The Assassin's Enemy Lover

247 Are you feeling guilty

With a light whoosh, the sliding door for the captain’s cabin opened illuminating the dark room. Zi Xingxi stood by the door staring at the ball curled up on the bed and sighed.

He had been like this ever since he passed out from all that crying. If Zi Han kept sleeping like this Zi Xingxi wouldn’t feel at ease.

She scratched the back of her head before calling out softly, “Han Han.”

Zi Han simply curled up further refusing to open his eyes. This was understandable. He had been through so much and needed the rest but his mother wouldn’t let him sleep longer.

In truth, Zi Han had been sleeping for sixteen hours which was very concerning. “Wake up, I made you dinner... I promise you will like it,” she said and Zi Han turned over kicking the quilt off his body.

He lay facing the ceiling with a heavy sigh. “Mn,” replied Zi Han and Zi Xingxi pursed her lips while lightly tapping the door panel. She wouldn’t leave until he was truly off the bed.

Zi Han slowly sat up his eyes puffy and with slight redness on the lids. His nose was slightly red at its tip giving him the appearance like that of the cute reindeer, Rudolf.

He rubbed his itchy nose while clearing his throat and asked, “What time is it?”

“Time for you to wake up that’s what time it is. Now wash up. Your grandfather has been a little anxious to see you. He kept tiptoeing in here back and forth to see if you are awake yet,” she said before turning to leave.

.....

Zi Han glanced at her disappearing back before getting up his steps heavy and sluggish like he was ill. Actually, he wasn’t sick but he felt like he was carrying a ton of bricks on his shoulders.

Zi Han splashed his face with water before slowly raising his head and facing the mirror. He watched on as drops of water flowed down his flawless skin his mood depressive.

His already red eyes stung with his emotions threatening to burst out again. That’s because that terrible thought had taken root again in his mind.

He knew Yi Chen would find out what he had done but what he feared wasn’t him knowing but what Yi Chen’s reaction would be. Would he despise him? Would he not want him anymore?

Such negative thoughts were the reason why he spent so many hours sleeping. It wasn’t the only thing bothering him but it was the one tearing at his heart the most.

He wiped his face but as he did so a sudden uncontrollable urge to cry overwhelmed him. He clenched the edge of the sink his knuckles turning white as his abdominal muscles contracted and he bend down crying.

His eyes closed tightly he let out a mouse-like whimper his eyelashes stained with tears. Just like a passing wave, his emotions settled and he slowly straightened his back and looked at his pathetic self in the mirror.

He couldn’t deny who he was anymore. He was unknowingly raised this way but he had a choice to pick another path. But when it came down to making that choice Zi Han didn’t even think twice about pulling that trigger with no hesitation. In fact, he was very merciful because he could have blown the prime minister’s brains out.

When he was attacked on Dark Star his attacker wasn’t as forgiving. Every move he made that day was aimed at leaving a cold corpse behind. Someone might say he should have let the law handle the matter but someone like Ikeda wasn’t that easy to pull down because of his status. He just wanted that man to pay for what he did and this was the quickest and most efficient way.

It’s just that this method might have cost him someone very important to him.

Twenty minutes later Zi Han joined his grandfather and mother at the dinner table and from their expressions alone he could see the clear worry on their faces.

Not wanting them to keep looking at his puffed-up face which seemed even worse than when he woke up he lowered his head and buried himself in his food.

Zi Feiji pinched a piece of shrimp in between his chopsticks and placed it into Zi Han’s bowl before saying, “Eat more.”

Zi Han’s actions paused with a grain of rice stuck at the corner of his lips. He wanted to say something but when he opened his mouth he couldn’t say anything. He simply continued to eat while his mother was staring at him with her clasped hands propping her head.

The three ate in silence but the atmosphere was so heartwarming and healing to Zi Han’s heart.

After eating Zi Feiji brushed away Zi Han’s hair that had grown longer away from his face while saying, “Are you feeling guilty?”

Zi Han raised his head and glanced at his grandfather for a second before lowering it again and shaking it.

Zi Feiji placed his hand on the side of Zi Han’s face and head before saying, “Good... you did what had to be done and none of us see anything wrong with that. Whatever decision you make I and your mother have your back.... do you understand?”

Zi Han closed his eyes unable to raise his head to look at his grandfather feeling ashamed. Unfortunately, Zi Feiji wasn’t accepting this. He forced him to look up and asked again, “Do you understand?”

Zi Han nodded his head and his grandfather kissed his forehead before saying, “Go to the upper deck. Your mother will be waiting for you there.”

Zi Han nodded his head again before turning to leave. He gave his grandfather one more glance and Zi Feiji gave him a reassuring smile. This smile was one Zi Han would always cherish. His grandfather didn’t ask any questions. He just said little and showed his love and support without many words. Rather his actions spoke volumes.

When Zi Han reached the upper deck it was amazing to find a starry night sky above his head. It was both mesmerizing and beautiful, much more enchanting than what he had seen before.

The upper deck had a pool and potted plants of various colors and characteristics giving off a relaxing air. His mother was sitting in front of a white garden table with intricate flower patterns.

When she saw him she leaned back and exhaled a puff of smoke before pointing at the seat opposite her with the lit cigarette pinched in between her slender fingers.