A Wish to Grab Happiness

Volume 4, Chapter 84: New Worries

「I see. So that little rat is hiding in that Tower, huh?」

Inside the living room. Matia suddenly took a deep breath in front of Caria, who muttered with her eyes down.

Caria shook her silvery hair slightly. Matia thought that Caria would try to invade the Tower to get him out of there once Matia told her of his whereabouts. Still, it was just Matia’s hypothesis of Lugis’ location. At least, what her intuition told her.

「Yes. Well, it’s just my assumption. So, we mustn’t be hasty.」

At first, Matia thought that it was just mere suspicions and nothing else. She probably thought that the best option was to keep her suspicions sealed inside of her brain and forget them. After all, she couldn’t be certain that he was in fact in the Tower. Yet, these suspicions kept bugging her. Of all the speculations she had about Lugis’ whereabouts, the Tower was the most plausible place where he could be.

However, that suspicion was an unmistakable torment in her brain.

Of course, Matia thought that omitting her doubts would be a far better option. However, she questioned herself when she thought deeply about it. “Why should I keep that man Lugis’ whereabouts a secret from Caria and Filaret?”

A part of Matia’s heart told her that she had to inform them about her suspicions. On the other hand, something puzzled her. If Lugis was indeed inside of the Tower, why didn’t he contact them? No signal at all? Matia couldn’t understand people sometimes, and that infuriated her.

In fact, a wave of emotions, which included anger, became a mixture inside of her chest. That’s why she couldn’t hold back anymore. Matia opened her mouth to spit it out then.

Besides, if Matia didn’t tell this information to Filaret and left her alone, she could lose more and more of the remaining life in her. She looked exhausted for waiting patiently for Lugis. After professing this information, Matia shifted her line of sight to Filaret.

「Is that so? I am glad he is safe. Ah, hmm…I see, he is together with the Princess.」

For a moment, Filaret smiled earnestly. Then, she began to make a complex expression on her face.

What a complexity. Her face had a mixture of emotions, such as relief, resentment, and frustration. Every single emotion combined with one another, and they clashed altogether. How could Matia describe such complexion in the first place? Unexpectedly, Matia’s lips tightened up.

「…I understand. Okay, I’m going to bed now. No one would have to suffer this much if he had contacted us before. Soon you will learn this, Lugis!」

Filaret continued to talk. However, these words were different from the words she professed before. It seemed that the emptiness got removed from her heart. It looked like her spirit finally came back to life.

Her facial expression was distorted in a complicated way. Despite being relieved about the news of Lugis’ supposed safety, Filaret still suffered from drowsiness as symbolized by the dark circles under her eyes. Her body was clearly exhausted and weak. Matia nodded positively upon hearing her words. Filaret finally deserved to take a rest.

「Listen, Sorceress. If something happens while you are in your bed, I will drag you out of your peaceful sleep by force.」

Caria spoke with pressed cheeks. Her tone was somewhat harsh. However, even after hearing Caria’s cold words, Filaret had somehow regained their calmness. Matia thought, “If Filaret wanted to get rid of her unpleasant mood that quickly, why she didn’t control her feelings a little bit more?”

Caria swayed her long sword at her waist. While Matia’s emotions kept burning inside of her heart.

「Good. Do as you please, yes. 」

Filaret spoke in a dignified way. Her tone made it seem as if she had some conviction. She finally got a clear mind, and understood everything that was spoken in the living room.

「The fact that Lugis is doing an unseen but risky job means that he’s already decided on what he wants to do…At the very end, he continues to strive for his name even in the most dangerous moments.」

After saying those words, Filaret said that she was going to rest. She left both of them in the living room and climbed the stairs to the second floor.

Hearing Filaret’s words, Caria swallowed dry. Then, she smirked as if a mocking wind passed through somewhere in her mind.

「Oh really. Well, she’s right. Sometimes, I believe that he thinks that his duty is to put himself in a predicament. He tries to aim high sometimes, but that’s not the behavior of someone with merit. Geez, I’ll have to teach him a lesson next time.」

The words of these two women strangely stepped into Matia’s chest.

Certainly, they were right about Lugis’ behavior. Matia witnessed that behavior in Garoua Maria and here in Ghazalia. He jumped out into dangerous situations without hesitation. This rash behavior often led him to increase the wounds in his body.

“Was that the kind of a self-sacrificing spirit?” That was something that Matia couldn’t understand. Rather, it seemed that he preferred that type of life. For him, it was his correct way of life.

