This Hero is Sleeping!



"Guruororor!?"

"Gooooleeeemmmm."

The many giant rock monsters screamed and razed everything in their sorry. Violence they disliked, playing they liked. And play they did with all of their friends.

The golems were young and incapable of much thought. If they saw something they didn't like and could crush it, they would make that thing sorry for existing. If they saw something they did like and could crush it, they still would make that thing sorry for existing.

But when these poor giant prowling idiots saw something that they didn't like and couldn't crush it, thats where their problem began.

Gururo, one such golem who only made that sound, made his way away from the enclosure that his kind inhabited.

The constant sound of rocks being smacked had attracted his attention, and that was already pretty rare.

It started following the sound, but much to its chagrin, the path ahead that should have been rock rock soil soil had suddenly become white white scary scary.

"Gururo?" Gururo tilted his head to the side. The golem raised its jaggedy hands and scratched its cheeks in surprise. The two straight synapses in the name of magic circuits that made up the entirety of the complexions its species held fired off.

And like a coin being flipped, reached a conclusion.

Gururo did not like this thing.

"GRURU!!"

He screamed like a banshee and dived like a chihuahua straight into the white thing. The boxing skills one would see from a two year old showed all of their prowess as Gururo smacked and stomped the air.

Were he capable of it, he would have been screaming at the fog to catch them hands. Fortunately, by the grace of gods, he wasn't.

The golem punched and kicked and then kicked and punched, both as effective as each other against the fog. As if it were messing with the golem, the fog would coalesce in the shape of a face and stick its tongue out every now and then.

The golem did not like this fog.

And it also couldn't crush it.

The trouble began.

As if the knells from the deepest pits of hell had rang in the middle of the night and startled the devil himself into screaming, the golem's steps tolled and its shrieks resounded all over the landslid mountain pass. It rushed through the fog.

"Gururo!?" One of Gururo's friends came in its way, but only running and screaming took all of the golem's capacity. Not recognizing it's friend in the slightest, Gururo streamed right through him, smashing him away.

Now, Gururo's friend didn't like him anymore.

And unfortunately, Gururo's friend, being a golem himself, held no prowess that would let him crush Gururo more than Gururo would be able to crush him.

"KYAAAAH!"

And so, Gururo's friend, Guroru ran too.

The two golems crashed into two more.

And then those two crashed into four others.

In the blink of an eye, all thirty eight golems were running around, unable to escape from the fog and the rocks, all of them started to gather and bump into each other.

"NOW!!"

A scream resounded from afar.

Alas, all of the golems had peaked out their mental capacity, some had even applied an extension pack since they had to stand up after falling down.

A rumble spread through the grounds.

An ancient sovereign was being awoken, and that sovereign was called a fucking landslide.

Streams of water flooded over the ground and sunk deep into it far above the already damaged mountain.

Following it straight were rows after rows of trees and roots, gouging out the ground from its foundation as they slithered in and out akin to a worm on an hunt.

Until dirt and stones started rolling down and it became impossible for the side of the mountain to as much as imagine bearing its own weight, the onslaught continued.

Then.

"I am ready."

A girl's soft voice spread over the place.

The water and the roots disappeared.

"[Flame Magic: Intermediate Grade]"

An ethereal magic circle formed in the center of the moutain, small, yet visible.

"[Strike from above and smash everything in your path to smithereens]"

"Oh my god! It's a chant! Feel my rage, my left hand is trembling!"

"[Fall—]"

"Abyssal Flame."

"[—Dragon]"

The magic circle shook and then shattered.

"Ack!" A groan resounded, followed right away by a loud thud.

The golems continued screaming, but one voice was louder yet.

"Damn it Elric! I could have died!!"

"Your fault! Who told you to go all abyssal flame dragon on me?"

"Fuck! My mana is trembling now."

"Wow, edgy."

"Shut it!"

"No, I agree with Ruler Ruler, that's edgy as hell."

The golems still ran.

And they still screamed.

