Classless Ascension

*Warning: Extremely shitty chapter—read at your own risk! ;)*

****

When the doors of the elevator opened, Josh couldn't believe his eyes. There was a small entry hall with two wooden doors at the end. In front was a peculiar monkey standing guard, and it slowly nodded at him looking wise.

What stood out the most was the monkey's outfit. It was wearing a long black leather coat and oversized reflective shades that would have doomed any poker player.

"Welcome to the Tower, young one. I am its keeper, and I have been expecting you." The creature's voice sounded pleasant and soothing while carrying hints of mystery.

"Of course you have." Josh pointed to the screen tracking the elevator's progress. It kind of ruined the mystical aspect of it. The monkey coughed embarrassedly for a second and then went back to assuming the appearance of a supreme expert.

"Are you ready to challenge the Tower? Just know that—" The monkey began.

"Yep, I'm ready!" Josh couldn't wait to get started.

"You seem to be underestimating the deadliness of it all for—"

"Oh wise monkey, do you have any tip for me then?" Josh humored him.

"I am not allowed to give any tips, only obscure warnings that actually won't be relevant in any manner." He shook his head, casually explaining.

What was the point of such a thing?! Still, this was probably the most candid guide Josh had ever seen. An NPC was telling him not to expect too much from an NPC. Wow!

"Alright, let me guess. I need to choose a door, right?" Josh asked while expecting the usual 'door leading to Heaven and door leading to Hell' riddle.

"Forget about that. I have another problem for you. Here, look at this." The monkey took something out of his large coat pockets. He was now holding two huge pieces of shit….why?!

That's when they began changing color. He was holding a blue shit in his left hand, and in his right, a red shit. What kind of mission was this?! The monkey slowly showcased both.

"Right here and now, you will have a choice to make. It will affect what you find on the other side of these doors. The blue shit tastes more delicious than what the human mind can fathom. The red shit tastes like shit but is in fact chocolate. You have to eat one!"

Josh couldn't help but be taken aback. Why was he supposed to do that? He curiously approached the doors, and both were locked.

"You will have to eat one before you leave. This is the rule here." The monkey was adamant and didn't seem to be lying either.

Josh nodded resolutely, approached the creature, picked the actual blue shit, and ate it without an ounce of hesitation. As soon as he did, an explosion of sweetness invaded his mouth. It was indeed a delicacy! He closed his eyes in satisfaction as he enjoyed the savoriness.

The monkey stared at him while shaking his head: "You've failed to see the true purpose of this test. A shame, what a shame."

But Josh didn't cower in the least. "I believe you're the one that has missed it instead." The monkey was taken aback, not expecting anyone to contest his decision.

"Tell me what you have understood then. We shall see." The monkey had his arms crossed, showing slight hints of exasperation.

"This is a classical problem of whether one can handle the sad reality of life. One can also lie to themselves and pick the sugar-coated option, even if they know it's bad for them—" Josh began.

"Then why did you pick the chocolate-flavored shit?!" The monkey exclaimed, bewildered. His expression was hilarious.

"I wasn't done. You are assuming the blue shit is bad for two reasons: 1- It's bad for the health 2- It's disgusting. Is that about right?"

The monkey nodded.

"I have the gluttony bloodline, even making me immune to some poisons. No way eating this will make me sick, none at all!" Josh said with conviction.

"But what about the fact that you're eating shit?! It's shameful! Is temporary pleasure worth the eternal disgrace?!" The monkey frowned as he said that.

"Eternal disgrace? Some things are more disgraceful to eat than shit, to be honest. For instance, one could argue that human flesh is, and I've already ticked that box. There will only be shame if I let it weigh me down." Josh serenely declared.

"W-what?!" The monkey recoiled in shock. How was the man so calm while confessing something so crazy?!

"Anyway, I believe there is no right or wrong answer here. The real test should be about remaining steady in one's decision, right? So what if I prefer the dream in this case? The taste may be illusory, but the happiness it brought me is real."

Josh had used the very same words that were painted in the elevator. He didn't care whether this was the expected answer or not. He was also convinced there was no better one than this.

The monkey seemed pensive for a second. "Is there any scenario in which you would have taken the truth over the lie?" The monkey inquired.

"If it involved HER." Josh slowly whispered with melancholy. He was looking upward as if searching his memory. "I want her back for real, not a shadow, not a memory. I want the real her."

The monkey understood. This had already been a problem with no right or wrong answer, but the man clearly knew what he wanted and had seen through the illusion. He nodded in approval and waved his hand.

With a crisp creaking sound, the doors unlocked and opened by themselves. In each doorframe, there was light glowing, and it made peering inside impossible. This seemed way too holy for a test that had included eating shit!

"Do you have any door to recommend?" Josh inquired.

"It's all the same." The monkey chuckled.

It was all the same, and yet it would change depending on one's choice? Ah, perhaps it wasn't the upcoming test that would change, but how one perceived it instead. It seemed like his system friend was still trying to understand humans by all means.

Josh waved goodbye before going toward the light, his hands shaking in excitement. He would be the first-ever to challenge this! What would he face now?

Apparently, a fucking zoo!...

Creator's Thought

When you reach rock bottom, there is no such thing as disgust or shame. All that remains is either a lifeless moving husk only driven by dark emotions. For me it was revenge. When you've known this, human common sense seems so flimsy and ridiculous in comparison. I ate delicious shit and I'd do it again, why not?