Tondemo Skill de Isekai Hourou Meshi

Finally, the Gluttonous Quartet returned.

As if to live up to their name, the first thing that came out of their collective mouths were ‘hungry~’.

With a slightly bitter smile (only slightly) I whipped out the food that I had already prepared earlier, all plated, and ready to be served with refills on the way. [1]

[1] Today’s ‘welcome back from the hunt’ treat was everyone’s favourite. Karaage!

[1] While my familiars chomped on their fried chicken, I set out a sharing bowl of karaage for myself and the [Ark]. By the way, Gaudino-san was bodily blocking Feodora-san and making sure she was not cramming karaage into her mouth by the handfuls.

“So,” I said, [1] after serving my familiars their third ‘seconds’. “What did you hunt today?”

The [Ark] leaned forward, eager to know too.

“Hmm, hmm, there’s a cave on the other side of this island.”

“That’s right, a cave.”

I waited.

When the expected boasting did not come, I grew suspicious. What is going on?

Are you guys trying to hide something from me?

Fumu, at times like this…

“Sui-chan~~ what did you hunt today~~~”

Sui briefly paused in the middle of dissolving some karaage to say, “”Bone~~!””

“Bone?”

“Bone?” said Gideon-san in a hushed voice. “Could it be… Skeletons?”

I froze. Then whipped around to stare at Fer and Grandpa Gon. Both had buried their faces into their bowls. “You two, what is going on? Where did you go? What did you hunt?”

Chomp chomp chomp.

Oho, so that’s how you want to play it, eh?

“Aahhh, what should I do about tomorrow’s meal?” I lamented dramatically. “Hmm, I still have lots of vegetables from Alban. The weather is so hot these days, surely having some nice stir-fried vegetables is so much better than eating a meat-filled meal~”

“O-oi! That’s too underhanded!”

“Indeed! Master, that is too cruel!”

“Naa, what are you talking about? I am just thinking out loud about what I should make for breakfast, lunch and dinner tomorrow. It’s my job to think about what to cook and what’s best for my beloved familiars. Umu, that’s right, I think for the sake of everyone’s health, let’s have a vegetarian meal for a change! [1] Just think about it, crisp leafy greens, toothsome pumpkins, fresh juicy tomatoes and crunchy cucumbers~”

The more vegetables I listed, the longer Fer and Grandpa Gon’s faces became.

“Gunuu…”

“Fumu…”

It was not long before Fer and Grandpa Gon finally broke down.

“Don’t you think you should have told me about the cave and what’s in it right from the beginning,” I said as I glared at them with arms crossed.

“If we told you about it, you would never have let us go.”

“Kuuhh…” they were right, of course. It was one thing to fight monsters, it was quite another to fight Undead.

“When Master declares that he wishes to have a ‘rest day’, we went ahead and had a look at the cave.”

“Master had always let us go and hunt, what’s wrong with now?” asked Grandpa Gon.

“Ugh… don’t you know that Undeads are ridiculously powerful and resilient? They don’t even give edible Drops!”

[2] “”Heyy, with that Stamp thing, those Undeads are nothing~!”” Dora-chan sniggered.

Fer and Grandpa Gon were shushing him desperately, but I had already heard it.

[2] “That… stamp thing? You—” I pointed at Fer who quickly looked away. “How did you even-!!”

“Master, we brought some souvenirs for you! Dora-chan, bring the magic bag over.”

Before I could become fully coherent, Grandpa Gon quickly stepped in and together with Dora-chan, took out one, two, three… FOUR treasure chests!

I stared at the treasure chests for a moment, lost for words. I pointed at the treasure chests. “J-j-j-j-just what did you battle that gave out FOUR treasure chests!!??”

“Oh no, Master misunderstands. The boss monster was just a Skeleton King, we battled it four times for the four treasure chests.”

“B-boss?!”

“S-s-skeleton K-k-king?!!”

“How did you–!!”

“Fer selfishly attacked it on his own, the rest of us wanted a go so we waited for it to respawn and took turns attacking it,” said Grandpa Gon calmly. As though he was saying something like- like- oh, I don’t know, taking turns for a fun roller coaster ride?!

Hahhh…

Then again, considering who I am speaking to, perhaps that’s what it really felt like to them.

“A Skeleton King…”

“S Rank…”

My eyebrow twitched. “S Rank?”

“Yeah, Undeads are really resilient, even D and C Rank monsters are no joke, but S Rank monsters are even more powerful. On top of their resilience, they could use magic, strategize, and even influence people to their side…”

“Wait, strategize and influence? H-how?”

“Probably nag them into it,” muttered Fer.

“”Yeah, that danged thing was real chatty.”” Dora-chan shrugged.

“”Sui shut noisy bone up~~!!””

“… oh yeah, I remember now,” said Gaudino-san faintly. “It’s considered an S Rank because it could speak and therefore make plans and connections, promising things to trick people over to their side…”

“Wait, is that how the Skeleton King managed to mobilise an army of various creatures, humans included and wiped out an army of 10,000 people?” Gideon-san looked shocked.

