Memoirs of the Returnee

I had donned my security uniform. Idly touching the collar, I glanced at the clock hanging on the wall. It was a suitable time in the afternoon.

“…This feels awkward.”

I deliberately produced a cliche.

A cliche is a cliche because it’s a 'trite formula for success.’ It’s certain to succeed, but it’s become trite due to overuse.

However, Johanna probably has never experienced anything like this. She doesn’t enjoy media like dramas or movies, so the cliche she encountered today will undoubtedly have some impact on her.

If you remove 'trite’ from 'trite formula for success,’ it just becomes 'formula for success,’ right?

Creeeak—

Just then, the bathroom door in the room slowly opened. Zia peeked out with both eyes.

“Did my sister…?”

“She’s gone.”

“Phew.”

Zia let out a sigh of relief and stepped out into the room.

“But what kind of protection am I providing?”

I asked her about my duties.

I knew about Libra’s annual gathering, but I didn’t know how to behave. I was even doubtful if there would be any need for security in the Aerial Garden in the first place.

“After midnight… you'll have to stay by my side… The annual gathering of Libra is unusual.”

“How so?”

Annual gatherings are common events in major families. It’s no different from direct and collateral relatives gathering to foster camaraderie.

“Phantoms moves…”

“Phantoms, you say.”

“Yeah… They say it appears every year during the annual event…”

It sounded like an urban legend.

I nodded for the time being, and Zia sat down at the desk chair, spreading out some documents. She was ready to dive into work immediately.

I quietly held my position.

Thanks to her efforts, [Lithium] was growing exponentially. The weapon brand called [Lithium] had become popularized in the central-western part of Edsilla.

“lt looks like it’ll be easier to distribute in the south now that Ludeniel has been elected…”

“That’s good news.”

From Ludeniel’s Sanrama district, appropriate support would be sent to Zia.

Otherwise, not only re-election but even the election itself could be jeopardized.

Zia turned to look at me.

“lt’s thanks to you.”

“Not at all.”

I shook my head, and she fiddled with the fountain pen in her hand.

“Hey…”

“Yes?”

She turned to me with a bashful smile.

“Before midnight… shall we step out for a bit…?”

…

Zia walked through the corridors of Libra. Tap-tap-tap—her steps were somewhat erratic, but one should only believe the part of Zia that was visible.

Her innermost thoughts were known to no one.

“……”

Zia gazed intently at the portraits lining the corridors of Libra. From behind her, I asked a question.

“Are these the portraits of the past heads of the family?”

“No… they are the companions of the heads…”

“Ah, I see.”

Five women, three men.

It seemed there were only eight companions of the past heads in total. In contrast, there were no portraits of the heads themselves.

Libra, due to the family’s characteristics, greatly detests becoming 'subjects'. They absolutely refuse to be exposed in photographs and videos, and only make a slight exception for paintings.

I don’t know the reason.

Perhaps the founder was an extraordinary character.

“Do you like paintings?”

Zia turned around at my question.

“…… H u h?”

“lf you wish, I can paint one for you.”

I have a talent for painting. It was good enough to satisfy Jade, and well, it’s tiresome to repeat oneself.

After a moment of contemplation, Zia smiled faintly and nodded.

“……I think it would be worth leaving behind one portrait. But you have to give it to me. I’ll keep it for myself.”

“Of course.”

There happened to be a garden outside the corridor. We went there.

A place where various flowers bloomed and moonlight settled down like a faint mist.

I fetched an easel and set it up. Zia stood casually. I mixed the paints on the palette and picked up the brush.

Swoosh, swoosh.

I touched the canvas with the brush, capturing the statue-like figure of Zia.

At the same time, Johanna was wandering through the Aerial Garden.

She was in a foul mood.

To be specific, she felt like shit.

Her face was hot, random thoughts kept surfacing and disappearing, and when she tried to lie down to sleep, she found herself kicking the blankets off with her feet.

“……Tch.”

Eventually, Johanna stepped outside the mansion. She hoped the night air would help her calm down.

She thought she would just walk through the garden and, once she felt a bit better, return and try to sleep… but then.

“……”

She silently stared at something. In a corner of the garden, there were two people she knew.

One was awkwardly posing, and the other was painting a picture of that woman. Capturing the scene on canvas.

Shion and Zia.

Johanna felt a strange emotion as she watched them. Her chest burned with a stinging heat. It was an inexplicable sharp pain.

Shion smiled as he painted Zia. Zia seemed displeased with that, puffing up her cheeks.

It was a fucking ridiculous scene.

“……Ha.”

Johanna let out a heated breath. Grinding her teeth, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

Suddenly, a different scene played out on the dark canvas of her eyelids.

She imagined herself in Zia’s place, with Shion painting her instead of Zia.

It was such a fantasy.

If she had known him before Zia did.

If she had been the one to catch him first.

Maybe then she wouldn’t be lusting after him like this.

“……”

Without a word, Johanna turned away. She wasn’t shameless enough to cause a scene in this place.

She went back inside the mansion and looked for alcohol.

In the kitchen, she grabbed a bottle of whiskey and a glass. She sat down and poured herself a drink.

“……Not even a servant, and you’re guzzling booze in the kitchen.”

Suddenly, a dog-like voice intruded. Johanna glared murderously in that direction.

It was Jade.

“Don’t start with me, just fuck off.”

Johanna waved her hand dismissively. Jade seemed to have the same idea and turned away after taking a bottle of wine from the cellar.

“…… No.”

She changed her mind.

Johanna called him back.

“Sit down.”

“……”

“lt’s nothing serious. Just a talk. Sit.”

For Jade, Johanna's state was peculiar. Driven by curiosity, he sat down beside her.

