Alpha's Regret After Her Rebirth by Aurora Starling

Chapter 0153

Hannah

“How did you know when you needed to start making a change?”

The room was quiet as the journalist, Emily, and | sat across from each other, the only sounds that of the

grandfather clock ticking against the wall and the birds chirping outside. A soft breeze blew through the cracked

window-the first signs of an early spring this year, although it wasn’t even March yet.

cup

On the table between us sat a tray of steaming hot cups of tea and fresh cookies. | held my ¢c my hands, staring

down into the tendrils of steam as they curled up into my face.

firmly in

“Well..” | paused, chewing the inside of my cheek as | thought about her question.

We had been going at this for the better part of an hour now; thanks to Drake's suggestion, | had decided to hire

Emily yet again to put together a short documentary on my eating disorder journey. With clips of myself trying

my ‘fear foods’ cut in between, the documentary would mostly be an interview about my journey to

get healthy again.

So far, the interview had gone smoothly; | had answered all of Emily’s questions with practiced ease, trying to

keep the tone lighthearted enough for viewers to casually enjoy but also while ensuring that the point of my

campaign got across. Emily and | had built up enough of a rapport so that it felt more like a conversation

between friends than an interrogation.

But this last question of hers. Well, it threwfor a bit of a loop.

Because | couldn't tell Emily the truth about why and when | had realized that | needed to change my ways

-because no one would ever believe me.

That night in my bathroom, with the shower steam curling aroundand the cold marble pressing into my

protruding hip bones, was still seared into my memory as though it had been yesterday.

| could still smell the hairspray in my hair, the essential oils wafting out of the shower. | could still feel the pain of

seeing my unborn baby seeping out onto the floor in a tiny pile of blood and flesh.

And | could still feel the shock that | had felt when | had closed my eyes, died, and reopened them again just

moments later, only to find myself being thrust into the past.

Three months prior to my death. The Moon Goddess had sentback to the beginning of my pregnancy. Back

to the moment before everything had shattered once before.

Part ofstill wondered if it had all been a dream; or perhaps skind of mental episode brought about by

my diet pills, my brain foolinginto thinking that something had happened when it hadn't. Perhaps | had

simply passed out that night and imagined all of those three months, including my own death.

But | knew that wasn’t true, because events had happened after my rebirth that | remembered from my first life.

And | had changed the course of those events permanently.

“1, um...” | paused again, still trying to grapple with how to answer Emily's question. “Well, you see, there. was

one day when... Um...”

1

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Chapter 0153

My voice trailed off, leading Emily to c***k her head atfrom across the table, her pen poised to write. Do you

need a minute?” she asked, “We can cback to this one.”

I glanced over at the blinking red light on the camera set up a few feet away and shook my head quickly, forcing

a smile. No, | couldn't risk having my blunder being published on the intefor all to see.

“No, no, that’s alright,” | said, waving my hand dismissively. “It’s just a difficult subject, that’s all. But... yes,

there was a moment when | realized | needed to make a change.”

“Would you be comfortable sharing that moment?” Emily asked pleasantly.

| nodded despite the lump in my throat. “Well, truthfully. | knew | would die if | didn’t do something,” | said -not a

complete lie. | didn’t want to die, of course. And | remember there was a day when | nearly passed out in my

bathroom after taking too many diet pills, and | thought to myself...”

| paused, my voice choking up a bit, but | continued nonetheless. 1 thought to myself that if | just let my grip slip

away from the bathroom counter that | was holding onto, that if | just closed my eyes, it would all

be over.”

Emily was silent, her pen scratching on her notepad as she furiously scribbled my words down. “But you didn’t,”

she said softly, meeting my gaze.

“No.” | swallowed and looked away-right at the camera. “I didn’t.”

There was a brief pause after that, Emily didn’t ask any other questions, and when | finally looked back at her, |

saw that she was closing her notebook. “I think that’s enough for the day,” she said gently as she slid a box of

tissues toward me. “Perhaps we could pick this up another time.”

Instinctively, my hand fluttered up to my cheek. | hadn't realized it, but a tear had slipped free and was now

rolling down my face. Apologizing quickly, | grabbed a tissue and blotted it away.

“Yes,” | said quietly. “Let's pick this up next week.”

Emily gathered her things and leftin silence. The birds seemed to have stopped chirping, the ticking of the

grandfather clock having faded into the abyss. All | could hear was the sound of my heart racing in my chest.

Sniffling, | lowered my head down into my arms on the table now that Emily was gone.

Goddess, it was so unfair that | couldn't tell anyone about what had happened; | felt so alone, so isolated. |

wished that there was just one person who | could tell, but... no one would ever believe me. They would just

think | was insane. They'd sendaway, lockup, and...

The divorce would never go through if

Before | could even finish that thought, a hand on my shoulder suddenly causedto jerk my head up. It

seemed | was so lost in my turmoil that | hadn't noticed Noah walking in, and he was now standing overwith

a mildly concerned look on his face.

“You alright?”

J quickly nodded, swiping at my cheeks with my fingers as | abruptly rose and walked over to the window-

anything to get away from him, away from his broad shoulders and his piercing green eyes and the smell of his

cologne,

Chapter 0153

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I'm fine.”

Noah said nothing. | almost expected him to have left already, but when | turned, | saw that he was still standing

there with his arms hanging loosely at his sides. The sight of him madefeel both frustrated and intrigued at

the stime, | wanted to be left well enough alone, but the strangely innocent look on his face gavepause.

“Do you need something?” | asked, folding my arms across my chest.

He opened his mouth and then closed it a few times, clearly grappling with whatever he was trying to say, then,

finally, his ears turned pink and he cleared his throat.

“Can | take you out to dinner tonight?” he asked. “Just you and me?”

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