Cultivation Chat Group (Web Novel)

This forged ‘command to pursue and kill’ of the Limitless Demon Sect was just a bait that Young Master Hai had used to attract that ‘masked man’ and push him to attack Song Shuhang...

"Sigh… you could have used your brain a little, you know? Did you really think that the sect would use normal white paper for a command to pursue and kill? Hahaha..." Young Master Hai tore the ‘command’ of the Limitless Demon Sect through the body of the chubby middle-aged man he was controlling.

Then, he stretched his hand and grabbed a small golden hairpin on the back of the man’s head, gently pulling it out.

Once the golden hairpin came off, the connection between him and the middle-aged man broke.

The middle-aged man held the golden hairpin in his hands and softly fell to the ground, fainting—after waking up, he would think that he fell asleep in this place after getting drunk. Perhaps, he would even feel happy that he had a small golden hairpin in his hands...

At this time, in Song Shuhang’s room.

The corners of Venerable White’s mouth rose, revealing a smile. ‘So it was someone from the Limitless Demon Sect! I was just thinking how to find their headquarters… maybe I’ll find some clues this time.’

Venerable White boasted an enormous amount of mental energy, how could one hope to escape him so easily?

❄️❄️❄️

The next day, early morning.

Song Shuhang slept till 8 AM.

He was exhausted after experiencing all those things yesterday night. Therefore, he unknowingly slept for quite a while.

"Are you finally awake?" Senior White turned his head and asked with a smile.

At this time, Senior White was using the computer, watching a movie and scrolling through the chat at the same time.

The movie he was watching was— F*ck, isn’t this from the series of Fast & Furious? Song Shuhang felt a sudden impulse to change the movie into a video tutorial on traffic rules and safe travel.

In the group, several seniors were discussing.

While Senior White was scrolling through the chat log, Song Shuhang happened to see an SOS message from Palace Master Seven Lives Talisman. "Is there any fellow daoist that can send a professor of Chinese language here via mail? I’m really at a loss right now!"

"Pfff…" Song Shuhang almost choked.

He wants someone to send a professor of Chinese language via mail to his place?

Senior, a professor of Chinese language is a person! You can’t casually send him via mail like an object...

Wait, both Soft Feather and Sixteen sent themselves over via mail… does it mean that it’s perfectly normal for the seniors in the group chat to send people via mail?

Dharma King Creation: "Fellow Daoist Seven Lives, what happened? Why do you want us to send a professor via mail?"

As expected, he asked ‘why’ and not ‘can you even send a professor via mail?’... it seems that these seniors have a bizarre concept of express delivery!

This is a serious problem. Someone might get hurt!

At this time, Northern River’s Loose Cultivator replied, "If I’m not mistaken, fellow daoist Seven Lives should be on a remote island, trying to teach the natives how to read and write. Was there some problem with their instruction?"

"Ah, don’t even mention it. These friggin’ natives are as stupid as dogs! I taught them the Three-Character Classic with great difficulty, but I didn’t even have time to turn my head when they had forgotten everything.

No matter how much I whip their palms or beat them after hanging them up, it’s all useless.

Up until now, their pronunciation is still subpar, and they often memorize things in the wrong order. After almost two months, they often change the first sentence of the Three-Character Classic into: Man at birth must grind soya beans into bean curd! 1 Grind their sister! I didn’t even teach them this crap!" Palace Master Seven Lives Talisman was about to collapse.

Just as he sent this message, a new ID popped out in the Nine Provinces Number One Group.

The name of this account was ‘I’m stupid Yellow Mountain’s master, Little Doudou’ and it sent the following message: "Woof, woof! Seven Lives, I can’t look the other way after that sentence of yours! Who did you just say that was as stupid as a dog? I’m gonna bite you! Woof, woof!"

Palace Master Seven Lives Talisman: "..."

I’m stupid Yellow Mountain’s master, Little Doudou: "Woof, woof! Immediately apologize to me and all the other monster dogs of the world. Otherwise, I’ll bite you to death!"

Palace Master Seven Lives Talisman: " @True Monarch Yellow Mountain , Your pet just appeared."

True Monarch Yellow Mountain quickly appeared only to send a row of ellipses: "..."

Palace Master Seven Lives Talisman: "Look at Doudou’s name."

True Monarch Yellow Mountain: "..."

Northern River’s Loose Cultivator: " @Stressed by a Mountain of Books , Isn’t Doudou there with you? ?"

Thrice Reckless Mad Saber: "Look at Doudou’s nickname ? But when did Doudou turn into stupid Yellow Mountain’s master?"

Northern River’s Loose Cultivator: "...Fellow Daoist Thrice Reckless, farewell ?"

Thrice Reckless Mad Saber: "?"

Thrice Reckless Mad Saber: "?, I directly quoted Doudou’s nick, it was a mistake!"

System notification: [Thrice Reckless Mad Saber deleted a message]

Thrice Reckless swiftly moved his fingers and deleted his first message.

Moreover, he also wrote, "Senior Yellow Mountain, you also saw that I didn’t do it on purpose. Since it was unintentional and I quickly deleted it, can you forgive me this one time? ?"

"Hehe." True Monarch Yellow Mountain said, "Too late."

[System Notification: Thrice Reckless Mad Saber was muted by the founder of the group, True Monarch Yellow Mountain, for 1 hour.]

Although he said it was too late, in the end, he muted him only for one hour.

