How To Raise Your Regressor

Chapter 49 - Well, Well, Well

"I-I… I need to save him!" She declared as if she had made up her mind.

Hmm, this is odd.

Given her behaviour so far, I was sure that she'd try to hide my corpse or blame my death on someone/something else.

In fact, I was hoping for her to go down that path as that would have given me more artistic freedom to play with her.

This is sad, Memory System play Langsam.

No.?

And it is supposed to be my creation.

Anyway, now that I think about it, saying that her actions would have allowed me to 'play' with her makes me sound like an asshole.

However, in my defence, everything was just a series of coincidences. I seriously did not expect her to make those decisions.

?Or you could say it was fate.?? He interjected once again.

[Nope. I'm outside fate.]

Fate, the one thing that directs everything that everyone will go through, has no effect on me.

And that's precisely what makes me so dangerous yet so desirable, and why I eliminate everyone who comes to know of my existence.

Because try as they might, no one can escape their fate, not even the Ancient Gods.

Everything that happens is according to fate. If something tries to go against fate, then the very fundamental blocks of this Universe do everything in their power to make sure that person doesn't succeed.

?And your very existence unravels the fate of those around you. That's why everyone wants the First Being, because that would allow them to go against their fate.??

[Oh? So you know about it?]

Then why did he say that?

?That was just a metaphor.?? He sighed. ??You see, dialogue is enriched by subtext. In the above case, my sentence was supposed to be an ironical one, but you decided to take it literally and ramble on about fate.??

[Thank you for that very much unneeded lesson in writing.]

He wants to teach a best-selling author about writing. Wao.

?Anyway, why don't we focus on our current predicament? What are you going to do???

[What can I do? I'm a dead-body, remember?]

Corpses aren't supposed to do anything, so let's just lie here and let her do her thing.

I want to see what this wanker is up to now.

She wants to save me, but how exactly is she going to achieve that feat?

Hmm, now that I think about it, Azell went out of his way to bring her here. That means she must be special in some way.

But what way? If we look at her determination to resurrect me, it would be safe to assume that she has some sort of skill to achieve it.

What could it be? Can she straightaway bring me back to life? Or maybe she can turn back time. Or perhaps, she can exchange something precious, like half of her life, to extend mine.

Lecia kneeled beside me. By the way, I concluded that by using my exceptional deductive skills, as well as my distorted vision and the sounds I was hearing.

Oh, and by the fact that one of her knees was touching my arm.

Then Lecia put her hands on my chest and took a deep breath.

Alright, show me the ace up your sleeve, Lecia. How exactly are you going to revive me?

"Hup!" Lecia pushed my chest.

Then she let go, and then she pushed again.

…

What in the goddamn fuck are you doing, Lecia?

?Hahahahhahaahahha! Her special skill is CPR!??

Uhhhh, wut? CPR? Seriously? Is that it?

This is just wow, Lecia, this is just wow.

Wait, if it's CPR, then…

Sure enough, she tilted my head, lifted my chin, grabbed my mouth to open my airway, pinched my nose and pushed her lips against mine to create a seal.

Then she performed rescue breathing. Since she had performed every step perfectly, my chest rose.

Okay, so.

What.

The.

Actual.

Fuck.

First of all, why is she so good at doing CPR? Was she professionally trained or what?

Like vro, this is a fantasy world, so use fantasy means to save people. What's with performing CPR? We don't need that kind of realism here.

?What about the fact that you got your first kiss of this life by an edgy teenager who first killed you, then tried to resuscitate you???

[A comedian, eh? Fuck off, I have no time for your inane faggotry.]

Couldn't he see that I was deliberately trying to avoid thinking about that?

Oh my god, just end me now.

Should I wake up and incite her into truly killing me? Because that sounds better than having to live with this.

Imagine if I woke up and said something like, 'Hey it was a prank. Wave to that camera over there.'

Assuming she doesn't kill me right then and there, all future interactions with her are going to be so awkward.

Goddamnit.

I REALLY need to think before playing pranks. Though in my defence, I seriously didn't expect her to perform a fucking CPR on me.

Like, who the fuck does that?

I guess people who don't want someone to die. Shit.

?So, what are you going to do??? He asked, his tone one of bemusement.

This fucker.

[I'll see this to the finish.]

Time to abandon my epic prank, make this real, and come back to life, just like my homie Jesus did.

Lecia had shifted back to compressing my chest to pump blood to my brain.

The weirdness of this situation aside, her technique is just exquisite. She performed all the steps with supreme precision and swiftness, as if she knew what she was doing.

I wouldn't be surprised if was professionally trained in the art of saving people.

Anyway, after her next rescue breathing step, I'll act as if I have come back to life.

As unfortunate as this is, I'll once again have to unite my lips with hers.

Wow.

"Come on, work!" She prayed(?) while doing chest compressions like an absolute champ.

Then, to my chagrin, she moved on to the next step. She provided artificial breathing to me for a second time.

This time, I jerked my body and started coughing violently- wait, wrong one.

I kept my eyes half-open and wheezed for breath.

"Finally!" Lecia clapped in relief.

I took some more deep breaths and glared at her; it's important to act like I really had come back to life.

But before I could say anything, she placed her right hand on my chest.

"Don't worry, I'll fix you up right away." She said as her eyes glowed golden.

…Now what?