The Abandoned Empress

Rublis had personal charisma, though he was cold-blooded, while she had her own grace and dignity and that one could find in the ruler. Both of them could be a nice couple, and no matter how much I thought about it, it was more appropriate for her to be with him than me.

Nonetheless, I felt bad when I imagined both of them spending time together. I was worried if he would fall in love with her, and I even feared that he could kick me out, saying he was mistaken when he thought he loved me.

I hovered around her palace. Trying to read his mind when he came back from his visit to her with a hardened look, I acted cute on purpose. I told him that he didn’t have to see her if he didn’t feel up to it, and I smiled at him when he agreed readily. I rationalized it by myself that as they didn’t get along well from the beginning, I didn’t intervene with them, I didn’t do anything wrong because I didn’t tempt him or take him from her, and I had him only while she had lots of other stuff than him, so I would not have to feel guilty about her.

But when I knew that she got pregnant with his baby, I trembled with betrayal. I now hated her because she didn’t say anything when I visited her only a few days ago.

I was jealous of her, watching him make a faint smile, and I bit my lip when he praised her.

Even though it was she who stood beside him, I felt a sense of defeatism for some reason.

He made no excuses. He said that he would not visit her again in the future and that he would love and cherish me alone. It was really hard for me to accept her baby, but I decided I would love her baby as much as possible. I vowed that even though I would not love her baby, I would not hate her child.

However, her baby did not see the light of the world, after all. Though I felt sorry for her, I thought myself cruel when I found myself rejoicing at the fact that I didn’t need to see her baby. I would have taken a different attitude if I had known why she had a miscarriage, but I really didn’t know why she lost her baby back then. As I was despised in the social circles because of my clumsy etiquette, there were no maids who could convey me the rumors about her circulating in the social circles.

When I learned that I was going to have his baby, I was happy, but at the same time, I was confused because I recalled her who must have felt miserable about my pregnancy just like I did when I heard about hers. So, I egged on him to allow me to go outside the palace, escorted by a couple of royal knights.

Amazed by the scenery outside the palace that I saw for the first time since I got here, I moved around the town, forgetting about the time.

When I said no at the urging of the knights who asked me to go back, I was ambushed by masked men. While I stiffened, stunned by their murderous intent, I was stabbed in the stomach even before I could think of escaping from the scene.

When I opened my eyes and found out that I lost my baby, I wanted to visit her and share the sadness of losing a baby with her. Since she and I lost a baby, I thought I could overcome my distress if I shared my sorrow with her.

However, I heard the news from Duke Jena that I could not believe my eyes. The criminal who was responsible for killing my baby was a knight of the Monique family, and that Marquis Monique and she were in the same boat.

I thought that’s not true. She had no reason to hate me now because she didn’t get upset with me who took her fiance from her. But my trust in her integrity began to crumble because of Duke Jena’s disinformation. Explaining to me about her miscarriage, he told me that she had been cherishing resentment of me as she thought she lost her baby because of me.

My confusion, mixed with my trust and doubt about her, dissipated clearly when Rublis was almost murdered when he visited her palace. It was evident that she was responsible for the raid and she stabbed him because she wanted to take revenge for the loss of her child. If she had not been the mastermind of the murder plan, she would not have received death sentence so quickly. And those noble families close to them would not have sat on their hands when the Monique family, one of the most powerful in the empire, was destined to be exterminated.

I thought she got paid for her crime. So, I attended the place where she was beheaded. Even though she was shabby and haggard, dragged out of the prison, she looked elegant and confident until the last minute. I got mixed feelings when I discovered that she didn’t ask for forgiveness, nor offer any apologies.

I hated her, who tried to kill me and him, and eventually killed my baby. But at the same time, I admired her because she showed dignity and pride until the last moment, which I could never have. I felt betrayed because she broke my trust in her. I was sad because she knew I had never been kind to her.

Since she made me miserable and ignored me to the end, I turned my head away from her because I couldn’t look at her. Yes, I did.

“Tia, I hate you. I hate you! I hate you because you made me feel defeated to the end. I hate you because you made me feel a sense of guilt and despair!”

Yes, I hate you.

I hate you because you never opened your heart to me even though I followed you out of admiration and approached you to get along well like a sister. Although I discovered belatedly that you were not responsible for the stabbing of the emperor and killing my baby, you never told me about it. So, I hate you because I could not say I was sorry, no matter how much I suffered from a sense of guilt about you.

And now that I lost favor with him who once loved me more than you, I hate you. I really hate you for giving me a deep sense of despair because I could not catch up with you no matter how much I tried. I hate you because you made him keep comparing me with you, although I could never surpass you. Without you, or if I had tried harder, he and I could have been happy. That’s why I really hate you so much.

“Yes, I hate you, I hate you…”

My tears came down. I was angry. I could not understand why I had to have hardship, thrown into a strange world without any reason.

I missed my family. I wanted to see their faces who came to my mind when I closed my eyes. I wanted to cry out, burying my face into my mother’s arms. According to what people said, I was the child of God’s prophecy, blessed by God, but I could not understand why God harassed me like this.

Only

“What good is my divine power? What the heck is this?”

When I broke a flower and put it on my hand, a white light came out of it, and the broken branch was reattached.

Obviously, I had extraordinary power, but I didn’t appreciate it at all. If God had to give me any power, I wish He gave me the same power as her. What’s the big deal about my healing power? Before I came to this world, I was surrounded by the best medical staff and lived in a clean environment, so I had no reason to get sick.

I trembled, looking at the empress’ palace in the dark. Now, I had nowhere to go. That’s the only place she had to go, but I didn’t have the heart to move there. I could clearly feel that I was falling out of love with him gradually, but I was frustrated because I didn’t know how to revive his affection for me. I spaced out at the fact that I might have to live like an orphan in this strange land where I had nobody to rely on.

I hated God who sent me here. I had to win his heart back by all means.

So, I decided that I had to make him never abandon me if he could not love me again. Otherwise, I was destined to repeat the fate of the abandoned concubine.

My eyes sparkled intensely when I was moving my steps toward the empress’ palace.