QT: Against My Will

223 4.47 – Carry you – Dangerous Angel

When he tried to distance himself, Bing Shi held him closer to her body, knowing that she was the cause of his suffering. She smiled weakly at the man that would overreact at the smallest thing regarding her. “It wouldn’t be spicy without a little bit of pain, right?” She pinched his cheek, “I’m not a porcelain doll.”

“Mm...” He hugged her tight, towering over her with his body, hiding his face in her chest, licking her nipple in apology, “I love you. I love you so much.” He hated himself. He really, really hated himself. As he slowly regained his senses while sucking on her breast, she caressed his hair until he fell asleep.

Bing Shi couldn’t do much but wait for him to find a way out by himself. The terrifying memories were still in the back of her mind. When she was too stressed up, they would sometimes resurface again, but giving it time, they were not as vivid as before. Nothing could be compared to the pain she felt when she lost Xuan Mu. Yes, she was tortured and abandoned by her family for being unclean, but she never thought of committing suicide – destroying the world would be a more suitable word.

Bing Shi pushed back her past and focused on what mattered the most – balancing her feelings for the good of herself, others, and for her mission. Continuing to love herself, she didn’t drown in self-hate and self-loathing like him. Xuan Mu didn’t have a self-defense mechanism like her. He remembered everything, each and every detail of his life. His past was as clear as his present, and that was why it was taking him so much longer to recover.

No matter how perfect a person’s life looked from the outside, everyone would go through a stressful period as that was a part of being a human, right?

Despite all the muscle cramps, he caused her with his weight, Bing Shi held her position. Feeling his warm breath against her chest, she tried not to fall asleep, afraid of waking him up.

As a man, he carried the burden of having to perform. Since birth, whenever he felt down, he would be stuffed with sentences like, men don’t cry, take it like a man, man up. If a man didn’t work hard and only sat at home, he would be seen as a good-for-nothing. If he showed vulnerability, he was deemed as weak and pathetic. Xuan Mu lived by these beliefs. He was naturally dominant, so combining it with such teachings, he would often feel like a failure for not being strong enough.

Tripling it for the old-fashioned Ru Quan, being protected by a woman was unacceptable. In a rush to change himself for Bing Shi, lack of sleep, fear of the uncertain future, the feeling of powerlessness, and mainly his struggle with his identity, showed itself on his mental health more than he wanted to acknowledge it.

If Ru Quan wasn’t held down by all these factors, what would be the limit of his potential? Bing Shi couldn’t imagine. What she knew was that she wanted to help him in all ways possible.

.....

When Fei Lan wondered what Bing Shi would do without the golden tight, Zhao Rong, the answer was, Bing Shi was a golden tight herself. After she obtained the rings, she went on a shopping spree. Later they’d go to the nearby forest to exchange the things from her ring to his.

Covering her mouth, Bing Shi held her laughter, gazing at the man who woke with her nipple in his mouth. “Good morning, my sugar baby ??,” she wished teasingly, “Bwahaha...”

“...” Realizing that he had been lying on her this whole time, Ru Quan instantly supported his body up, looking at the laughing woman below him, he started to massage her body in distress, “Why didn’t you wake me up? Go back to sleep. Now.”

“I had too many energy drinks. I need to deplete my energy.”

Seeing Bing Shi groping her breast sheepishly and winking at him as if taunting him, Ru Quan looked away for a few seconds, laughing at her absurdity.

There were two perfect things in the world. The word itself and their laughter. Whenever they heard it, no matter the mood of the surroundings, the world around would brighten, always. It was as if that pure and clear sound could lift the restraints around their minds, setting them free, allowing them to see the world more clearly.

Turning back, Ru Quan cupped Bing Shi’s cheeks and slipped his tongue into her mouth, silencing her addicting laughter, taking in the awful sweet taste of the energy drink, giving his devotion in exchange. Unable to deny the fact that they were each other’s weakness and strength.

“Uhn...Ngh...mpf...”

Placing her hand behind his neck, she responded to his kisses, her other hand skimmed down into his pants. She felt the warmth running down her veins, his fire that reminded her that she wasn’t alone. He was a proof that one could walk through hell, and still be a hero. Her hero. He showed her a different type of world. A world where pain and joy walked hand in hand.

Enough of cuddling; not wasting their time on sleep, they put on training robes and sneaked out of the inn to have fun outside. The inn was positioned on the outskirt of the city. Sprinting together into the forest, the cool moonlight gleamed through the branches of the trees.

Many soldiers questioned Bing Shi’s combat skills whenever she avoided Fu Lian’s attacks. But because she always refused to fight back, they couldn’t tell if it was due to luck or not. Bing Shi had a problem getting in contact with other people. She’d rather build an army and let them protect her than confront the enemy face to face. Even if Xuan Mu taught her some self-defense, she couldn’t compare to people with years of experience in real combat.