Forever in the Past and Forever in the Future

“She’s pregnant?” I ask out loud, no one in particular.

“Twins,” Reggie says dully.

“Based on how big she is and comparing her to when Musu was pregnant, we think she’s due any day. Since she hasn't eaten, her babies are basically using her body for nutrition. For lack of a better term, they’re eating her alive,” Milo says, as he brushes his hand against her cheek. He sits back on his heels and looks at her with tears in his eyes, “We don't know what happened to Lex. She hasn't been able to heal her for over three weeks now.”

“What did the doctor say?” I gulp hard. I plant my feet to the ground, afraid to move.

“You said no fucking doctors,” Reggie hisses at me through gritted teeth, “or have you forgotten?” 7

“LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO HER YOU SON OF A BITCH!” Saint's first words in weeks are pure rage against me. He tries to claw his way forward to take control and get to Kas, still protective of her. I take a step forward. A small piece of me, a deep down part that has been hidden away until this moment, still wants her. Still wants to keep her safe and protect her.

I look at Reggie, then Milo, then to Kas. I broke our mate bond, so why do! feel this way? How could I have let this happen? Why didn’t! listen to the people around me? What have I done? As I take in the scene in front of me, the lights flicker and Kas seems to have a convulsion, what little muscle she has left contracts, and she pulls her limbs closer to her stomach before it stops and the lights brighten.

“What was that?” I look around the room.

“We think she’s going into labor. She doesn't have any magic left, but it’s been happening for two days now.

She's so weak, we don't know how she is possibly going to give birth,” Milo wipes a tear from his eye as he watches her helplessly.

“Get the doctor,” I hear myself say, pushing Reggie aside, “Give me privacy with my mate and get the doctor now.”

“She's not your mate anymore, Bronx, but she’s still our Luna,” Milo stands up and blocks my way, “I’m not letting you hurt her.”

“I won't hurt her,” I snarl, pushing him out of the way, “Get out of here, go get the doctor.”

I hear Milo and Reggie run down the hallway, but can’t take my eyes off of Kas. Saint is pacing impatiently in my mind, “Fix her. Fix her now, asshole. Save our pups and fix our mate.”

I kneel on the ground next to the cot and look at Kas. She doesn't look real. It is like a gruesome caricature of who she used to be. I feel tears stinging the corner of my eyes.

“Kas, it’s me,” I whisper softly, trying not to let the urgency I’m feeling come through in my voice but! still hear it waver, “Kas, I don’t expect you to forgive me. Hell, I don’t even expect you to want to be in the same room with me, but for right now, please, let me try to heal you. For our pups. Let me save our pups. Please.” '

I watch for any type of response. I listen closely to her slow heartbeat. Two smaller heartbeats thump harder and faster as I speak, recognizing the voice of their father. I raise my shaking hands but stop an inch above her skin. I swallow the lump in my throat and stop myself from touching her.

“Kas, please, before it’s too late. I didn’t know. I swear I didn’t know,” I beg, “You left me. I-I thought you left me for them. And then I was mad because I thought you didn’t trust me. But I know now. I fucked up, Kas. Please. Please don’t make our babies pay for my mistakes. I will make sure they have the best care. Please.” ;

I watch as she slowly opens her eyes and looks at me. The foreign, hollow gray of her irises shrinks as her pupils dilate. Her eyes close again and she gives one small nod. I take that as her permission and carefully lift her up by her back and knees into my lap. If it wasn't for her stomach, she would weigh less than air.

I hold her as tight as I can without feeling like I’m going to break her fragile bones and concentrate all my energy. I imagine everything she has ever told me about what it feels like for her to meditate and what it feels like to heal someone. My mind thinks about my essence leaving my body and being absorbed into her skin and through her blood. I imagine Kas and our pups, and giving all three of them whatever it is they need to live. Ican sense our babies trying to fight for their lives, but I can’t find Kas’s spirit anywhere.

I open my eyes and look at her. The unfamiliar light gray eyes are barely open, trying to look at me. The purple aura I have tried to convince myself I hate surrounds us and brings a sense of calm to the room. AsI hold her, I can hear her heart. Each beat is softer and further apart than the last until there are only two little heartbeats thumping as hard as they can.

My heart feels like it’s being torn in half as the pack bond of our Luna dying fills me. -

A mournful howl comes from deep inside my chest. I rock her helplessly in my arms and lean my forehead against hers, letting my tears flow freely. In the distance, I can hear howls from around the packhouse from everyone else feeling the Luna bond break.

“Bronx, let her go. The doctor needs to save the pups,” I feel Milo’s hand gripping my shoulder, but he sounds so far away. I hold my sweet little mate closer to my body, praying for a sign that she’s still with me. That she hasn't given up. That my anger and stupidity didn’t kill her. It’s a fool's wish. She’s gone. I did this to her.

I look up to see Reggie and Milo with pained looks on their faces. Behind them are doctors and nurses crying with their hands clutching their hearts as they struggle through the pain of the Luna bond breaking.

“I'm so sorry,” I whisper. I want to say more, but Ican’t think of anything good enough.

The world feels like it is in slow motion as Reggie unwraps my arms from around Kas’s body and places her ona gurney. The medical staff immediately runs out of the dungeon to get her to surgery and deliver the babies.

A loud humming sound fills my ears. I try to stand up, but Milo pushes me back down to my knees. I see him in front of me, shaking his head and saying something, but I can’t hear him over the humming.

All I can do is put my hands over my face and sob.