The Abandoned Empress

She was very confused. Looking at him holding me, she began to get angry and shouted, “Rub, what are you doing now?”

“Jiun, I’m just…” Embarrassed by her sharp voice, he hurriedly responded, but she cut him off and said with a trembling voice, “How can you do this to me? ”

“No, don’t misunderstand. Jiun! Wait a minute!”

“Ouch!” Jiun yelled and left.

As she, staring at him in anger, quickly turned around and left the audience room, he stood up, very much embarrassed, forgetting he was holding me who had lost balance.

I could hardly breathe. I felt I bumped into something, but I hurt so much that I couldn’t breathe. I curled up a lot but felt a sharp pain in my abdomen. I moaned unconsciously.

“Oh, I feel pain here in my…”

“You?”

“Ahhh…”

“Is anybody there? Call the royal doctor now!”

Unlike his aloofness, he was embarrassed and shouted at the maids. Soon the maids who came running were astonished to see me.

Why? Why is he so embarrassed? What the heck are these maids doing?

When the royal doctor rushed to me, he ordered the doctor to take care of me and left the room quickly. With a deep sigh, the doctor quietly told the maids to help me move to the bed.

The moment I got up with the help of the maids, I saw my silver dress stained with blood, which my father gave me at my coming-of-age ceremony.

I felt dizzy again.

I heard the voice of the royal doctor and the maids fading away. Smelling the strong scent of blood, I was falling into the bottomless pit.

***

I opened my eyes because of the pain. Sunlight shone through the open curtains, and birds were chirping outside the open window.

It’s morning. It’s the same morning as any other day. But why do I feel so empty?

“Oh, you are awake now. Are you okay, Your Highness?”

When I saw the royal doctor’s face, I recalled that he held me when I was about to fall out of balance with dizziness. I also remembered that she was there with him. And…

“Let me ask you some questions.”

“Sure, Your Highness!”

“I guess it, but I wonder if my expectations are correct. Did I have a miscarriage?”

“… I’m sorry, Your Highness. ”

“My guess was right.”

I guessed that because I saw my stained dress with blood, but when the doctor said I miscarried the baby, I was really at a loss how to express my feelings. The most important question was not this. I was very scared, so I didn’t have the nerve to speak, but I had to confirm a couple of more things.

“Let me ask you one more question. Can I still have a baby?”

He didn’t say anything.

“Why don’t you answer me? I asked you.”

“You were very weak… I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Your Highness.”

“I got it.”

Although I had more pain than joy when he made love to me, although I was pregnant all of a sudden, although the fetus didn’t grow enough to feel my maternal love, and although the fetus bothered me with morning sickness and dizziness, I could not see my and his baby ever. My and his baby won’t ever exist.

“…Got it. You can leave now.”

“Yes, Your Highness. Please take care. ”

Without even thinking about getting up, I stared into the air for a long time. I saw the chief palace official going back while carrying a stack of papers, and the maids on standby outside going out silently, but I couldn’t afford to pay attention to them. I touched my heart as I felt more and more empty.

When I was comforting myself lonely, I saw a man in uniform entering the room. With his silver hair shining in the sun, he was staring at me silently with his blue eyes. Suddenly, my eyes were blurred.

“Daddy..”

“What happened, Your Highness?”

“Just like you heard it, dad. I…”

“I heard His Majesty pushed you back while hurriedly standing up in order to clear the empress’s misunderstanding. That’s why you miscarried a baby. Is it true? ”

“…Who spread such frivolous rumors. It’s because I foolishly stumbled, so don’t listen to groundless rumors, dad.”

My father never heard or repeated bad rumors about the empire and the imperial family.

I couldn’t believe my ears when he asked me that question, so I just smiled at him as if nothing happened.

No matter who gossiped about me, I had to set the example as a member of the imperial family while refraining from saying or doing anything that could disgrace the empire and the imperial family.

My father, who looked at me for a while without saying anything, spoke in a low voice. There was loneliness in his blue eyes. His navy blue eyes were filled with bitterness.

“Oh, what I heard is true.”

“Daddy.”

“… You were gravely injured. Take a good rest. ”

While I was looking at my father, I lay in bed, thinking of his reminder that I should take a rest.

But how can I relax at all? As I lay still, several things came to my mind. His cold look and eyes, his cold voice with which he declared that my child would never be his successor without showing joy at all, and his cold-hearted actions when he simply called for the maids to take care of me even after I fell bleeding then followed the empress.

I felt heartbroken. I was more heartbroken by the fact that he was following her than by the fact that I lost a child I hadn’t seen yet. Perhaps it was fortunate that the child was not born to a woman like me who was frustrated more by the fact that she did not gain his love than by the fact that she lost a baby. Come to think of it, maybe he was right when he said I was indeed a cold-hearted woman.

I felt like I would go crazy when I just sat silent. So, I started working randomly. When I wake up in the morning, I read and read papers even though my head was in the clouds. I kept reading a mountain of documents until all the maids went to sleep and the day broke. When I had no more papers to read, I reread the documents I had already reviewed.

Every time I lay in bed, I kept recalling what happened that day. Every time I took a nap, I had a nightmare. I didn’t want to lie down nor sleep.

How many days passed? Or weeks? Months? When I was writing something in a dream-like state, I heard the maids whispering among themselves quietly. They said Jiun had his baby.

“Hahaha.”

I made a hearty laugh at their funny gossip for a long time. I kept laughing, while struggling to breathe, until the stunned maids ran out and my dad came running to me to talk.

“What are you doing, Your Highness?”

“Daddy, isn’t it so funny? Her Highness, that woman allegedly blessed by God got pregnant. Ahahahaha. ”

“Your Highness?”

“Isn’t it funny? My baby is gone, but she got pregnant. I can’t have any babies for the rest of my life, but she will have a baby. Isn’t this funny? Ahahahaha! ”

“Come to your senses!”

My father grabbed me by my shoulders and shook me back and forth. I tilted my head.

Why isn’t he enjoying this funny story? Why is he staring at me like that?

“What is the matter with you, dad? Isn’t it funny, dad?”

Stars flashed in my eyes. I came to my senses when I was hit by my father for the first time in my life. I didn’t have the nerve to look at my father’s face when he was gasping for breath, so I looked down slightly.

“… Sorry, Dad. ”

“Now, have you come to your senses?”

Only

“Yes, I’m sorry to show my ugliness.”

“I wish I had not married you off to him.”

I learned the royal courses as soon as I took my first step after I was designated as his wife.

Like the head of the empire’s foremost loyal family, my father never resisted the imperial decision to take me as the crown prince’s wife by treating me as the child of the prophecy.

Even when there was a confrontation between the factions who wanted to make the mysterious girl his wife and the faction who wanted to make me his wife, my father, as a faithful servant of the imperial family, didn’t raise any objection to the crown prince’s decision to take Jiun as his wife. And he humbly accepted the prince’s humiliating order to have me, who was originally chosen as his wife, accepted as his concubine.

Despite that, my father now said he regretted that he married off me to the prince. I could hardly believe my ears. Did I hear wrong? My father was not the type of man who could have said that.

“What did you say, daddy?”