Fated To The Alpha (Ezra, Katya)

Fated To The Alpha by Jessica Hall Chapter 177

Katya POV

The drive felt like it was taking forever, each second was agonizing as I felt the cold dread of darkness creeping in

and twisting and warping my rational thought. How had I never noticed before, how  had I never  felt   this writhing 

within me. I  was always aware of the darkness, but for the most part  I only saw the aftermath  and didn’t have the

processing of what it actually did. I felt like a bystander in my own body, yet for the first time I

was fully aware of what it did to me, the coldness of it and the way it controlled not only me but my thought

patterns.

No wonder I never remembered much and would have to go off the word of  what my mates said about what

happened     like a blackout drunk, only this time I was startling sober to watch what became of me. My limbs no

longer mine, like I became the alter ego of the darkness as it wrapped me in its embrace, calling me to the deepest

parts of my mind, whispering if  I just gave in to  it,  it would erase  everything that hurt me and now I realised the

darkness which is all I saw last time was because I was not fighting but succumbing to the bliss it offered if I just

shut off, if I let it have me. I let it have control because I could never identify it before, I couldn’t  hear  the whispers

until it was too late.

Only this time I felt the rush of it smooth caressing coldness seeping in and tainting my mind, clouding it and

weighing it down like extreme exhaustion. Just give in and sleep and tomorrow will be a new day but if I did, what

would the aftermath of the storm look like. I listen to the madness of its calling and fully identify myself within it.

The only thing grounding me was  the purring from Maddox,  the rumble  of his chest against my

back. His warm embrace holds me here, keeping me fighting to stay forward and not to give in. I always confused it

for anger but it was so much more than that, so out of control.

I could feel my body twitching,  my hands  clawing at my skin like it was alive and crawling yet I had no control over

my actions. I could only try  to fight to remain at the front, not giving into it completely and  giving it  the control  it

craved. The darkness was like its own organism that resided in me, I was a vessel and it was just looking for an

opportunity to sneak through my defenses and run amok.

I was my own destruction, no wonder they didn’t trust me, no wonder they lingered. If our roles were reversed I

would be the same. I was a ticking time bomb and they knew it and now I did too.

The more I resisted the stronger its call and I was helpless in its clutches as I watched myself slip further into the

depths of  my own mind,  a passenger within myself.

“Stop  Kat” Maddox whispers, the purring in his chest getting louder and I try to focus on the sound instead of the

feeling slipping over me.

My claws drew blood as they raked over my bare legs, Maddox hissing, everything I did to myself  I was doing to

him as he took it from me. I tried to focus on my surroundings, trying to find a way to anchor myself.

Andrei was driving his lips moving and I tried to focus on his words while Maddox tried to restrain my hands, holding

them in one of his. My legs dug into the leather seat as my feet moved. Focus, focus. I tell myself, my mind growing

heavier as I fight to remain. My back arching as he fights me to remain still, my entire body thrashing like a fish out

of water.

“Need me to pull over” I hear vaguely. Andrei’s voice  muffled and I realised why, it was the noises I was making.

Growling and screaming like a madwoman. Maddox’s arm goes over my forehead as  I try to  bite    him, the other

around my chest when he moves, wrapping his legs around mine,  but my strength at the moment  was  hard for 

him to contain.

The car jerks off the road and I am thrown into the footwell. Maddox landed on top of  me when the car stopped.

My body was no longer mine, it didn’t belong to me and I could only watch as the door opened and I lurched out of

it, tackling Andrei to the ground. His arms  wrapping  around my torso as the darkness forces the shift but still with

my rabid wolf form taking over my brother didn’t let go, risking my deadly bite to contain me.

“Fight it, Kat. I know you’re still in there” He  growls. My teeth narrowly miss him as he lets go while I  turn  in his

grip. The moment  his grip let  go I was lurching  forward,   trying to escape into the trees.  I am screaming at 

myself, trying to tell myself to stop. There are too many human communities in this part and we were still an hour

out from home, yet nothing I did was able to  pull me forward.

I was aware but it was like I couldn’t grasp the controls and pull on them. Nothing is holding me here. Paws sound

on  the  ground  behind  me, gaining on me and I try to push through the veil of darkness, trying to take control  so

they can  catch me when my paws hit the air, my body careening toward   the   rocky valley   beneath. Teeth

sinking into my tail and jerking me back  quickly  and tossing me back onto solid ground though Maddox paws skid

on loose gravel and I scream in my head as I watch him go over. The darkness watching unfazed by my mate

falling to his death.

A vicious growl roars a second later as Donnie’s teeth grip the side of his face at the last second pulling him back

but my body in wolf form didn’t wait to see if he got back to safety. Instead taking off and looking for escape. No

matter how much I screamed for myself to stop I ran, running around the ravine and up higher to the road that

winds along the mountain side.

