Aimless Ascension

Xiaolin woke up, eyes blurring at the intensity of the light. She tried to cover her eyes with her palm, but the moment she tried, she broke into a soft groan. That little motion of her hand led her to squirm in pain.

Blinking to adjust her sight, Xiaolin worked up completely and found herself in her bed. The light wasn't that intense either. She was in her loose nightgown as well, instead of her sleeveless practitioner robes. Her nose did pick up a thick herbal scent of ointments from her body, too.

A terrible premonition came to her, as Xiaolin tried to rise up, moaning through her pain. Every part of her body ached. Her muscles were all sore and still had some tears and swelling.

Xiaolin was barely managing to arch her body up and lean on the headboard of the bed when the door to her room opened and entered a tall man with a cold look in his eyes. He had a glass full of herbal drink on his palm as he was stirring it with a spoon.

Xiaolin swallowed unconsciously, squirming down to hide.

"Lay comfortably," her master told her straightforwardly.

Xiaolin abided, getting back to the position of how she was a few moments ago. She hid, clutching the blanket over her face. Not in her eyes though, as she could still steal a glance towards her master.

Her master was sitting just next to her on the bed, stirring the drink silently with a thoughtful look. The more the silence grew, the more serious it felt for her. Xiaolin would want anything for the silence to break. But she couldn't collect her courage to do it on her own.

She tried to steal another glance at her Master, but their eyes met the moment she looked in his direction.

"Master, I. . ." her voice trailed off as she bit her lips.

"How are you feeling?" Gale asked.

"Sore," she said, and couldn't help but add, "But I believe I'll heal up today and will be able to go back to practising tomorrow."

Her master snorted, not humorously like when her elder sister jabbed at him with her sharp remarks, but it was more on the colder side.

"Apparently, your belief is flawed," he said at last. "But I'm not the least bit surprised by that. What do you think you'll accomplish cycling like a maniac? Do you believe you'll rectify all the flaws of your constitution just by pushing yourself harder, even to the brink of breaking down?"

"Master, I . . ." Xiaolin couldn't find the words to describe.

"You call me master, but do you even have a little belief in me?"

"Master," Xiaolin said again, her eyes turning watery. "You're the only one who believed in me. I don't want to disappoint you."

"But you already did," his master replied in an apathetic tone, "by disregarding my teachings. No, just ignore me, as I hardly fit the role of a Master. But did it ever occur to you what you're doing to yourself? You still don't seem to realise what happened to you, do you?"

Gale lifted the blanket off her and held her arm up. He pointed towards a tear that appeared barely closed, though still swelling in redness.

"What do you think this is?" he said as he held her up to let her sit, leaning against the headboard. She clenched her jaw to not squirm in her agony in front of him, not that her master hadn't been soft. "Do you think that is the only tear?"

He then opened her night robe and let her see her flat belly full of red swellings and tears, covered in ointments.

Xiaolin didn't even consider blushing in shame with how her master scowled at her with those intense serious gazes.

"You think these are nothing, do you?" Gale asked. "Then let me tell you how serious these are. These tears should have healed after the healing potion I fed you, but they barely closed up after half an hour. Do you know why that is?

"Because you pushed your body way past its limit to let it accept anything more. Your body was on the brink of breaking down if it were anything but the mildest healing potion I had with me. And it barely worked, but it didn't end there. The terrible amount of energy you soaked up couldn't go easily out of your body. How do you think they got out then?"

"The tears?" Xiaolin's eyes widened.

"Exactly," Gale said. "And that's even after I helped stabilise your channels. Energy has to tear through your skin to get out. Do you think it's something that happens to practitioners every day? Even if you want to practise and push yourself harder, shouldn't you know when to stop?"

"Master, I didn't mean to disappoint you. I didn't want to disappoint anyone," Xiaolin repeated the same words. "I thought I could endure. I thought I could just push a little more. But when I felt something was amiss, it was too late."

Gale sucked in a deep breath. "Why?" he asked. "Tell me why? What motivates you to push yourself so hard that you won't even look after yourself?"

"It's you, Master."

Gale blinked at her.

"Master, in your story, you described how you suffered, how much you had to get through every day to even get a wisp of Qi," Xiaolin said, tearing up. "How can I not be motivated hearing your story? How can I not try my best too, when all my suffering is insignificant compared to what you have to get through? I am nothing compared to everything you went through, and I haven't even heard the end of it. If I don't push harder, how can I even stand straight being your disciple?"

"Fool girl," her master said, touching her on the cheek. He wiped her tears with his thumb. "It isn't a competition."

Gale's eyes softened as he stared at his disciple blankly at her sheer stupidity. She was a fool, too. Much like him, to be honest.

"Your elder sister was right," he said again, wiping her tears and covering her in the night robes. "I am a bad influence on you."