Conquering His Cold Heart

350 Acceptance of Fate

At first, Anastasia herself was surprised when the thought of her death came so easily to her mind. ‘Has my soul accepted my irrefutable fate again?’

There was a time when she was hopeful that there was some method, secret to the vampires, which Caspian could use to heal all of her ailments and fatal condition. However, after spending so much time with him, she was now almost sure that even Caspian wouldn’t be able to save her.

After all, she was even thinking of taking medicines to prevent accidental conception because she was beginning to think that death would come to her before she could deliver the child.

Anastasia couldn’t stop her tears from rolling down her face as if they were monsoon rain.

Her heart ached even bitterly when she imagined Caspian’s life without her existence.

She covered her face with her palm and groaned in pain, “He will be devastated!”

She cried while trying her best not to make any sound. And she began cursing herself. ‘Why did I ever make him open his heart to me? I shouldn’t have played with his emotions at all! I shouldn’t have come here at all!’

Anastasia grabbed a bunch of her hair and pulled them as a way of punishing herself. She didn’t know what suddenly came into her. Maybe it was the guilt. Maybe it was the hatred that she had toward her own weak body.

Whatever it was, it was suffocating her mind, her heart, and her soul. The uncomfortable feelings in her heart became even more unbearable after she imagined Caspian turning into a real monster after her death – the very monster that people thought he was.

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Anastasia wryly laughed at herself and her selfishness. ‘Why did I ever walk into his life, gave him hope, showed him my love… only to snatch it all away from him… Why?’

She felt like a pathetic woman who was the villain in everyone’s lives. What had she ever done for the people around her? Except ruining everyone’s lives and snatching their happiness.

Her cursed existence alone was already a curse to her family back in Orsenia. All she ever made them do was worry about her perpetually.

And now, she was going to do the same to Caspian as well.

She pulled her hair even harder when she mumbled under her breath, “And Caspian is an Immortal King… I not just ruined his eternal life, but I also doomed all the citizens of Sorvando to face his wrath. Who knows what he will do if anyone ever made him cross.”

Anastasia suddenly gasped in fear when another horrible possibility crossed her mind. ‘What if my death pushes him into a grief so unbearable that he decides to sleep forever?’

The thought of Caspian turning into nothing but an ashy skeleton-like being scared her to the core. ‘Why did I commit such a great sin? I shouldn’t have marched into his heart when my ending was already near. I should have just…’

She slapped herself on the cheek so hard that the sound resounded throughout the room.

‘I should have just stayed back in Orsenia and waited for my death.’ She gritted her teeth and slapped herself again on the other cheek. ‘But no… I had to commit a sin before dying and secure my seat in hell.’

She slowly lifted her head to look at the ancient painting that was hanging above the fireplace. She looked at young Caspian’s face. He looked really happy there. She then gazed at the other two people in the painting – Caspian’s brother and his mother.

Her stomach started to churn even more badly. ‘They all left him alone. And now I am going to do the same…’

Anastasia lifted her palms and aggressively wiped her eyes and nose. She then looked up at the ceiling and sighed deeply, almost as if the mad entity that had possessed her just a while ago had now left her body.

She looked at the painting of Caspian again and thought, ‘After I die, I should make sure that Caspian won’t turn into a vicious monster. And I don’t want him to give up his will to live too. What should I do to make sure that it doesn’t happen? Should I finally let Caspian in on the truth that I have been keeping from him?’

Before Anastasia could rack her mind and come up with some solution, she heard Martha knocking on the door.

“Come in,” she said while trying to sound as normal as she could.

And before Martha could see her in that terrible state, she lowered her head so that the backrest of the sofa would hide her completely from Martha’s view.

As Anastasia wished, Martha walked straight towards the bathroom.

After making sure that Martha was now in the bathroom, Anastasia lifted her head again and wiped her face with her palm. She cleared her throat and fanned her face before following Martha to the bathroom.

Martha was busy pouring the water into the bathtub that was already half filled with cold water.

Anastasia turned her back on Martha and then softly said, “Help me undress.”

Martha was startled a little as she didn’t even hear the Queen walking inside the bathroom. “Yes, Your Majesty,” she replied quickly and put the bucket down on the floor.

She then helped Queen to get out of her gown.

Anastasia took a deep breath in. Taking the tight bodice off was always a relief for her chest.

And as soon as Anastasia was left only in her sheer undergarment, Martha stepped aside as she was aware that the Queen preferred not to be completely naked in her bath.

However, Anastasia quickly dropped her linen chemise on the floor before walking toward the bathtub without turning her face at Martha.

Deep down, Anastasia felt as though her ‘sin’ would be cleansed if she took a bath. At least, she convinced herself to think that way for the time being.

After stepping inside the tub, she took a deep breath and completely submerged herself in the tub.

“Umm…” Martha frowned as she wasn’t sure if she was supposed to help the Queen to get up or if would get out of the water on her own very soon. “My Queen?” she called Anastasia, hoping that the Queen would get up on her own.

Martha waited for a few seconds. With every second that passed, Martha’s heartbeat also started to rise.

‘I think I should pull her up,’ she thought to herself and leaned down to grab Anastasia’s hand.

However, Anastasia broke free from her clutch and waved her hand, gesturing for Martha to not interfere.

At first, Anastasia just wanted to take a dip in the water and then start scrubbing off the ‘sin’ from her. But when she stayed down in the water for a while, the noises in her head that had been suffocating her slowly began to settle down.

She was unaware that it was settling down because she was slowly beginning to lose consciousness because of a lack of air.

Martha was now afraid that the Queen would end up harming herself on her watch. ‘Please…’ she restlessly hoped that the Queen would get out of the water, sooner than later.

But she was terrified when little bubbles started to rise to the surface of the bathtub.

“My Queen!” Martha screamed at the top of her lungs and grabbed Anastasia by her shoulders.