In This Life, I Will Be The Lord

Chapter 181

Late at night when the moon rises high.

Strangely, it was a night when I couldn’t sleep.

I was sitting in my bedroom reading a book with a small light on.1

However, the contents of the book were not noticeable.

It’s been a long time since I opened the bookshelf, but it still stayed on the same page.

"What a book in this mood."

I covered the book and threw it sideways.

I know all too well why I’m feeling down right now.

"Why do you keep making that expression?"

At times like this, I resent the fact that I can read his feelings well from his expressionless face at first glance.

Before Caitlyn came in when he gets close as if kissing.

On Perez’s face, there were other emotions ahead of the excitement about the situation to come.

Anxiety.

He was anxious as if he would lose me even though I was lying right in front of him.

’I’ll take you there.’

’The guests are waiting, Perez, see you later.’

And when I turned around, refusing.

Perez was afraid. action

I can’t pretend I don’t know if I’m trying to pretend I don’t know.

"Whoa."

My sigh grew heavy.

There was also irritation.

"Why was I pounding so hard?"

When I thought of Perez, I was angry at my heart that responded together.

It was then.

Knock! Knock!

A low knock rang through the quiet room.

There was no word to tell who he was.

But it was obvious who was standing outside the door.

Thump! Thump!

My heart, which seemed to calm a little, jumped again.

The door was opened.

"Hi, Perez."

It was Perez who was standing, drawing a long shadow in the light of the hallway.

"...Are you okay?"

Perez didn’t come in front of the door, but immediately looked at my face and asked.

His brief gaze makes me feel strange again.

"It’s cold at night, come in and talk."

When I said that, Perez quickly stepped inside and close the door.

I was just saying it for the guy who ran the horse at night.

Perez probably took it as a sign that I was cold.

I sat next to Perez and prepared a tea.

Just like I always did when he came.

Between the teacup and the clatter of preparing the kettle, Perez said.

"I’m sorry, I came to you all of a sudden, Tia."

"You don’t have to be sorry."

I laughed brightly on purpose.

But the smile didn’t last long.

"Because Caitlyn said that your complexion is not good."

Caitlyn has good eyes.

After encountering each other this afternoon, she returned to the Palace and immediately informed Perez.

"Really? I’m fine. Why would Caitlyn say that?"

But the moment I said that a heavy teapot slipped out of my hand.

"Oops!"

It wasn’t dangerous.

However, as the teacup fell, hot water almost flowed into my dress.

But that did not happen.

It was because his hand wrapped around the falling teacup.

Of course, the hot tea water had spilled over into Perez’s hands.

"Perez!"

It was hotter than usual because the night air was chilly.

"You’re so-!"

If he had left it alone, he wouldn’t have been hurt and so I am.

I’m wearing a thick robe over my pajamas, so it probably wetting the hem a little.

But why?

I quickly took the teacup out of Perez’s hand and wiped it off with a towel.

And I shouted at Perez.

"Why are you being so reckless? What if you get really hurt!"

"It’s better than you getting hurt."

"Perez, you..."

I was speechless.

No matter how many calluses you have, you’ll definitely feel pain.

There was no sign of such pain in Perez’s face.

His eyes were only looking at me.

Even now, I could see how angry I was at myself, and I was looking at it with careful eyes.

I lowered my head a little, prevented Perez from seeing my face, and wiped his hands more carefully.

In the meantime, his skin became redder.

"It looks like it hurts."

"Not really."

Perez replied and looked at the hem of my robe.

It was to make sure that there was no hot water splashing.

I got emotional.

"You’re going to feel a lot of pain for a while."

"It’s okay."

“It might even get blisters.”

"It’s okay."

"It could be a scar."

"...It’s okay, Tia."

"What’s all right about that!"

Eventually, I let out a loud voice.

I could feel Perez’s red eyes staring at me.

"Perez, why are you... Why do you keep..."

I couldn’t speak very well.

All kinds of emotions and thoughts seemed to have gathered in my heart.

I sat with my mouth shut because I thought something strange would pop up if I did something wrong.

Without even realizing that my hand was holding Perez’s hand tightly.

Then Perez swept away my hair with his uninjured hand.

It was a friendly and somber touch.

"I like you, Tia."6

Perez said.

"You’re the most precious thing to me. So, don’t cry."5

Only then did I realize.

The fact that I’m crying.

Drop.

I could feel a drop of tears running down my right cheek.

Perez looked at me with distressed eyes somewhere, and carefully wiped my tears with his fingers.

"Don’t cry."

But Perez’s words were of no use.

Tears kept falling down.

"Perez."

"Huh?"

"Why...? Why do you like me?"1

Perez has wrinkles on his forehead.

And he answered.

"You gave me the world."7

I could feel his big hand surrounding my right cheek affectionately.

"You told me, I had to live."

Perez’s eyes smiled.

