The Beautiful Monster

Dr. Hahn hummed beneath his breath as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"I know it's hard making this big step at your age, but you can't let things distract you like that. The rest of your life depends on what you do now," Dr. Hahn told her.

Alyssa wished that wasn't the case. She hated how one decision led to a whole domino effect.

It put so much more pressure on her now to do the right thing, but she still felt like a kid sometimes. How was she supposed to know what the right thing was?

"Yeah, I'm just trying to get everything together. It's a lot to juggle," Alyssa explained. She had piled a lot on her plate, but NYU wanted the best students.

She had to go above and beyond to impress them. Now, she was just tired and stressed. It sapped some of her excitement away.

"You're one of the sharpest students that I've ever had. I know you'll figure it out," Dr. Hahn said in an encouraging voice.

Alyssa smiled gratefully at him. It helped to have someone like him tell her that he believed in her.

At times, she lost faith in herself and her abilities, despite her accomplishments. She knew that she was doubting herself for no reason, but she didn't grow up with many people telling her that she was smart or capable. It meant a lot when anyone told her those things.

"Thank you. I'll figure it out one way or another," she said. No matter what, she figured things out, even if they were hard. What other choice did she have?

She couldn't just give up. That wasn't in her nature. That was why she was pushing Elias so much. She didn't want to give up on them. Doing nothing felt like giving up.

"I know you will," Dr. Hahn said before patting her shoulder. "Give me any updates or let me know if you need any help with anything."

"I will. Thank you, Dr. Hahn," Alyssa said as she watched him disappear back into his office. At times, she missed the old days of just being a research assistant.

Things felt simpler back then, but she knew that right now would feel simple to her in a year or so. It was all about perspective. Maybe she needed to change her perspective.

Alyssa walked out of the science building and back to her dorm. Seniors didn't get the nice dorms that the freshmen and sophomores did.

She had a communal bathroom and a small room, but it would do for the rest of the semester. She didn't really do much in her room but sleep.

The walls were bare. Her desk was busy. She wondered what kind of person she would become during medical school. She would certainly change.

It would be a whole new life for her. She would become a doctor at the end of it all, and she couldn't wait for that white coat to be placed on her.

When she reached the middle of her dorm room, she stopped and closed her eyes, hoping that things turned out okay.

She had come so far and done so much. Things couldn't fall apart now, right? That wouldn't make sense.

With a sigh, she dropped her backpack on the ground and plopped down in her bed, staring up at the ceiling.

Silence surrounded her. It was peaceful in a way. There was so much noise going on in her head, so this was a nice change.

She hoped things changed with her and Elias because things weren't great right now. Things were worse than they had ever been, and that didn't settle well with her at all.

The world felt like it was off its axis or something. She needed to fix this, but she didn't have the energy to. Right now, she just wanted to close her eyes and block out the noise in her head.

*******

Alyssa decided to take a late night walk that night to clear her head. It wasn't good for her to just lock herself up in her room and think.

She had done too much of that during her sophomore year. She was trying to be a different, better person this year, which meant less moping around and more being productive, even if she was feeling sad.

She pulled on her tennis shoes, a pair of black leggings, and a shirt before walking out of her dorm room and down the stairs to the first floor of the dorm building.

It was almost 9:00 at night, so not many people would be on campus. It would be peaceful and still, which was exactly what she wanted and needed.

Once she reached the sidewalk outside, she headed for the outskirts of campus, watching the cars fly down the nearby road. She missed taking her nightly runs, but she had gotten too busy to continue them.

This was a rare night when she actually had the time. However, she was too tired to run. She just wanted to walk and enjoy the fresh air.

She knew a walk wouldn't change anything or fix anything, but she needed distractions lately.

They preserved whatever sanity she had left, and she would need that for graduation and beyond. Or for whenever Elias decided to talk to her about New York.

She just had this bad feeling that he was going to tell her something that she didn't want to hear. What if he didn't want to go and they had to break up? She grimaced at the thought of that.

She never thought that they would face the possibility of breaking up. They had been so strong and so in love for years.

Now, this huge problem was facing them, and she wasn't sure if they were going to be able to survive it or not. She hoped that they did.

"You're not going to get run off again, are you?" A familiar voice sounded from behind her.