I'm Really a Superstar

He began disparaging the moment he went up!

He began scolding the moment he appeared!

And there was not a bit of foreshadowing. Zhang Ye's hooligan nature of bringing injustice upon himself was perfectly revealed with great gusto.

Be it at the venue or outside, the audience members were excited. They stared with their eyes widened as if they were on stimulants. Just this opening scene was already shocking enough. They had a feeling that, with Zhang Ye's rotten temper, what he was about to say would be even more face smacking.

Those at home, watching Department 11's live broadcast on the internet, immediately informed their friends and family. More and more people gathered to watch the internet live stream and were extremely excited!

"Quick, take a look!"

"Old Chang, come online, quick!"

"Face-smacking Zhang has returned!"

"Central TV's Department 11's official website is streaming it live! Quickly watch!"

"Yesterday, they collectively boycotted them, but now Zhang Ye and Yao Jiancai are striking back!"

"Ah ha. Tang Dazhang's two disciples who led the front to disparage Zhang Ye are now covered in blood at the scene!”

“They were scolded!”

“I have a hunch that this 'I will reject the Three Vulgarities' will definitely be a work of God!"

......

On-stage.

After revealing a burden, Zhang Ye looked at Yao Jiancai and said, "I really like this industry of yours. Do it well and serve the people. Bring laughter to the masses."

Yao Jiancai nodded. "That is as it should be."

Zhang Ye asked, "Why do so many people like crosstalk?"

"Why?" Yao Jiancai asked.

Zhang Ye said, "That's because crosstalk is an art from the people."

Yao Jiancai: "That's true."

Zhang Ye said, "It praises the commoners."

Yao Jiancai: "Yes."

Zhang Ye blinked and said, "So I really wish for you to engage in gang fights."

The audience laughed!

Yao Jiancai exclaimed, "Gang fights? Why would we engage in gang fights?"

Zhang Ye corrected him. "No, no. My meaning is that if you want one person to praise, then the group of crosstalk performers will praise collectively!"

Yao Jiancai chuckled, "Praise collectively? Why is it so weird?"

This burden joke had once again pulled the crosstalk performers in. The audience were delighted to see this as they laughed or hissed with "Pfft" sounds!

Zhang Ye said, "Anyway, I like crosstalk."

Yao Jiancai: "If you like it, that's good."

Zhang Ye smiled and said, "It's laborious poems and songs."

Yao Jiancai asked curiously, "Why did it become poems and songs?"

Zhang Ye acknowledged. "I usually like writing poems."

Yao Jiancai asked with interest, "Do you have any works?"

"Not mature works." Zhang Ye said humbly.

Yao Jiancai: "Hur Hur, you can say some of it. We can listen to it."

Zhang Ye said, "Alright, then I'll hope everyone can correct me."

Yao Jiancai nodded. "Then let's enjoy it."

Clearing his throat, Zhang Ye pondered for a little while before empathetically reciting, "The skies of Xuanwu district are clear. Tongzhou District's people like it." He mustered up his hands and said emotionally, "Shouting out loud while looking at Fengtai in the distance...." His pitch went a little higher this time, "I love you.... Haidian!"

Xuanwu, Tongzhou, Fengtai, Haidian. These were the names of several counties in Beijing. When this poem was recited by Zhang Ye, the audience all broke out in laughter!

"Hahaha!"

"Aiyah!

"Why did you shout out about Haidian when you were looking at Fengtai!"

Yao Jiancai was also at a loss for words. He could only muster, "What kind of poem is that?!"

Zhang Ye said, "You didn’t understand the deep meaning behind it?"

Yao Jiancai said, "No, I didn't. What deep meaning was there?"

Zhang Ye said in a serious tone, "Although this poem does not sound like it, its meaning is actually very deep. It shows the close working relationships of the Beijing people and the friendship and solidarity between the counties!"

The audience was already laughing out loudly!

Yao Jiancai shook his head, "I didn't get that type of meaning from hearing it."

Zhang Ye said earnestly, "To welcome the National Sports Meet."

Yao Jiancai: "I don't see that either."

Zhang Ye: "To accomplish the four modernizations, to contribute to the success of the China-Africa Forum, this reflects the commoners contributions to all of those!"

