Hagakure Sakura Does Not Lament

Chapter 109

The Sin of Ignorance

Translated by LyraDhani

In his slumbering consciousness, Tsugumi was dreaming. Before his memory was engulfed by a sea of flames, he dreamed of a time when he was still a young child.

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The earliest memory he had was of his older sister, Sakura, trying to touch young Tsugumi with a troubled look.

He still remembered the way his small hand gripped his sister’s finger as he reached out in a timid manner, and his sister, surprised by this, smiled with a very sad look on her face.

Time passed, and by the time Tsugumi came to his sense, he and his sister were living in an institution surrounded by white walls.

Looking back now, it seemed this was the Star of Dawn, a religious institution run by his sister. He remembered that the strange bills scattered on the white walls were frightening to him as a child.

It was a very spacious facility, but for Tsugumi, the only impression left behind was that the place was extremely cramped.

Unlike his older sister, who was free to move around the facility, he was only allowed to go out alone in the living space he shared with his sister. When he was taken out to the occasional festivals, he was forced to sit in the middle of the white altar and was not even allowed to open his mouth.

He was not allowed to go outside, and even the people he talked to were restricted, so it was extremely boring for young Tsugumi.

–But his older sister always took good care of him. It could be described as devotion.

The language, how to eat, how to write, and basic common sense. She taught him everything he needed to know as a human being. For Tsugumi, his older sister, Sakura-oneechan, was his mother, his friend, and his teacher. In a way, she was the only thing that made his world complete.

–He was dissatisfied, but it wasn’t hard. Tsugumi at this time was definitely [happy].

But when he looked back to the past after learning about the outside world, many strange things came to mind. In those days, Tsugumi did not have a word to refer to individuals–the thing called a name didn’t exist.

His sister and his caretakers called him “Tsugumi” or “Tsugumi-sama,” and at first he thought that “Tsugumi” was his name, but it turned out that was not the case.

According to his sister, the name “Tsugumi” was a temporary name, not his real name. His sister didn’t give him a name “to keep bad things away”, but he didn’t know what the real reason was.

…Although his sister didn’t tell the origin of the name “Tsugumi,” he later heard the caretaker ladies talking about the origin of the name.

–Keep your mouth shut about the existence of that child, no matter what anyone outside asks.

She had been telling her followers this since Tsugumi was a baby. And as he grew older, it became inconvenient for him not to have a temporary name, so she created the temporary name “Tsugumi” as a reminder not to speak of him to anyone. …To put it bluntly, it was a ridiculous reason.

–A nameless child who was not allowed to be let out. Just from that alone showed how unusual Tsugumi’s situation was at the time.

But Tsugumi did not dislike the name. It was true that at first he was dissatisfied with the odd origin of the name, but – after a chance encounters one day with a young man who told him about the bird called “Tsugumi” – his impression of it changed.

The young man wandered into the room where Tsugumi usually spent time while his sister was away, and with a surprised look on his face, he said, “Are you the rumored ‘Tsugumi-sama’?”

When Tsugumi complained, “Maybe, but I don’t really like the way I am called ‘Tsugumi,'”. The young man sat down next to Tsugumi without hesitation that it was almost brazen – and urged him to tell him why.

Tsugumi was puzzled by the unfamiliar contact, but he spoke up and told the young man about his frustration. The young man made a thoughtful gesture, then smiled brightly and said.

“Tsugumi is also the name of a migratory bird. It’s not very big, but it flies high in the sky, and some of them come to Japan across the sea from the continent.”

“Across the sea? But the ocean is huge, isn’t it? It’s amazing. I can’t go anywhere.”

Tsugumi had never actually seen the ocean, but he knew how big it was. –But if a small bird could travel so far, why couldn’t he even get out of here? The thought suddenly occurred to him, and he felt suffocated.

As he stared dejectedly at the floor, the young man roughly patted him on the head and said.

“Ah, the sea is wide. In the past, people thought there was nothing beyond the sea. –But even birds like that are free to fly anywhere. So you, with the same name, will surely be able to fly far someday.”

With these words, the young man consoled Tsugumi. He would visit his room several times to tell him stories and show him pictures of the outside, but then one day he stopped coming.

Tsugumi felt sad about it, but he didn’t say it. If he told his sister about it, he felt even the smallest of memories would disappear.

She was not very happy about the fact that he was interested in other people. When she walked around the facility, she would never let go of his hand. It was as if she was afraid of losing him.

Shortly before Tsugumi’s seventh birthday, she began to move around a lot. The time she had to spend with Tsugumi was gradually decreasing, and when it was getting to the point where it was becoming a real pain to kill time–that girl appeared.

“This child is called Chidori. –She is your new older sister.”

Saying that, the girl leaped in front of Tsugumi with her back pushed by his older sister, and smiled softly and innocently with blurry eyes.

“Nice to meet you, Tsugumi-kun. We’ll be together from now on!”

–Even now, he didn’t know how to describe the shock he felt at that moment. For the first time in his life, he was given a family member other than his sister Sakura. A human being that he could talk to freely. …A friend who was the same age as him.

…It must have started since then. Ever since then, Tsugumi had been mistaken.

After that, his sister stopped coming to the room more frequently than before, but Tsugumi was happy. His new sister, Chidori, was always in the dull room.

She was a little absent-minded, but she was always kind to him. They talked about the outside world and the games they could play together. The interaction with a girl of the same age was too new for Tsugumi.

…However, Chidori would occasionally look up at the sky thoughtfully with a sad expression on her face. When Tsugumi asked her about it, Chidori didn’t seem to realize she was making such a face. –As if she was being emotionally manipulated.

