My Pick Up Artist System

"Excuse me. Do you work here? This shop is great," Ben said.

In the end, he chose the safe option A. It was the only one that didn't seem extreme. Although, he was surprised it was divine because the line seemed too plain. Ben didn't often use such an ordinary opener, but he knew a line was only as useful as its result.

Waiting for the professional beauty to respond, Ben stood near the shop window in the mall corridor as talkative shoppers passed by. Already having guessed what she would say, he was considering his next move. 'How should I follow up…'

It's too bad he got ahead of himself.

The woman glanced at Ben, then returned to staring at her clipboard. "I'm sorry, Sir. I'm working at the moment. If you step inside, a shopping attendant will help you…"

[Target's current attraction level: disinclined(-1)]

Ben blinked. 'Seriously? How could that be? Which was correct then?'

The system soon gave him the answer. Options A and C disappeared, leaving the correct divine line.

[B: Look at you, pathetic. Your father never believed in you. That's why you're here now]

Ben raised his eyebrows, but then his eyes flashed. 'Wait, isn't there a loophole? So what if I chose wrong, I can just use this line now. I feel bad because it's a bit mean, but the system is saying she wants to hear this…'

Ben took another step towards the woman. He sneered. "Look at you, pathetic. Your father never believed in you. That's why you're here now…"

The woman turned to Ben again, this time with a chilly glance. "Leave now…or I'll call security…"

[Target's current attraction level: disgusted(-1)]

Ben gulped. 'How did I become Nostradumbass?!? What's going on? Is the skill broken?' Despite his confusion, he walked away. Ben asked the system why the line didn't work, but it wouldn't answer him. He rubbed his neck, pondering the issue, glancing on occasion at the professional woman who continued to work.

While thinking about it, Ben observed a change near her. An older man exited the store in a black suit and spoke to her. It was clear even from a distance that they shared some facial resemblance. Ben couldn't hear their conversation, but it seemed like the man was rebuking her because she lowered her head in shame.

Ben sighed, having figured out the problem. 'Looks like the system won't make it easy…' He understood that the system structured the choices so using a wrong line would make it impossible for the correct one to work after. The wrong opener would either drop the target's attraction level or ruin her first impression of him.

'It seems the best opener isn't always the common sense one…' Despite Ben's failure, he didn't let it get him down. 'Well, the skill is only a boost. If I've learned anything, it's that at the end of nut…it's still going to depend on me.' Ben understood that the system was a helper, not a crutch.

Ben accepted the lesson. Then, he put it aside and focused on the next issue. 'White knight coming in to save the princess from an overbearing father...' Ben wanted to flex his muscles at last. He'd been working out religiously, having become even more muscular since his first transformation. He also gained strength and that wasn't including the strength potion he consumed that boosted it by 20%. Ben wasn't afraid of conflict anymore, having developed the trait of courage. 'I don't believe I'll lose to a senior citizen...'

'Though, it won't come to that. He'll test me with a challenging task, I'll succeed at the last second with my legendary plot armor...and claim her hand in marriage.' He marched his white horse towards the man, who was still chastising the woman. 'This beauty is being treated unjustly. She's in desperate need of rescue.' However, his march ended halfway in a Christopher Reeve moment...

When Ben got closer, he noticed that at the man's waist, there was a gun holster... Ben nodded in understanding. 'It's for her own good. Discipline builds character.'

He spun a 180 and marched back to seek a new heroic adventure. 'I've seen the MythBusters episode…Plot armor can't stop bullets...'

***

Over the next two hours, Ben went on 4 insta-dates in nearby cafes, and gathered a total of 5 numbers from attractive girls. Even though he couldn't s.e.x a phone number...more numbers meant more opportunities. He was satisfied to get those Glengarry leads...

It was a strong result, unimaginable to him the last time he was at this mall, when his openers were closer to insults, and he lacked the ability to follow up.

'It's hard to believe that was only a few weeks ago…' Ben sat on an ocean blue mall bench. He was taking a break, tapping the cold steel handrest while reminiscing over recent events.

That's when a familiar voice stood out from the passing crowd. Antonio greeted him. "Yo cuz, I got 4 numbers, how'd you do?"

Before Ben could respond, Antonio swiveled his head away. He spotted something more interesting nearby: an attractive brunette working inside a shop. He turned back to Ben. "Please tell me you haven't gotten her number yet? "

Ben shook his head.

Antonio smiled. "This is great. I have a stock opener for retail clerks I haven't use a while. They always call me sweetheart whenever I hit 'em with this. I'll lead the charge then…" He sauntered over to her.

When Antonio reached the clerk, he put on a solemn, bitter expression. "Hello, I'm here for my mother. She's very old now…"

The clerk replied with a pleasant smile, "Okay…"

Antonio continued. "I want to get somethin' nice for her. Something so she knows I love her, and help me remember her when she's gone…" He waited for the clerk's response. 'Here's the part where she says "Aw, you're so sweet…"'

"*** ****** ** *****..." the clerk replied.

'Does she have an accent? That sounded a bit off.' Antonio spread a polite smile. "Could you repeat that?"

"Leave, or I'm calling police..."

"It's nothin' much...any good son should--" His face froze in a smile, mid-humble-brag...

He realized her response was...a little unenthusiastic... 'She must've heard me wrong.' He repeated himself, "I said I'm here to get somethin' for my mother."

"We don't do that here!"

Antonio squinted. "What do you mean? Ain't this a shop?"

"Yes! It's a taxidermist!"

***

A few minutes later, back on the bench, Ben was staring at Antonio, having heard what happened. "So in essence, you asked her to stuff your dead mother and mount her on a wall?

...

Antonio was frowning. "I just wanted a scarf or something...who knew she had such strange hobbies?"

'...The issue isn't her hobbies but your lack of awareness.' Ben shook his head. "The line…maybe you should've customized it more… I mean, didn't you notice all the animal heads on the walls?"

Antonio snorted. "Point of a stock opener is it's supposed to do its job everywhere. How can you expect me to pay attention to those details? My mind was occupied; Didn't you see those jugs?"

…

Antonio glanced at the s.e.xy store clerk's body from a distance and swallowed. "I need to find a stock opener for taxidermists…"