“Here, I thought that was just a ridiculous legend…” muttered Siegwald-san.

“Skeleton King… dangerous…” said Feodora-san.

“Well, no sh- I mean, no kidding!?”

“Umu, which was why I had high hopes for this monster, but, keh,” Fer snorted disdainfully.

“It disappeared under my Dragon’s Breath.”

“”I stabbed it a few times with my Ice Spears…””

“”Sui pew pew~~! And pew pew~~! And it melted~~””

“Hahhh… I see…”

“… …”

“… …”

“Perhaps Master would like to take a look inside the chests?” said Grandpa Gon delicately.

“We already opened it earlier, no traps,” said Fer.

I looked at them suspiciously, but when the staring brought no visible result, I sighed and said, “Right, fine, let’s take a look.”

Treasure Chest 1:

Gold coins spilt out of the already tacky-looking treasure chest the moment I pushed the lid open.

“Th-th-that’s a whole lot of gold coins…”

“I- I have never seen so many coins together in my life, let alone gold coins…”

“G-gold…”

“Shiny…”

“… …” w-well, I already have plenty of gold coins, but seeing them like this is still quite overwhelming…

Treasure Chest 2:

The second treasure chest was just as tacky as the other one. I pushed open the lid and…

“A dagger?”

“Look at the size of that blue jewel…”

“Th-that’s a mithril blade! Ugh, but why is it so impractical?”

“More shiny…”

“… …” indeed, its value was only in the material. The dagger itself was completely useless as a weapon or tool.

Treasure Chest 3:

I opened the third chest with some sense of anticipation and dread…

“It’s… diamonds.”

“Really? Real diamonds?”

“I’m a dwarf, you think I can’t tell when I’m looking at diamonds?”

“Big shiny…”

The people from [Ark] are now looking at me enviously and we haven’t even opened the fourth chest yet. I’m kind of dreading it now…

Treasure Chest 4:

“A… red stone?” I held up the stone curiously. It was an actual stone and not a gemstone.

“It is a reward from Demiurgos-sama to myself and Fer for that special mission.”

“Special mission? Wha- ah!”

They must be talking about the Rubanov thing, right?

Well, that was very nice of the God of Creation, especially towards his special *snerk* apostles.

“It is called ‘The Philosopher’s Stone’.”

“Eh, what? What did you say?”

“Umu, this stone could turn ordinary iron into Mithril, Orichalcum and Hihi’irokane or something.”

“… hah?” [3]

Fer-san? What did you just say?

“I know about Mithril, but what is Orichalcum or Hihi’irokane?” Gideon-san scratched his chin curiously.

“According to legends, Orichalcum and Hihi’irokane were legendary metals from the past. Even its smelting and processing methods were long gone. Although I did hear that many Dwarven blacksmiths still attempted to recreate it.”

“Wh-wh-wh-what if these legendary metals were to suddenly appear in the market?”

“…blood will be spilt,” said Siegwald-san gravely.

Hiiii—-!!

No way, no way, no way!!!

I don’t need this hot potato!

What the heck is this Philosopher’s Stone?

You want me to die?

What can I even do with it?

I mean, what can I do with it that did not result in me probably dying or causing a great war or something even more terrible?!!

I-I’ll have to bury this in my [Item Box] forever!!!

I turned bloodshot eyes at the [Ark].

“H-hey, th-this, we never opened the 4th treasure chest, right? Or rather, we did, but we found nothing in it, right? A stone is nothing, right?!!” [4]

“O-of course, why, there are only three chests.”

“Wow, your familiars are incredible, diamonds, gold and even a mithril dagger…”

“Fuhaha, what Philosopher’s Stone? Psh, those don’t exist. What a ridiculous claim, hahaha…”

“I saw nothing… but karaage…”

“Everyone… please have some more karaage!!”

“Oh, don’t mind if I do.”

“Mukouda’s food is the best!”

“Today is still the holiday, right? Let’s drink, let’s drink!”

Chomp chomp.

Demiurgos-sama, please be more mindful of your gifts!!!

[Gumihou: Rearranged some stuff, have the boss reveal happen first before the treasure chests reveal since we already know what’s inside. It made better sense that way]

[1] put in more words to describe Mukouda’s serving efficiency since Gumi will be deleting xx number of ‘woah’ ‘amaze balls’ ‘Sui-tan~~’ and of course, the repeats. Ah, the repeats~ All they yays and delish~~

[2] In the original text, the issue of Holy Stamp being taken away by Fer was not addressed at all, instead, Mukouda had yet another oyabaka moment and broke down over Sui going hunting for the nth time. If it’s something like a light running joke a la Feodora’s black hole stomach, fine. But this is a whole 200 words scene that just… went nowhere and served no purpose except as a tired old joke. Haha. Funny. Hah…

[3] Significantly shortened the ‘omygod philosopher’s stone’ + Appraisal + Mukouda’s rather repetitive haahhh moments

[4] Change the dogeza (orz) into a maniacal threat.