❄️❄️❄️

Venerable White turned his head and looked at the chat log. He nodded very satisfied and said, "The fellow daoists in the group are happily chatting. Very good."

"Happily?" Song Shuhang bitterly smiled. He felt that Senior Thrice Reckless was always courting death these days. Afterward, he added, "Senior, wait a moment. Can you lend me the computer for a bit?"

"Sure." Senior White got up from the chair.

Song Shuhang used Senior White account and wrote, "Doudou, where are you now?! Quickly come back with the small monk!!!"

I’m stupid Yellow Mountain’s master, Little Doudou: "?, I almost scattered my dog poop everywhere. I thought that it was a mad Senior White, but it was unexpectedly Shuhang with Senior White’s account. Anyway, Shuhang… you’re still too young and naive. Come and catch me if you have the balls!"

Next, I’m stupid Yellow Mountain’s master, Little Doudou also added, "Senior Brother Song, I’m Guoguo. If you don’t spank me till making me shit all over the place, I might consider returning a bit earlier! But you must swear it in front of all the seniors in the group."

Song Shuhang clenched his teeth in anger. "Hehehe, you two are really birds of a feather flock together!"

I’m stupid Yellow Mountain’s master, Little Doudou: "Catch me! Catch me! You’ll have to do it like stupid Yellow Mountain; catch me if you want me to return!"

Wandering Monk Profound Principle: "..."

Wandering Monk Profound Principle: "??"

Wandering Monk Profound Principle quietly went offline.

In a faraway place, after seeing these two emoji sent by Great Master Profound Principle, the small monk Guoguo was scared to death—he forgot that his teacher was also in the group. What should I do now? Let alone Senior Brother Shuhang, now even teacher wants to spank me till making me shit and piss all over the place!

True Monarch Yellow Mountain: "Little Friend Shuhang, I’ll send someone to bring back Doudou and the small monk Guoguo. That’s all for now."

Then, True Monarch Yellow Mountain used his powers as founder to change Doudou’s username.

Afterward, True Monarch displayed his muting technique.

[System Notification: ‘I’m Mr. Yellow Mountain’s loyal dog, Little Doudou’ was muted by the founder of the group, True Monarch Yellow Mountain, for 1 day.]

"..." Song Shuhang.

It seems that True Monarch Yellow Mountain played a major role in turning Doudou into such a silly and amusing dog...

This commotion Doudou had given rise to ended with him and Thrice Reckless Mad Saber getting muted. While the small monk received a set of scary emoji from his teacher, Great Master Profound Principle.

❄️❄️❄️

Palace Master Seven Lives Talisman: "Let’s not forget the main issue. Doudou caused our conversation to get sidetracked. Now! Who can send me via mail a professor of Chinese language?! It’s very urgent! I really don’t know what to do with these natives. If this continues, I’m afraid I’ll start a massacre! The sword in my hand is trembling; I’m already at my limit!"

Song Shuhang quickly wrote using Venerable White’s account, "Friendly reminder, you can’t send people via mail. A Chinese language professor is not an object but a person! If you send them via mail… they might die!"

"Such details are unimportant at this time! If you want, you can send a professor of Chinese language by plane! Just help me solve this goddamn problem! Aaaaaaah!!!" It seemed that those natives had pushed Palace Master Seven Lives Talisman to his limits.

Dharma King Creation: "Who has a school-related business here and can send a teacher over there? If I’m not mistaken, there is a fellow daoist with such a business, his name should be... Drunken Sun? This fellow daoist practices a strange cultivation technique, and I can’t properly remember his name. Anyway, this person should have control over a big school-related business. From primary school, junior middle school... to university!"

"..." Scholar Drunken Moon quietly appeared after being summoned.

Scholar Drunken Moon was depressed. The cultivation technique he was practicing was very special, and unless he reached the Eighth Stage Profound Sage, showing his divinity in front of the masses, the fellow daoists inside the group would keep forgetting about him.

Unknowingly, he had become the number one ghost member of the Nine Provinces Number One Group.

No matter how much he tried to show his presence, no matter how much he commented on the material in the group space, no matter how much he flooded, his fellow daoists would often forget about his existence.

Although he knew it was due to this special cultivation technique he was practicing, Scholar Drunken Moon was still depressed...

Scholar Drunken Moon: "It’s regrettable that I wasn’t able to leave a deep enough impression on my fellow daoists, making you forget my dao name. Anyway, I have indeed a school-related business, but it’s summer vacation now. I’ll help fellow daoist Seven Lives get in touch with a few people. If the pay is high enough, a professor of Chinese language might be willing to go abroad on a small island and teach Chinese to the natives… however, I make no promises!"

"Fellow Daoist Drunken Sun, thank you very much!" Palace Master Seven Lives Talisman was moved to tears. "I’ll never forget this kindness ?"

Scholar Drunken Moon, "Fellow Daoist Seven Lives, it’s Drunken Moon, Drunken Moon! Ah… you can forget this kindness if you want, just remember my dao name!"

Palace Master Seven Lives Talisman: "?"

Song Shuhang thought a bit and wrote with Senior White’s account, "Senior Seven Lives, did you try using ‘pinyin’ to teach the natives? Maybe if you use pinyin, they’ll remember things a bit easily."

"Pinyin… I actually forgot about it. Hahaha... ?" Palace Master Seven Lives Talisman made a hollow laugh—after all, when he studied Chinese, they only used things such as the Three-Character Classic to teach people.

Song Shuhang felt sad for those poor natives that were hung, beaten, and had their palms whipped...