Matia thought for a short while. She wanted to understand that rash behavior. Perhaps, Lugis wanted to dedicate himself to the majority of other people and save them instead of himself. Matia had an idea of what was possible engraved in his chest. However, in his case, rather than that, she got the impression that he was in a hurry. Not only dedication per se. He wanted to accomplish something quickly somewhere else, but not here.

That’s why she couldn’t praise his self-sacrifice.

“…No, wait a moment.”

Matia unintentionally pushed back the strange feelings that emerged in herself. Why not praise his self-sacrifice? If Lugis jumped into this dangerous place by himself and managed to grasp the victory of the Heraldic Order on his expense, wouldn’t that be great? That scenario would be the happiest for the Heraldic Order.

In fact, the Heraldic Order, including Matia, would rejoice greatly at his sacrifice. He would be honored for his achievements even in death, and this name would prosper significantly. The process to achieve it and the feelings involved were irrelevant. What mattered was the result.

However, Matia wondered. “Why do I have mixed feelings about his rash behavior?”

Matia’s eyebrows distorted by the unknown emotions that consumed her alive.

「…Why is that person putting himself in a predicament? 」

Matia’s lips tried to speak different words than the ones that inflicted her heart. She was curious, but she didn’t want to raise any suspicions. Therefore, she tried to ask a subtle question to mislead the emotions that were born in herself. The silver-haired woman shook her hair as she responded to her question.

「Because he is weak. 」

It was a clear and direct statement. Yet, that statement was rather surprising for Matia.

Matia understood well that Caria was a person who lived according to the theory of the strong men. Nevertheless, did that mean that a weak human being was someone who was devoted to other people’s feelings rather than himself?

While Matia was wondering about it as she rounded her eyes, Caria smiled amusingly.

「Have you not seen him quite enough? He is inherently weak and dangerous. That’s why he puts himself in difficult positions. He wants to reach status of strong men. As if he aspires to be a hero himself. Well, if you ask me, he still has long ways to go in order to achieve that.」

Despite criticizing Lugis’ behavior, Caria was strangely proud of him. Her attitude was odd actually. She said he was weak, but at the same time, she praised her possession.

「…But, he also as a strength that is born from that weakness. I think that part of him is admirable. And yet, I don’t know why I feel that way. I always thought my whole life that unwavering strength was incompatible with weakness.」

It was the first time Matia saw Caria speaking like this. Caria’s words were strangely gentle and compassionate. Matia thought she knew her actions, which could be described as harsh and ferocious. Yet, right now, her appearance looked a little unbelievable.

When her white cheeks turned slightly red, Caria’s silvery eyes looked sharply at Matia. Matia’s shoulders swayed a little.

「I wonder why you make me talk like this. Hey you. What are you trying to find about him?」

“Trying to find about him?” Unexpectedly, Matia repeated those words with her lips. It’s not that she didn’t understand those words, she just didn’t understand the meaning behind them.

“I’m just trying to know where Lugis is aiming at. Where is the “somewhere else” in his journey”?

Why was Matia thinking about this? She was never interested in such a story before. She never held these thoughts in her chest before. Then, how? That’s right. Something was worrying her, and yet, she wasn’t quite sure of it. What must it be?

When Matia sharpened her lips, Caria suddenly squirted her eyes and smiled.

「If you are just curious about him, then I don’t care. But, I must warn you that neither me nor that Sorceress have changed the root of our hearts…If you show your fangs late, then there won’t be any piece of meat left for you, are you hearing me?」

Of course, she did not intend to finish a conversation without any ironic remarks. After saying those words, Caria showed her back and headed for the door. Perhaps, she wanted to rest as well.

“What was she talking about?” Matia bit her lips while gazing at her back.

“I have nothing to do with him. If I had to describe our relationship, then I’d say that he is just my collaborator. That’s all. I had no other feelings, except maybe some resentment for him.”

It was very unlikely that she felt other feelings. There was no way that she would overlook her heart.

Of course, she clearly understood and evaluated the grip of power that Lugis may be pulling from behind the scenes. This time, he was pulling his schemes on the Elf Princess. This movement of power could be called a distortion. He was there, and at the same time, he wasn’t since nobody knew he was helping her. However, that meant that he could help the Heraldic Order in a sense, but at the same time, risking his life for it. Was it necessary for him to go to such lengths? Matia never really appreciated this personality trait. For her, rationality and strategy were the keys to success. Yet, his rash personality upset her for unknown reasons.

Yes, she never appreciated him. Matia repeated this in her chest many times over.

Matia seemed to feel a new source of worry in her head. However, this time, Caria or Filaret didn’t create this distress.

An unmistakable person in green clothes. These worries were born because of Lugis.