Yao Jiancai said exasperatedly, "Where in that poem was there such a meaning?!"

Everyone in the audience were cramping up with laughter. There was really no relation to the National Sports Meet or even the China-Africa Forum!

The Folk Arts world was just talking about how your crosstalk was vulgar and superficial, yet this is what you came up with?

Hahahaha!

Everyone could hear that Zhang Ye was being sarcastic towards that bunch of people!

Zhang Ye stared at Yao Jiancai and said, "If I say there is, then there is! That if it is as such, then it will be that!"

Yao Jiancai couldn't be bothered by him, "Sure, sure, sure. Then I will just let it be so."

Zhang Ye said, "Remember, as an actor, you need to serve the people."

Yao Jiancai said, "Of course I know that."

Zhang Ye: "You have to be elegant!"

Yao Jiancai: "Elegant?"

Zhang Ye spoke in a lofty manner, "We definitely cannot engage in the Three Vulgarities. We need to have good taste. We need to go one level up with a 'stool'!" Saying that, he tip-toed!

Yao Jiancai hurriedly tugged at him. "You might fall, come down quickly. That's a completely different level!"

The audience burst into laughter!

Zhang Ye shook his head in a serious manner. “We can't fall for that again. We can only fall for it once, so we have to raise our level on a 'stool'!"

Yao Jiancai was once again almost at a loss for words, "Raise our level on a 'stool'. If it has to be a 'stool', then let it be a 'stool'!"

Zhang Ye looked at him, "You're getting chatty, aren't ya?"

Yao Jiancai said, "You're the one who is being chatty!"

A few of the audience members were laughing from beginning till the end until their mouths had gone numb!

Zhang Ye patted Yao Jiancai on his shoulder and told him in earnest, "Remember, what is the use of crosstalk?"

Yao Jiancai asked, "Please tell me?"

Zhang Ye said, "Crosstalk....is meant to educate people!"

When the audience heard this, they immediately went 'Yi'!

"Yi!"

"Yi!"

There was booing throughout the audience!

Zhang Ye pointed out to the audience in confusion, "Eh? They are calling out for you?"

Yao Jiancai said merrily, "That's to stop you from talking any further."

Zhang Ye said in profoundness, "That's what I feel though. Crosstalk was meant to educate people! You're not an actor!"

Yao Jiancai: "Then what am I?"

Zhang Ye said, "You're a teacher!"

Yao Jiancai: "Oh?"

Zhang Ye continued on, "You're ‘an’ professor!"

Yao Jiancai nearly fainted, "An professor? You don't use 'an' with professor!"

The audience were still laughing!

He's scolding again!

He's started his scolding again!

Zhang Ye was patting on him on the shoulders as he said, "Your job is to educate people, so you need to pay detailed attention to make sure that your work is of good taste. You also need to note what the people can learn from your work today. That's what your job is all about. You do not need to consider whether or not it will bring joy to others!"

Yao Jiancai: "Ah?"

Zhang Ye grunted, "They deserve it! Whether or not it will bring joy!"

At this point, the audience was slapping their thighs in laughter!

Yao Jiancai: "Ah?"

Zhang Ye: "Your job is just to educate others, so why do you care if they enjoy it or not! What's so bad about losing hundreds of millions of viewers? Your position will still be very stable!"

Yao Jiancai: "I don't even know where I'm standing now, so don't talk to me about stability?"

Zhang Ye instructed, "You must be elegant no matter what! Do you know what elegance is?"

Yao Jiancai said, "Tell me?"

Zhang Ye said, "An elegant person is one who goes against the people! Whether or not they listen. If they don't listen, so be it! They will get their just deserts! And die off!"

A few people in the audience could no longer take it. They were already tearing up from the laughter. They knew Zhang Ye's mouth was wicked, but they had not expected his sarcasm to be done in such a different way!

He was just doing a blanket bombing of sarcasm on those people!

Those who had criticized Zhang Ye for his crosstalk, saying that he had no depth or artistic points, were all being scolded at now!

Zhang Ye wasn't done yet as he said to Old Yao, "Remember, you're a teacher. As long as your works can cause a person to cry in agony, you'd have made it!"