It was a wonder how people with just four brain cells could take down these golems, but that was mother nature. Always so full of wonder and mercy.

"Phew! Alright!"

"[Strike from below and smash everything in your path to smithereens]"

The magic circle formed again.

"[Rise! Explosion!]"

The ground trembled and broke asunder. As if lightning had struck upside down, the mountain side tore apart and broke into bits, enormous boulders were uprooted and crushed.

And then, the mountain itself shook.

The already weakened soil had been drained and gouged a notch more by the others. And with the explosion in tow—

-RUMMMBLEE

It all came crashing down into the golems. A flood of land slid straight into the faces of the golems, its enormous force from the fall crashed into the golems' bodies and sent the stones that made their bodies flying into the skies.

Arms broke and then broke legs, heads rolled away and so did chests.

The traces of the golems was being buried into the ground.

The land crushed below, but the rumbling didn't stop just yet.

It kept going and kept going.

From further up and up, more and more soil fell into the dogpile its friends had made below.

"Oh?"

"Oh…"

The three people who stood above felt their footings slip and the ground being swept below them, as if an amateur magician was pulling a rug full of people.

"Weeee! We're falling too!"

"Yay slide!"

"You'll get crushed you utter idiots!!"

"Oh?"

"Ah! Fuck fuck fuck!"

"RUNNNNN!!"

***

Four people, three covered in mud and dust, sat on the top of the slid mountain side. So much of the mountain had come down that it almost seemed as if a new one had been erected.

The people, heaving all over, wiped the sweat off their heads.

"We actually did it, huh?" Muttered Claude.

"I think…" Erika followed up. "We would have been less tired if we just fought them all."

"You guys were the idiots that stood in the middle of a breaking mountain," the redhaired boy sighed and flicked his hair behind.

"Cool and all," Tiana said, her robe knocked back and her ears twitching. "But how do we collect the cores?"

The other three's eyes widened.

And then sweat fell down their necks

"W-w-w-we'll just dig this up and find the place littered with golem cores."

"There were only thirty eight of them…"

"Maybe more were born from the slide?"

"It doesn't work that way…"

They fell to their knees.

"Fuck…"

***

"It seems, Lord Legendary Leres from the Legends of Legendary Lord Leres has lagged away."

At the words of the tired robed man, Marcus, Tomas, and Mr. Bagpipe blew their pipes.

"Shut up! Watch your tongue!"

"Puun puuuun!"

"Yes! He's always watching over us."

The three babbled on and on, and then soothed their rage on their own.

"Well…" the robed ones hummed. They pointed ahead, and the idiot trio's eyes popped open. "I wish he had died at a different time."

In front of them.

Deep within the misty forest, a village of elves appeared. Surrounded by tall trees, their homes blended with nature.

Ethereal spirits floated through the air, their transparent forms dancing amidst the foliage.

Colorful flowers bloomed in gardens, and pathways meandered through the village, adorned with vines and moss.

Walking all around were the most beautiful blondes with pointed ears.

It was… a village of elves.

"He isn't dead man."

"Wow, so rude."

"PUUUN!"

The idiot trio could care less.

***

Deep into the night after the day the only adventurer party active in the town of Siracus left for the golem hunt, the adventurer guild's door was knocked on.

"Ah damn it, just before closing time."

The receptionist sighed and opened the door she had closed to lock up her work. And standing outside, were four small rock golems.

"KYAA!"

She screamed and tried to run away, but the red headed rock golem grabbed her by the scruff of her neck before she could leave.

"Rock golems! Rock golems came here!!"

"Shut up. It's us, the rock golem killers."

The receptionist slowly turned back.

And saw the beautiful Elrick, whose looks couldn't be dampened even by this.

"Oh, it's you guys."

"You recognize him, huh?"

"Cope Claude, cope."

"Good timing. I guess you were almost caught up in the landslide?" asked the receptionist. "It's a big problem, I'm glad you're fine."

"Uhm…"