Somehow, the image of a young man overlapped.

The little man that looked at me with the grass around his mouth.

"So from that day on, I..."

Perez kissed my forehead.

And rubbed his forehead to mine carefully.

"I lived for you, Tia."2

Perez’s nose stuck on the tip of my nose.

"I can’t help but love you."1

"Do you... love me?"

My asking voice was damp and trembling.

"From the moment we first met."

There was a laugh in his voice.

"You were my world..."

I overlapped my lips on Perez’s lips.8

The tears that flowed through it permeated the salty taste, but it didn’t matter.

I grabbed his shirt and pulled him as close as I could, bringing his lips.

I could see that my lips which were out of breath with the scent of Perez, and my fingertips holding his shirt were trembling finely.

And Perez’s big hand covered my hand.

He held my trembling hand.

"Sigh."

A small breath eventually burst out of my mouth in my heart pounding as if I had been running.

And as if it were a signal, Perez began to move.

His hand which was wrapped in a towel, suddenly released freely and penetrated between my neck and hair.

His hard fingers touched the line of my chin and my earlobe.

Every time he did that, I felt like a spark was flying inside me.

Every time Perez’s lips rush through my lips.

"Haa!"

Every time the tip of his tongue touches me.

Like beating and flinting.

Before I knew it, I wrapped my arm around Perez’s neck.

Our bodies were in contact without an inch of the gap.

"Tia."

The flame kept growing as Perez called me in a low voice.

Even though his hands, which go down my waist and grabbed me with a strong grip, he’ll quickly release his strength.

Even that hesitation as if he was afraid if I would break.

Even the thirst that comes again when I’m out of breath and he takes off his lips and retreat.

All have been handed down to me.

"Haa..."

Perez took off his lips when I was having a hard time.

However, his rough fingers rubbed my lips continuously.

When I opened my eyes slightly, I encountered red eyes looking at me as if I was possessed.

There was only me in it.

The only thing I could see was his burning eyes.

But for a moment, his eyes shook.

"Perez?"

"...Why?"

In a low, rough voice, Perez asked me.

"Why are you grieving?"

And before I knew it, I looked at my new tears.

I’m crying.

Perhaps Perez was more distressed.

I said as Perez had done for me, sweeping his cheeks tenderly.

"I’m going to be a Matriarch, Perez."

"I know."

"And you must ascend the throne."

"...I suppose so."

"How can I not be sad when we see the end of us like that?"1

My heart is trembling like this.

It says I want to be with him.

I want him to give up everything for me, even though I know I can’t.1

I want to pour out such selfish greed.

I kissed Perez’s lips once again.

It’s different from before.

It was a careful kiss.

"Tia."

He looked into my eyes to see if he felt it, too.

"The Imperial Law does not prevent the second son from becoming Emperor. It’s just that there’s no precedent, and it doesn’t stop a woman from becoming a householder."

I spoke in a calm voice as much as I could.

"But as a householder, she can’t be the Empress."

More precisely, the moment she becomes Empress, the woman loses all her inheritance rights.

Just as it is absorbed as an Imperial existence.

The name of the family from which they were born can only leave a trace as the middle name.

I put mine on Perez’s forehead and said.

"I’ll choose my family, again and again, Perez. I’ll choose Lombardy."

I didn’t want to lie to him.

Perez’s long eyelashes were seen shaking.

"I’m sorry."

I said it with all my heart.

"However..."

"Stop."

Perez also kissed me and said.

"Don’t be sad anymore, Tia."

Warm hands approached me preciously.

"You don’t have to be sad because of that."

"What do you mean...?"

Perez looked at me silently.

"To me, a world that cannot be with you is meaningless."2

Perez’s voice was low.

"So I’m thinking of changing the world. So you don’t have to worry, Tia."5

The man who said so rubbed his face against my neck and my slanted hair.

"Don’t be sad."

A red rose-like scent came to swallow me.

"When you’re sad, it’s like someone’s cutting my heart with a knife."

Perez said, hugging me tightly.

"So don’t be sad, Tia."

So I didn’t see his red eyes cast a cruel light.

* * *

Lombardy Scholarship Day.

The mansion was as noisy as always on a scholarship day.

Looking out of the window, more people were arriving, even though it was held earlier than it had been scheduled.

I leaned against the window sill and was looking down for a moment when I heard a knock.

"Come on in."

The door opened quietly with my permission.

"Lady Florentia."

"Welcome, Caitlyn."

Caitlyn, who came into the room first, stood aside and I saw the person standing behind her.

I greeted her gladly even when I saw her.

"Welcome to Lombardy’s mansion, Miss Ramona."

Ramona, who has beautiful red hair and blue eyes, looked nervous.

"No, I’m going to call it properly now."

I approached and smiled, reaching out one hand for a handshake.

"Welcome, Lady Ramona Brown."