I had no Idea where the darkness was taking me, but I appeared to be heading home. What did the darkness  want

with me, it felt like  it  was searching for something. Seeking something out. Hearing a howl behind me, I move

faster. Zipping and jumping over rocks and around trees before darting across roads continuing the incline to the

top. Once there I turn off onto the secluded road. When I hear the mindlink open, it shocks me as Maddox’s voice

forces its way in my head.

“Mateo, get the kids inside and lock it down” Maddox yells. I tried to figure out why he was talking about the kids,

tried to figure out what he meant.

Seeing our minivan up ahead I seem to gain more speed, when the darkness takes over with newfound energy

when I notice it. The glimmers of it. I try to jam on the breaks in my own body. Try yanking back on the darkness

with horror.

“It was chasing them, it wanted their power.

How had I never noticed the aura that sat around my kids like a glowing beacon and it was calling to the darkness,

the darkness wanted it, craved the power. My jaws snapping at the wheels like a bloody dog, trying to bite the tyres.

Mateo speeds up, flooring it when I hear a loud engine coming up behind me and I step to the side to see Andrei’s

car chasing after ours when I  am hit from the side. Maddox teeth sinking  into me and flinging me across the now

deserted road.

“I won’t let you have them, Kitty” He growls in my head. I tried telling him it wasn’t me, that this wasn’t me but  the

darkness, that no part of this I had control over. I dart right,  Maddox  jumping into my path trying to get an

advantage and for once I curse the training they put me through. He needed to hurt me, he needed to kill me if he

had to, I would never be able to live with myself if I hurt one of my babies.

Maddox lunges at me but I drop, his body sailing over the top of mine before I take off again. My paws digging into

the earth as I tore up the road when I realised something, the darkness doesn’t know how to use my aura, its all

primal instinct, seeking power, it could fight but it couldn’t command because if  it could, why didn’t  I use  it on

Maddox and Andrei?”

I see Marge clutching the kids and running for the front door as I skid across the ground turning into the driveway.

Jonah is not far behind her with Sage. Mateo shifts and runs at me but I manage to dodge him, my brother jumping

from his car and lurching forward into his wolf again.

Yet I don’t stop running straight after Marge when suddenly Sage shifts and pivots before attacking me. Her teeth

sinking into my flank and I scream watching myself snap my jaws at her only for Andrei to bite into my neck before

rolling on his back and flinging me over the top of him and into the side of his car.

Metal groans and I was screaming at myself to stop. Screaming at them to kill me knowing what the darkness

wanted, now nothing scared me

more then myself and what the darkness was capable of. It wanted to feed on power, and my kids glowed like a

million candles with the power running through their veins.

I was surrounded when my fathers car pulled into the driveway screeching to a stop, his door flying open and I was

looking for an escape. Maddox tackles me, his  teeth sinking into my  mark but only grazing it as he tries to take me

down.

Yet the moment his teeth grazed my skin I felt it, like a lightning bolt ripple up my spine. The sparks from the bond.

The bond, our mate bond, I  could still feel that. My limbs no, but the bond I felt completely.   Sage rushes toward

the house and so does my father. I see him tell Andrei to get in the house but my attention is diverted. I could

vaguely hear the roller shutters locking into place. But my sight was trained on my mates, the ones responsible for

keeping our kids safe from their own mother.

“Kat, come on. You need to fight it” Mateo says the link sounding hollow as I try to pull on the bond, feeling for their

wolves to pull strength from.

Mateo tries to gain advantage when I suddenly spin, realising it was a distraction as Maddox goes for my neck

again. The darkness recognises the move and attacks colliding with him. Maddox just slipped out of range of my

teeth as I stalked him. The darkness becomes enraged when I feel myself tugging on the restraints of my mind, 

pulling on the bond and Maddox and Mateo’s essence, using it to  ground me and push me  forward, letting their

feelings come through.

I snarl, the darkness not wanting to give up control and I lunge at Maddox’s throat. Ares lets out a strangled

whimper and I scream as my canines wrap around the back of his neck. I squeeze my eyes shut, unable to watch

myself kill him. My scream resonates out and I shove myself forward plunging into the bond and focusing on the

energy of it humming with love, acceptance, loyalty and every good thing that comes with a mate bond.

Only nothing happens, I  expected agony of the  mate bond severing painfully. Only when I open  my eyes, I realise I

was actually opening my eyes.

Maddox was lying beneath me, my jaw wrapped around his neck only my teeth hovering off his skin. I sag with relief

and drop on him while shifting back, his fur warm against my skin.

Maddox licks my face and I break down. I was so close to losing everything and myself and it would have been my

fault. Now I understood why they didn’t leave me alone with the kids,  and didn’t leave me alone at all. The

frightened look in Marge’s eyes that day, how she was willing to go against   her Queen. I now know why. Ares

comes over sniffing and nudging my face. Maddox shifts underneath me and Ezra pulls me into his lap.

