Martial King's Retired Life

Once upon a time, a wretched old man caned both of his disciples, who were always fighting, fifty times each and then locked them in the a dark room together to reflect on themselves. When the two were released, they were good buddies. The senior brother helped nurse his junior’s injuries, and the junior was finally respectful to his first brother. Correct, that old man was my shifu. Back then, Hong Jiu deliberately blocked the door after class because I was given the senior disciple seat instead of him.

The actual story goes like this: I just happened to be ticked off I was locked up for nothing, and Hong Jiu happened to be the only one for me to seek therapy from, so I knocked his socks off. I then nursed his injuries because I felt bad about what I did. He wasn’t feeling more respectful; he was just beaten into submission.

The strategy works. It’s easier to resolve conflicts when there’s a common enemy; it’s still sound even if it’s only transiently effective.

“It’s just a purification. Do you need to be so freaked out? You’re a Prince.” Chu Yinghua found Red Prince’s repetitive, nervous leg squeezes amusing.

Red Prince looked away to maintain his stoic tone. “Th-thisis is about pr-pride. D-don’t mess with me, or I’ll do that to you.”

“Ew, what?” Chu Yinghua’s legs reactively got into position to perform Shen Yiren’s signature Manhood-Ending Kick if Red Prince ever tried to compromise her wellbeing.

Red Prince cast his gaze to the ceiling, oblivious to the danger his manhood was in again. “I… I will teach you a lesson on behalf of Confucius! Women have no business talking about purification. What an insult to decorum.”

“Why can’t I talk about it? What’s the big deal about washing up? Does the imperial family never wash or something?”

Are you two children? Can’t you talk like adults?! Now I know why Su Xiao gets along with Chu Yinghua. I didn’t know teenagers these days are like this.

“… Why were you captured?”

“Mm… I don’t know, either. Maybe he has the hots for me.”

“What a sicko, scum, scoundrel!”

Do you need to curse me to nurture your relationship?!

“… Don’t worry. He said he’d interrogate us later. Just play along with what I say. I’ll protect you.”

“Why are you protecting me?”

“It’s only a matter of course!” Red Prince then mumbled under his breath, “It’s what a man ought to do.”

“Oh… By the way, why are you pranking Liu Shan Men?”

“I didn’t mean to prank you!”

“I know. I know you did it because you have a crush on someone, right? That’s not a license for you to send gifts to the office daily, though. The office has its own regulations, you know?”

She’s around ten years younger than him, yet she sounds more mature. Is it just a motherly nature inside her? Reminds me of when Xiao goes off at me…

“Understood… You’ve already accepted them, anyway. I won’t send any more presents.”

“That’s more like it. And stop pestering my sister. She’s kind, generous and lenient, but,” switching to a stern tone, Chu Yinghua asserted, “I have a brother-in-law.”

Brother-in-law?

“Sister told me Brother-in-law is the Vinegar King, an elite martial artist whose main course is tigers.”

“He eats tigers?!”

When did I eat a tiger?! I adore tigers! How could I bear to eat one?! And what’s this about a Vinegar King?

“She told me he stands nearly seven metres tall!”

What the hell?!

“He can move five hundred kilograms with his bare hands, slaughter wyrms with his fists, bears with his kicks and drinks their blood. When there aren’t any tigers available, he has to have three lambs, two bulls and five pigs as a substitute. Oh, he also has to have,” running out of things to reel off, Chu Huaying blurted, “two humans.”

My face: 0.0

Vinegar King, my foot! That’s a murderous, barbaric freak of the jungle!

Red Prince stuttered, “I-I will never pick a fight with him.”

Even I’m freaking out!

“Leave my married sister alone.”

Red Prince bobbed his head: “Out of respect for you, I won’t fight with her again… Do you… like Liu Shan Men?”

“Yeah, it’s my second home. Whoever gives Liu Shan Men grief is my enemy,” Chu Yinghua glared daggers at Red Prince and tacked on, “even if he’s a Prince.”