But, unaware of this, Tsugumi was enjoying a happy life, despite his doubts about Chidori’s condition.

–He didn’t know that his happiness was built on thin ice.

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Burning. Burning. The white altar burned with red flames. Tsugumi gazed at the scene with a hazy head.

–The collapse began on the morning of Tsugumi’s seventh birthday. It was the day of the fire of unprecedented magnitude.

The sun had not yet risen. His pale-faced older sister shook him awake, and he did as she told him and drank the bright blue liquid. Then, as Tsugumi gradually fell into a deep slumber, his sister looked like she was about to cry and muttered to herself.

“–At least, Tsugumi alone, I definitely will save you. …I went to the trouble of preparing a replacement vessel for that purpose.”

After that, the memory of what happened next was long gone. By the time he realized it, the altar where the ritual was about to take place was already surrounded by flames.

When Tsugumi looked around slowly, Chidori was crying as she clung to him. And then he saw another one – a girl covered in blood, leaning on her thorn knee.

An alarm bell ran in the back of his head. –No, you mustn’t know.

But with a trembling hand, Tsugumi touched the fallen girl’s head. With a twirl, the girl’s face was revealed.

“Oneechan? What’s wrong, you’re so red… Why don’t you say anything…?”

The light was already gone from the girl’s eyes–Sakura-oneechan, and it was obvious that she was dead. No matter how much he called out to her, she didn’t say anything back. However, Tsugumi, who had never been exposed to the death of an animal, let alone a human being, could not understand the concept of [death].

As Tsugumi curiously shook his sister, a shadow suddenly appeared directly above him. Involuntarily, Tsugumi looked up and saw a woman standing there with burns all over her body.

Seeing this, the frightened Chidori, who was standing next to him, nuzzled her face into Tsugumi’s waist and hugged him. She must have been afraid of the woman’s injuries.

Seeing Chidori like that, the woman’s face contorted in frustration and she let out a single tear. Then, she crouched down in front of Tsugumi, pointed at Chidori, and said in a hushed voice.

“What is this child to you?”

“Chidori is my older sister. She’s an important family member and a dear friend. –Hey, Oneesan. Sakura-oneechan hasn’t woken up since a while ago. What do you think I should do to wake her up?”

The woman with the burns stared hatefully at his sister’s body below Tsugumi’s knees and spat out.

“Even your own brother is treated like this. …You outcast. You left something troublesome until the end.”

The woman slowly reached for Tsugumi’s neck and began to squeeze harder. The woman brought her sore face close and quietly opened her mouth as Tsugumi moaned from the sudden suffocation.

“Listen to me, child of miko. You have sinned. –You have robbed a poor woman of her family. Therefore, I must punish you. As the one and only God.”

As if in tandem with the woman’s words, a burning pillar collapsed at the edge of his rattling, hazy vision. Red flames danced through the air, roaring and burning everything in sight. As if to purify the human karma.

“Protect the child. Protect Chidori. –Protect Akane’s daughter. That is the only reason for your existence.”

Opening his mouth in pain, Tsugumi slightly nodded at the woman’s words. The woman’s words were not very clear to his depleted mind, but he did understand that she was asking him to protect Chidori. –Because it was natural for Tsugumi to protect his family.

In his fading consciousness, he stared at the woman with the burns. But why? They didn’t look alike, yet through his distorted vision, she seemed to resemble Chidori in some way.

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Tsugumi woke up with tears streaming down his cheeks. Apparently, he was traveling in a car.

“Are you okay?! We’re almost at the hospital!”

From next to his seat, he could hear the staff member he had just met saying something like that. But he covered his face with his hands without replying. The tears that flowed unceasingly soaked into the fabric of the expensive-looking car.

–It’s not like I’ve recovered all my memories. But I can guess.

…The thing that his sister tried to call out. God’s mess. Tsugumi was surely the vessel for it. That was probably why he had been kept alive and hidden. Thinking about it, that treatment made sense.

The reason why Chidori was always in a daze was most likely because her memory was tampered with in some way. He didn’t know how she got there, but it was definitely through a lousy method. There was no parent who would give up their own daughter, knowing that she was going to be sacrificed.

–However, his sister failed. She died for that reason. He didn’t know what happened to that place. But the only family Tsugumi had left was lost forever. That much was painfully clear.

–And so was Chidori’s family. Now that he had made a contract with God, he understood. The one who spoke through that burned woman’s body was definitely a higher God. That God was concerned about Chidori to the very end. It was not normal for a high-ranking god to care about a child with whom they had no connection.

In other words, the woman with the burns – the woman with whom God had contracted – was a relative of Chidori’s, or perhaps her mother. Considering that she herself did not speak, she might have already breathed her last at that time.

“…Ah, I see. –Was it all my fault?”

Spitting out the words, Tsugumi muttered.

Sin. Ah, even if it was a felony. How did his sister bring Chidori to him? What happened at the ceremony? Why did that God seal Tsugumi’s memory? –It didn’t matter anymore. If Tsugumi had died a quiet death as originally planned, becoming a vessel for the ritual, surely no one would have been hurt. If it wasn’t a sin, then what was it?

–And what would be the point of meeting Chidori now?

It was not even funny that the man she considered her only family was actually the cause of her mother’s death. Tsugumi couldn’t help but feel sorry for Chidori.

Meanwhile, the car in which Tsugumi was riding was slowly approaching the hospital. –To the place where Chidori was laid to rest, a place he knew nothing about.