“l'm going to see some weird shit, aren’t l?”

Glug, glug, glug, glug—

Johanna filled a glass of whiskey to the brim. She glared at the surface, which seemed about to overflow, and then gulped it down.

“……You weren’t hospitalized for nothing. Try to maintain some dignity.”

Jade clicked his tongue with a look of disgust. Johanna’s eyes sharpened menacingly.

“Hey. You, back in the day. You had a woman you couldn't live without.”

Jade’s expression turned icy in an instant. He poured wine into his glass, frowning.

“…You'd do well not to speak any further on that.”

“lt’s nothing.”

Johanna smirked.

“l'm curious how a guy like you could ever fall for someone.”

Jade’s brow furrowed. Johanna asked in a calm, settled tone.

“ls it even possible?”

Jade met her eyes. There was a shallow moisture in them. It was the first time in nearly a decade.

Only then did Jade realize that something was seriously off with Johanna.

But damn it, what did he care about this horrid sister? Better off dead or seriously hurt.

“I was capable of it.”

Jade said proudly. Then he glared at Johanna with a sneer.

“But you? Impossible. You can’t feel that gentle emotion.”

“Bullshit. Gentle my ass. Did you like her so much you took her arm?”

“…Watch your mouth, will you?”

Jade was genuinely stern. Johanna flipped him off, though she soon smirked bitterly.

“But now that I think about it… I might understand. If you want something too much, that can happen.”

“Don’t judge me by your standards.”

This time, Jade downed his wine.

“lt wasn’t that I wanted to have her.”

“Then what?”

“I wanted to be with her.”

“But you weren’t.”

At Johanna’s jab, Jade’s lips curled into a sneer.

“…That’s love.”

To love from a distance, even if you can’t be together. To acknowledge that your very existence could be a wound to her.

Yet, something you can never give up on.

That’s love.

“ldiot. Does it hurt somewhere when you love someone?”

Johanna asked mockingly. Jade met her eyes and thought for a moment.

“…”

This crazy woman, this deranged murderer with no sense of dignity, why was she seeking advice from him was beyond understanding.

“lf it doesn’t hurt, it’s not love. Rather, the pain is the measure of love.”

As a more complete human being, he supposed he could afford her that much advice.

At the stroke of midnight in the Aerial Garden of Libra, the mansion of Section 0 was deserted in preparation for the annual gathering. All external personnel had vacated the premises.

Johanna was alone again. Jade had left swiftly after boasting about his business, and she had emptied ten bottles of whiskey by herself where she sat.

It had been quite a while since she’d indulged in such heavy drinking.

“…Fucki ng id iot.”

She chuckled to herself as she wandered down the corridor.

If it doesn’t hurt, it’s not love—Rather, the pain is the measure of love —

Jade’s romanticist cosplay was nauseating, but the more she mulled it over, the more it seemed to hold some truth.

Perhaps it was the intoxication that had reached her head.

“Fuck…”

She found herself entertaining the thought.

If what Jade said was true, then she was in love.

She was in love with Shion Ascal.

She was in love, and it hurt, and she was jealous, and she wanted him.

Even possessiveness was a part of love.

Yu Hains’s words, that damn doctor, was correct…

“No.”

But still, Johanna couldn’t accept it.

She didn’t want to accept it.

She had always thought of marriage, even emotions, as tools to be used someday.

Arranged marriages weren’t invented for nothing.

Johanna planned to marry a man of matching stature, to continue the enterprise, the lineage, to create wealth worth billions of Ren.

Shion Ascal was not an option. He couldn’t even be considered.

Because his bloodline was inferior. Because he had nothing. Because even his family lineage was meager.

Having him would grant her nothing.

Yet.

Despite all that—

Johanna found herself thinking of everything about him. The less than two years they had known each other were vividly etched in her mind.

Even now, drunk, and when sober, she kept remembering the day they escaped the casino together, the time they were trapped in the barrier, and the way he said he liked her.

Yu Hains’s voice pierced her like a thorn.

—Distance yourself if possible. From Shion Ascal.

If it’s this painful, distancing is the right thing to do.

If she’s worried about him getting hurt, if she hates seeing him with Zia, if she wants to keep him by her side by any means necessary.

She should stay away from him.

—But if you feel like you can’t do that, if it seems impossible…

She should forget him. Not see his face, not keep him by her side, not even allow herself to think about him.

If she can't do that.

—Love without regret.

Love without regret.

That was a new concept for Johanna. She had lived a life without regrets, but she had also never loved anyone in her life.

—When you’re ready to acknowledge your love, come find me.

It was confusing.

Was she at the point where she had no choice but to acknowledge love? To admit that she held Shion Ascal in her heart…?

Suddenly.

Johanna stopped walking down the corridor.

“What the…”

Something flickered at the end of the hallway. It was a strange shape. It seemed like a person, like mist, like a swarm of insects—

“Stop.”

Someone approached abruptly. A man stood beside Johanna. She looked up at him without thinking.

For a moment, she felt as if she were dreaming.

There was a face before her.

A handsome man with blond hair and golden eyes. His sharp features were unforgettable.

He filled her vision completely.

“lt’s a spirit, Miss Johan na.”

Shion Ascal.

He drew his sword beside her. Johanna quietly examined his blade.

“…”

Honestly, she could kill a spirit with a single punch. Even drunk as a skunk, she could turn it to ash with a simple incantation.

“Is that so.”

But for some reason, she didn’t want to.

Johanna let out a sigh mixed with alcohol and staggered. She leaned on Shion Ascal’s shoulder.

She closed her eyes quietly.

It was a bit hard and uncomfortable…

But it was comfortable.