched voice was coming out of the expensive scabbard on the blue undead's waist!

"It really does sound nice. Go ahead."

Zombie smirked and nodded with approval.

"Yaay! Thank you, master!"

*CRUNCH*

The sword squeaked happily and suddenly the crimson thread burst out of its pommel and wrapped around the other weapon – to crush and apparently devour it with a loud unpleasant sound, as when the crimson threads retracted, there was no trace of the shortsword left.

"Good. Now, for getting rid of the body..."

Zombie nodded to himself and stacked the corps's pieces on top of each other and leaned over it with his mouth open.

"Wait a moment, what do you mean getting rid of the corpse?! That's a piece of evidence proving that I was atta...!"

***********

Banana flinched and took a step forward, reaching her hand towards the blue undead, but at that very moment his eyes and mouth lighted up with white light, and a stream of some transparent – water-like liquid gushed out, right at the fragmented attacker.

''!!!!!!"

It obviously wasn't water – the moment it touched the body and fabric alike, it began melting it with a nauseating sound that made the woman's skin crawl with disgust.

Less than two minutes – that was all that it took for the corpse to turn into a brownish-red puddle that didn't even look that odd next to all the mud left by the rain.

"Whew... Sorry for the wait. Once we're in some better place I shall explain things to you."

The blue undead straightened his back and licked his lips making sure that no stray drop of venom drips onto his clothes, and asked rather cheerfully.

"That said... Do you have a safe place like that? Since this guy was posing as a guild staff member, let's assume that guild isn't exactly the best spot for now, and probably neither is your official house... The only place that comes to my mind is Laura's farm, but if I remember correctly, she isn't very fond of you."

He added, tilting his head innocently.

"...I..."

The black-haired woman put down her hand and hesitated.

"I know a place."

She made a sour expression and sighed.