The Villainess and I, her Zombie

The adventurer guild was busy as always, with the adventurers as well as various civilians wishing to put up a mission or directly hire a specific adventurer to help them...

*WHAM*

That's why, a certain woman with braided reddish-brown hair smashing one of the counters and scaring all of the guild staff members on duty, wasn't something well received...

"What do you mean a banished dwarf?! Is every single one of you braindead or something?! If he looks like a six-year-old human and sounds like a six-year-old human, then it is well within your interest to make sure to appraise him to make sure that he isn't actually a six-year-old before accepting his registration, you morons!"

Laura's roar, - because she was the very person who broke apart the sturdy counter - resounded through the whole guild's building.

"B-but, madam! It's impossible for a child to be strong enough to complete even a single mission! And mister Zombie rapidly became our branch's most efficient hunter within the last first few months since his registration! It is you who must be mistaken!"

The brave guild staff member, a male kobold who just so happened to be the same person who attended Zombie's registration a year before, stood up from the floor and talked back to the furious human woman, while carefully picking up the chair he fell off from and putting it between himself and her for safety reasons.

"He also always presents himself with a proper mannerism, adequate for the banished dwarf! I would know!"

He added peeking at the woman from behind the backrest of his chair.

"Oh, really? Then I request that you show me the appraisal results he submitted with his registration form!"

*ching*

"Here's the fee required for doing that."

She added after she dropped a small pouch filled with small coins right on the remains of the counter beneath her feet.

"I... I... he didn't submit such form..."

The kobold's eyes darted to the money, but he didn't dare to move a step away from the minimal defenses that the chair was giving him.

"Then why was he accepted? Appraisal results are required for the application process at every single proper adventurer's guild. Are you telling me that the branches at the Envys territory abandoned that rule?"

Laura asked coldly.

"No!"

"Of course not, miss Laura."

The kobold, drenched in cold sweat shook his head and denied the accusation, and was instantly followed by another, much more confident voice.

"...tsk... what do you want, Banana? Can't you see I'm having a conversation?"

Laura clicked her tongue and glared at the person that appeared from one of the rooms in the back - a tall but slim middle-aged black-haired amber-eyed woman with a banana-shaped birthmark on the side of her neck.

"What I can see is you terrorizing my employee and destroying the property of my guild... I've been respecting you selfishly retiring from the guild and running away from your duties because of our late acquaintance but this is taking it too far."

The woman spoke coldly, glaring down at the aggressive intruder.

"Don't even try pulling Plum into this! It's because of you holding back the information that he died on that mission, you bastard! You will pay for that, but it's not the reason for my today's visit..."

Laura's face got crimson from anger, but she somehow managed to held back her anger and breathed out before sending the woman a disgusted glare.

"Yes, I heard you. You have the annoying ability to make your voice extremely loud and obnoxious without actually screaming."

Banana scoffed and reached to her pocket, pulling out a small monocle and putting it to her left eye.

"It's about a presumed child who managed to register himself as an adventurer in our guild posing as a dwarf... what's the problem with that?"

She spoke calmly and raised her brow questioningly.

"Wh-what's the problem?! You are employing a child! A child! Even you soulless moraly-drained money-hungry wench should realize what's wrong with that!"

Laura scoffed in disbelief and took a step forward.

"He wanted to become an adventurer and was willing to cheat his way into becoming one, while somehow having the necessary strength and skills to complete the missions despite his young age... I call that a shining example of what someone raised in the Envys territory should be. Resourceful, smart, and daring... I can relate to that."

Banana opened her arms and shrugged her shoulders.

"Grape, tell us why did you allow that supposed dwarf to register."

The tall woman turned to the kobold and encouraged him.

"He... he brought a whole bag of goblins ears as proof that he could pass the entry exam which is the completely viable way of bypassing the requirement for the appraisal."

The kobold instantly responded, stuttering only a little at the beginning.

"You heard that?"

Banana turned back to the frowning woman clenching her fists from extreme anger.

"Sounds like the boy was already up to some dangerous business even before setting his foot in here. Honestly, with how it all sounds, I would easily accept him as an adventurer even if he didn't come up with a great scheme of posing as a banished dwarf. Haha! What a splendid kid!"

"...!"

Banana clapped her hands and laughed, causing Laura to tremble in fury.

"But that brings us to you... Everyone here knows that you abandoned the guild and your duties as the strongest adventurer of this branch to help poor lost kids find their calling... truly a selfless and inefficient way to spend your money and time, but that's beside the point..."

The woman smirked and her monocle reflected the light in a menacing way.

"...why do you care about that bo... ah... of course..."

"..."

Banana suddenly realizing what was going on in the middle of asking made Laura clench her fists even harder, and it cost her a lot of self-control to not launch herself at the person she hated the most in the entire world.

"I see. You finally accepted a kid that requires attention that is far beyond your capabilities, so you came here to unleash your build-up frustration here... honestly, you would do much better to just jump at that apothecary of yours and wrung him dry, one less annoying prude would do the world good."

Banana grinned and waved her hand dismissively as if trying to get rid of some nasty smell coming from Laura.

"Don't you even dare speak about Papaya, you loose whore!"

But with that comment, she clearly went too far as Laura's body shone with active skills.