Although Red Prince didn’t see the glare, he sincerely expressed, “I won’t send gifts again. I swear it.”

“I don’t need an oath, hehehe. What a weirdo.”

Reacting as if he had eyes on the side of his head that could see the flower beside him, Red Prince asked, “Um, so, why did you join Liu Shan Men?”

“Every time I’m reminded, I seethe with anger! My family ran an escort business. There was this tyrannical young master who…”

To sum up the story delivered in clumsy fashion, it went like this: the rich son of a wealthy family in Nanjiang was one of those kinds who did squat besides leeching of his parents. To entertain himself, he decided to hire an escort company as his food delivery service, demanding they deliver roast duck from Drunk Immortal Restaurant to his place every day. People obviously would mock the company if they accepted the job. Because Chu Yinghua’s father refused, the young master started a fuss at their place. He was a surprisingly decent pugilist, but his attempt to act tough went to hell when a dozen men rocked his socks.

In retaliation, the young master turned to the law, reporting Chu Yinghua’s father to the local magistrate – with a bonus gift of several hundred silver taels. Thereafter, the magistrate caned her father until his life was hanging by a thread. Had Boss Shen not passed by, he probably would’ve died.

“What scoundrels! If I get my hands on them, they’ll never walk again.”

“Oh, true that. You’re a Prince and the current state proctor. You could do something about them. Would you be willing to bother with cases of commoners, though?”

“Of course, of course.” Red Prince turned his head over, running into Chu Yinghua’s smile, so he turned away. “Of course I would. As martial arts practitioners, it’s our duty to aid those in need, not to mention it’s my duty.”

“That’s nice to hear. There can never be too many fair civil servants. Nevertheless, that outlaw received his penance in the end.”

Based on what I heard, Boss Shen hung the young master up and caned him forty times just because she didn’t like his face. He decided to belt during the trial, so she whacked him another forty times. After convicting him of framing the escort company and bribing the magistrate, she gifted him another forty canes.

“Out of respect for Vice-Captain, he joined Liu Shan Men. Mr. Liu has truly turned over a new leaf.”

You’re tripping! I didn’t know that young snob was Liu Yuan! No wonder why he’s a professional at digging his own grave.

“Vice-Captain apprehended the culprit and cleared my father’s name. I look up to her, so I immediately signed up when Liu Shan Men recruited female constables.”

“I-I also had a similar experience two years ago.”

Although bereft of literacy finesse and incomprehensible to her, Chu Yinghua earnestly listened to Red Prince’s recount of his pilgrimage in the pugilistic world over the next few hours. The laughter broke the ice between them and built his confidence to speak without stuttering or going red in the face.

When are you two going to wrap up and start the prison break arc?! I’ve finished over thirty mantous, several pots of teas and a jar of salted vegetables! Are you trying to kill me with time?! I’m done with this.

I grabbed a ringed iron broadsword and kicked the door open. I pointed to Chu Yinghua and thundered, “I’ve decided. I’ll start with you!”

Chu Yinghua recoiled out of genuine fear and blurted, “What are you doing, Brother-in-Law.”

Well… This is awkward…

Red Prince: “You two…”

No point crying over spilt tea. Let’s go all the way.

“I’ll kill you first!”

“What would you kill her for?”

The script I had didn’t have a response for that line. Therefore, after thinking it through, I replied, “To make hotpot out of her.”

Glossary

Vinegar King – In case we’ve forgotten, “(eat) vinegar” is a way of saying someone is jealous. In the context they’re working in, an airhead could mix the two up. You can say, it’s lost in translation.

Hotpot – This specific term for hotpot is a mild-tasting hotpot (not very strong flavours) compared to the more generally used variant you might imagine. Needless to say, we’re speaking relatively.

Ringed broadsword – https://bit.ly/2GZdlrB