The crosstalk judges' faces also turned dark!

Yao Jiancai: "Ah?"

Zhang Ye then said, "An outstanding crosstalk actor must surely reject the Three Vulgarities!"

Yao Jiancai made a sound, "Is that so?"

Zhang Ye said, "They must definitely reject the Three Vulgarities! That must be etched into the minds."

Yao Jiancai said modestly, "Good, good, good."

Zhang Ye said, " Surely(shitty), people make progress with modesty. If shitty people can improve! Then sure, you, as someone made of flesh and meat, can too!"

With the audience laughing, Yao Jiancai touched his forehead and said, "You're being too dirty again! You must be the embodiment of the Three Vulgarities."

When Zhang Ye heard that, his eyes stared so harshly at him, "Do you think that I won’t kill you?"

Yao Jiancai: "Heh!"

Zhang Ye puffed up his cheeks and rolled up his sleeves, "You've never been beaten up by a hooligan before, have you? A flower pot smashed upon your head resulting in a bloody splatter, even leaving your eyeballs in need of stitches! The Three Vulgarities are my means of insulting others. You can't say that about me, get it?"

Yao Jiancai laughed, "I can't say that about you?"

Zhang Ye dismissively said, "You dare say that I am an embodiment of the Three Vulgarities? Just someone like you would be shot immediately if you took a step forward. If you take a step backwards, you might be released on compassionate grounds!"

Yao Jiancai said, "Alright then, is there even anything good about me then?"

Zhang Ye said, "For just being caught like this is enough to execute you with gunfire for five minutes straight!"

Pfft!

Shot immediately?

Released on compassionate grounds?

Execution by gunfire for 5 minutes straight?

Aiyo, how did you even come up with such a segment!

The audience was once again tickled by the hidden meanings contained within the segments. They couldn't stop laughing as they had never heard such a novel joke segment before!

There was even wisdom and sarcasm contained in every part!

Zhang Ye sounded like he was talking about Yao Jiancai, but it was obvious that this scolding was meant for other people!

Zhang Ye pulled himself together before saying as he gestured, "From the moon looking down upon the earth, you'd first see the Great Wall, then followed by the bunch of us who are rejecting the Three Vulgarities!"

Yao Jiancai said in surprise, "Heh, did these bunch of people really make such a big deal out of this?"

Zhang Ye straightened his collar, "That's for sure." then he looked down at the bunch of crosstalk actors, "There are many present here today with us who are rejecting the Three Vulgarities just like we are!" He waved at them.

The audience roared with laughter!

"Yi!"

"Yi!"

"Hahaha!"

Below the stage, a crosstalk actor seated with Tang Dazhang could no longer sit around. He stood up with a darkened expression and turn around to leave. He wasn't going to listen to this anymore!

Zhang Ye saw him and said, "Why is one of our people leaving?"

Yao Jiancai laughed, "He might be getting excited by all this talk and needs to go to the restroom."

"Oh, I see." Zhang Ye waved at him and said, "I wish you success!"

When the crosstalk actor who had almost reached the door heard this, his legs fumbled and he nearly fell flat on his face. Zhang Ye, you b**stard!

You're being too sarcastic!

Why would you wish someone success if they were going to the toilet?

Am I a simpleton?

At this moment, the audience burst out into laughter once more. The loudest one since the performance had begun!

"Hahahaha!"

"Absolutely!

That's was a really good one!"

"It's still the most fun to listen to Zhang Ye scold others!"

"Yea, those bunch of people were doing veiled satire, boycotted, denounced, and even anonymously criticized, but look at Teacher Zhang, he's directly scolding them! And it was even in front of a national audience! Just this spirit alone is enough to one up those despicable people who had sour grapes!"

"One even ran away!"

"Aiyo, this is really tickling me so much!"

This scolding really relieved the anger!

It even felt good!

Everyone felt comfortable and felt great. This was what crosstalk was f**king about!

***Translator notes:

Thank you for your support so far! Please continue to support IRAS by submitting a vote at Gravity Tales Vote Page.

Seems like we're losing steam bad in the votes, we need you!!