The Darkness Was Comfortable for Me-Novel

Chapter 86: Unexpected Gift and Shaking off the Light

“Haha! I seriously thought you would hate me because I brought you out forcefully. I have been worried about that this whole time, you know… I am so glad…” (Rifreya)

“There’s no one who would hate you, Rifreya.” (Hikaru)

“Then, you like me?” (Rifreya)

“Hmm, no comment.” (Hikaru)

“Ahaha, as for me, I like you!” (Rifreya)

I jokingly answer like that and play around.

Even while we are like this, the Viewer Count Race continues, and it might break my chances to get 1st place.

That thought was swirling in my head the whole time, but it is also true that my vision was narrowed.

If I were to fight the Demon Lord, my viewer count would increase, and I might get first place. Even though it would turn to nothing if I were to die, I thought it would work out somehow…without anything backing that confidence.

Even though I can’t even win against the Garden Panther by myself, and it might even be impossible to run away from it.

(Why did I think like that?) (Hikaru)

…I have been tired of living in this world this whole time.

I was making an excuse for myself by saying I have to push myself in order to get 1st place, and in the end, I might have been searching for a reason to die.

Even though wanting to revive Nanami is without doubt my true feelings, I myself wasn’t strong enough to sincerely face that.

It is impossible for me to get 1st place. That it would be impossible for me unless I am reckless to the point that I could die. Maybe I have been using that as an excuse.

Maybe what I have been doing has been a slow suicide…

There’s no way I haven’t been pushing myself. Before coming to this world, I was just a normal high school student that no one paid attention to.

…The truth is…I have long passed my limit.

“…You always manage to find me, Rifreya.” (Hikaru)

If I hadn’t met her, I would have been even more reckless for the Viewer Count Race. Not only the 4th Floor, I might have even gone down to the 5th Floor.

The meeting of people with people really is a mysterious thing.

If this cheerfully smiling girl hadn’t found me, I might have long given up on living in this world.

“Eh? Did you say something?” (Rifreya)

“No, nothing.” (Hikaru)

“Eeh~? Now I’m curious. Geez, Hikaru, making such a kind expression…” (Rifreya)

“Don’t say such weird things. My face is normal.” (Hikaru)

However, it has been a while since my heart has been at peace.

That might have shown in my face.

◇◆◆◆◇

The vegetables in the ruling territory of the Great Earth Spirit are tasty, so we had dinner at a diner that Rifreya has come to once before.

I feel like it has been a while since I have eaten vegetables properly. It has been a whole lot of meat and shrimp after all.

After our meal and leaving the establishment, just before we went our separate ways…

Rifreya asked me as if making sure.

“Hikaru, I will be going to participate in the Demon Lord subjugation tomorrow, but…you are not going to be pushing yourself anymore, right? Like going down to the dungeon alone.” (Rifreya)

This is probably something she has wanted to ask me this whole day.

Someone like me that’s in the lowest rank of explorers can’t dive into the dungeon until the Demon Lord has been subjugated.

On the other hand, the silver rank Rifreya will be participating in the subjugation.

If she were to be together with me the whole day like today, she would be able to keep an eye on me, but that’s obviously not feasible.

She is worried about me.

I want to answer that kindness.

I do have that feeling as well.

But…

“…Sorry, I can’t promise that. I will be participating in the Demon Lord subjugation even if I have to sneak in on the confusion.” (Hikaru)

“No matter what?” (Rifreya)

“Yeah. I know I shouldn’t do that, but…I have to go.” (Hikaru)

I have no intention of going alone anymore.

But if it is with the subjugation team that has silver rank and higher explorers all around, and maybe even templars, I should be able to reduce the danger to the minimum.

If I fight on my own and manage to win, I might be able to get 1st place, but it is equally important to calmly think about what I can do and act upon it.

If it is for the sake of bringing back Nanami, I don’t mind dying. There’s no lie to those feelings of mine.

However, that doesn’t mean it is okay for me to die without being able to even revive her.

“Hikaru, you really are going…no matter what, right? Is it that important to fight the Demon Lord?” (Rifreya)

“Yeah. If I don’t, I probably will regret it for the rest of my life. I know that that’s not good though… Also, it is weird saying it myself, but I don’t think I will be deadweight.” (Hikaru)

As long as I am not stingy with my abilities, my Dark Spirit Abilities should be pretty useful assisting in battle.

There’s apparently no Dark Spirit Users in this city, so that’s even more the case.

“Then, since you tagged along with me today, this is my thanks!” (Rifreya)

She stopped in the middle of the road, let go of my hand that she hadn’t let go this whole time, and she gave me something.

It looks like a black board.

“This is?” (Hikaru)

“A porter authorization proof for the Demon Lord subjugation team. I plucked one out real hard!” (Rifreya)

“Wait…what does this mean?” (Hikaru)

“It means that, with this, you will be able to cross the gates as a porter, and enter the dungeon together with the subjugation team. I figured you would be saying you will be going anyway. Normally, I wouldn’t be able to get a porter just for myself, but I told them my achievements until now were thanks to my porter and some random stuff in order to have them issue this… Was it a bother?” (Rifreya)

That’s a surprise.

I didn’t think Rifreya would do something like that.

Because I haven’t told her the reason why I go dungeon diving…the reason why I must go down into the dungeon no matter what.

However, she noticed that I wanted to fight the Demon Lord, and made it so I could enter the dungeon.

“Can I really…enter with this? That I am a porter means that I can’t fight?” (Hikaru)

“Once the battle starts, it doesn’t matter. Let’s go get that reward!” (Rifreya)

If it is the pattern where I stealthily go with them, if I get caught, I would get thrown out, and there would even be the possibility of Rifreya’s standing worsening since she is from the same party.

But with this authorization proof, everything is cleared.

“T-Thank you…! Thanks, Rifreya. I am truly happy…!” (Hikaru)

“Ufufu, Hikaru too… Maybe you didn’t want to let go of me?” (Rifreya)

“That’s…” (Hikaru)

I was about to say it, but I couldn’t voice out the remaining part.

The expectation-filled face of Rifreya.

As if she were enduring a smile, as if enduring tears; making such a face, I didn’t know what to do.

There’s 5 days remaining… No, 4 days before the Viewer Count Race ends.

I plan on being alone again after that.

It was clear to anyone -no matter how dense they are- that Rifreya still wants to continue exploring with me.

Stuff like ‘are you fine with your templar exams?’ or ‘is it okay to not train your Spirit Abilities?’ I don’t know her circumstances well, but she wants to prioritize her time with me.

Even without telling me outright, I can tell that from seeing her attitude and expressions.

I also find dungeon diving together with Rifreya and Grapefull to be fun.

There’s a sense of fulfillment that I didn’t feel at the time when I emptied my heart and dove alone.

If this had been a normal isekai transfer, I could have chosen that.

But…it can’t be done.

The more pure and beautiful she is, the less I can be with her.

“…Then, I will come pick you up tomorrow morning.” (Hikaru)

“Hikaru…?” (Rifreya)

I take one…two steps away from her, and give my farewells.

…She has her own dreams.

…I have my own unavoidable circumstances.

I close my eyes in order to not see the uneasy face of Rifreya.

I make my heart hard and cold as steel, and turn my back to her.

“Good night!” (Hikaru)

I run with my all…

So that the lingering feelings and emotions can’t catch up with me.

Carrying those heavy emotions in my heart…