“I didn’t know, I didn’t realise” I sob, and I didn’t.

I didn’t see this  version of myself.  I didn’t  see what they dealt with and I didn’t see I was rift between us. I  knew it

was bad, I knew that but I didn’t think it was this bad. I didn’t think I was a danger to my kids, I didn’t think I was

capable of hurting them.

Guilt  smashes  me for  what  I have put my  mates through, knowing they deal with it constantly, knowing they live

with this fear yet they do it because they love me. I thought everything wrong was because of them hiding things,

but now I see it’s me.

“  Shh, it’s  okay   you’re  back now” Ezra says and Ares sniffs  both of our  faces,  Ezra  stroking   his face and

pulling his head closer to rest on ours.

“I  will  take  the meds,  I  will do what  you ask”  I tell   them,   surrendering   control of everything to them.

I wasn’t safe and I was too  stubborn not  wanting to see fault in my own actions when they were trying to protect

me from myself. Ezra rocks back and forth, his purr soothing  his nose  pressed in my hair while I pressed mine in

his neck. Ares shifts back. Mateo’s hands  caress my  hips  and lower back before he presses his lips to my

shoulder.

“We knew you could do it, you just needed to hang on. We  will always  be here, pull on the bond,  take  it from us,

take everything if you need to, just don’t stop fighting it, don’t let it have you, don’t  let it take you from us” Mateo

whispers, nuzzling my neck. I turn my face to see him and run my fingers through his hair.

Ezra kisses my cheek before brushing his nose across it and I turn into him,  seeking out his lips. My lips pressing to

his desperately almost bruisingly as I delve my tongue between  his lips, his taste taking over my senses and I bite

his lip softly, his hand  twisting  in my hair   and pulling me closer. He groans into my mouth, kissing me harder and

taking control of the kiss.

Hands trail up  my  sides before cupping my breasts as Mateo presses his lips to my shoulder and up my neck. I

moan as his hot  tongue  comes in contact with their mark. A ripple of arousal washes over me and I turn pulling

away from Ezra to kiss Mateo. His tongue plunging into my mouth, playing with mine as he tastes every inch of my

mouth hungrily.

Ezra grips my hips, turning me on his lap so I am straddling him. His hot mouth wrapping  around my nipple as he 

flicks  it with his tongue, Mateo kisses the side of my mouth, his lips moving down my jaw and neck. Feeling Ezra’s

erection beneath me, I roll my hips against him  and he  growls,  my core pulsating with anticipation as his cock

pressed against my slick folds, coating him in my arousal.

Mateo’s hand snaked between our bodies and he cups my throbbing core, his thumb  pressing against my clit, while

his other hand squeezed my breast. Ezra seized my lips with urgency as Mateo pumped two fingers in and out of

me, my hips rocking against Ezra riding his fingers when I felt Mateo press his chest against my back. His fingers

coated in my arousal and I lift my hips sinking down on Ezra’s hard length as he adjusts him. My walls   clench him

instantly and I shudder at the full feeling and the stretching sensation as I take him in one motion.

He groans, his hands moving to my hips before he slams me down on him. Mateo’s fingers move between my

cheeks as he coats me with my own juices, sliding his finger into the tight muscles  of my ass. I tilt my head back,

seeking his lips and he leans down, his other hand gripping my throat as he crashes his lips down on mine. His

fingers slipped in and out of me. Ezra nipping and sucking at my breasts, my hips rocking against Ezra when Mateo

pulls his fingers  from me, running  his fingers between Ezra and I, stealing more of my juices that spill onto my

thighs.

“F*ck! ” Ezra groans, his hand slipping to my hips slamming me down harder on him when Mateo’s arm wraps

around my chest pulling me back against his chest, his cock pressing to my ass before he thrusts in and I moan

loudly rocking  my hips between them, slowly getting used to the feel. Mateo kisses my temple, his arm releasing

me.

“Good girl” He growls, his lips trailing across my shoulder as  he pulls  my hair  over  it, his hand gripping my breast

and he rolls my nipple while Ezra’s  teeth  grazes  the other. I writhe between them, my orgasm building when

Mateo pulls out slamming back into me and forcing me to grip Ezra’s shoulders as he is shoved back in the dirt.

Mateo slamming into me and making me cry out, my walls pulsating and fluttering when they start working in

perfect tandem, pounding themselves into me and I give in to the feeling, letting them own my body, letting them

take what they want because I wanted it to, need it after so long, so starved of touch, starved of the bond. I didn’t

realise we were all drowning in the loss of contact, the loss of each other, lost in the bubble of parenting, working

and surviving. We lost us amongst everything else. Something I swore I wouldn’t let happen again, we needed each

other, needed our bond because a mate bond was always worth saving.