Florida Man's General Store in Cultivation World-Novel



Chapter 188 – Drunk Florida Man Wrestled with Stray Cat Using WWE Moves, Discovered Cat Was Actually Adult Man Cosplaying as Tiger, Got RKOed and Sent Home.

Hua Jiashan and Dongfang Mei rushed to the store. As soon as they arrived, they sent mental messages to everybody in the area.

"We're under attack! Elders, bring your weapons! Disciples, gather and hide in the main building!"

All workers froze when they heard the unexpected news. Male young disciples left the farms and their vans, sprinting toward the main store building. The girls also relayed the messages to the thunder unicorns and nightmares, telling them about the incoming crisis.

Taxi and Ricardo moved. The former gathered 50 9th-stage thunder unicorns around the store to protect the youngsters. On the other hand, Ricardo and his nightmare platoon took flight, floating in mid-air and getting ready for combat.

Dongfang Mei reverted to her usual appearance so that her people could recognize her. As she had left behind her favorite wheelchair at the Life Sword Sect's courtyard, Dongfang Mei straightened her back and endured the back pain, flying toward the main store building to meet Xu Nuan and others.

Hua Jiashan also searched for Wu Buyi, Han Hao, Han Meng, and Tiger Swordsman to get them ready.

The swordsmen trio reacted as Hua Jiashan had expected. They brought their new weapons along and met up with Hua Jiashan in the sky.

"Sect master? What happened?" Asked Han Hao.

"Demon cultivators! They attacked Magpie City just now."

"WHAT?!"

The trio was shocked. Their small city had never been attacked seriously as there was nothing for invaders to gain except their small sect's treasures. Even Death Sword Sect, which always bullied and humiliated them, never really tried to take over the city.

Han Hao, Han Meng, and Tiger Swordsman hesitated for a moment. But when they gazed at Hua Jiashan's black suit, they started laughing.

"What? Why are you laughing?"

"Sect master, you see." Han Hao smacked the back of Han Meng's head to stop him from laughing. He explained. "You forgot that Lord Florida Man's cloth armor can't be destroyed by anybody under the immortal rank, right?"

"Huh?" Hua Jiashan frowned. Then, he remembered that he got hit by a flame wheel earlier, and he came out unharmed.

Han Hao pointed at their clothes, which looked the same as Hua Jiashan's black suit. Then, he pointed at everybody around him.

"Look, sect master. We all are wearing the same uniform, including our disciples. I don't think we are in danger."

"But what if we get hit in the head?"

"Well, if they're that accurate, we're dead."

"See? We shouldn't get cocky because we have invincible cloth armor!"

Although Hua Jiashan's words made sense, Han Hao and others seemed relaxed. They brought out their guns.

"But we have these, right?" Han Meng brightly grinned.

"We can just keep our distance and shoot them from far away, sect master." Tiger Swordsman suggested.

"…"

Hua Jiashan thought back to his previous fight against the mutants. Then, he realized that he was never in danger. Realizing how panicked he was, Hua Jiashan smacked his forehead.

"I guess I'm old."

Han Hao laughed and patted Hua Jiashan's shoulder, "Relax, sect master. Have you forgotten how many strong backers Lord Florida has? Look around carefully. We have fifty 9th-stage thunder unicorns, fifty 9th-stage nightmares, an 8th-stage plant monster pet, and four immortal friends of Lord Florida Man. This doesn't include the lord's stone guardians on the flying island. If push comes to shove, we won't lose."

"…"

Hua Jiashan closed his mouth and nodded. Nothing sounded more assuring than having good protection gears and weapons.

"Say," Hua Jiashan counted the heads of his former subordinates. He didn't see Wu Buyi around. "Where's that greedy alchemist?"

Han Hao shrugged, "In his house looking at Lord Florida's artifact, I think?"

"…"

Everybody gave up on Wu Buyi as he changed a lot after getting his hands on a smartphone. Then, Hua Jiashan searched for Esen and her crew.

"Where's Lady Esen?"

Han Meng shrugged. He pointed at the white tree. "Over there, maybe. They're experimenting with something."

"Alright. I'll go find her."

Hua Jiashan ordered the trio to patrol the domain along with the nightmare platoon. He visited Esen next.

.

White Tree Array

Surrounding the white tree array was a group of lava badgers. They were already 4 feet tall, and they had evolved one more time.

In their mouths, they chewed sweet dream mushrooms that Esen plucked for them. Strangely, they weren't affected by the zombification poisoning. Instead, they grew larger.

After eating mushrooms for hours, these tamed pets became 5th-stage monsters. They were already stronger than Han Hao, Han Meng, Tiger Swordsman, and Wu Buyi.

Xu Nuan gazed at the badgers in astonishment. She wondered where these guys came from. On the other hand, Esen shook her head in disappointment.

"In the end, they avoid the true death mushrooms."

The badgers refused to eat true death mushrooms as if they knew what their effects were. They also kept their distance from the white tree when Esen allowed them to go inside the array.

The feast time was over. At the moment, these creatures simply ran and played like innocent children.

While everybody observed the little monsters, Hua Jiashan flew toward Esen. He landed behind her and cupped his fist.

"Lady Esen, there have been changes at Magpie City. We need your help."

Without looking back, Esen snorted, "I heard you. That city is being attacked, right?"

"Yes. Could you help us if our domain is under attack next?"

"If that happens, I'll be the first one to lead the troops… If that really happens."

"???"

Hua Jiashan raised his eyebrows, confused, "What do you mean?"

Esen rolled her eyes. She turned around and stared into his eyes.

"Look here, mister dense-dumb-dork. When you retreated from that city, is there any pursuer?"

"Erm… no."

"Right. You drove them away, right?"

"Err…yes."

"From the very beginning, you have the power to drive away intruders. Are those weapons that you got from Florida Man for show?"

"O-Of course not. They were very useful!"

Esen snorted. She turned around and patted the head of the clinging badger. Then, she advised him.

"Instead of worrying about this place, you should bring troops to Magpie City to help the commoners. Also, arrange another unit to scout the perimeter around this place. Use those ponies. They have been eating and sleeping all day."

"Y-You're right. I'll be going."

Hua Jiashan was ashamed. He was too panicked, and he didn't think this through. After bidding farewell, Hua Jiashan went to pick up 20 thunder unicorns and Taxi so that they could visit Magpie City.

After Hua Jiashan left, Esen glanced at Ivy.

"It's probably time for us to resurrect our former comrades. That geezers have most of our people's bones, so we can't do anything about them. But we have collected some armor and weapons of the royal guards. We should be able to awaken their souls."

Ivy bowed without saying anything. She vanished, heading back to the battle bus to pick up the collected bones and artifacts that they had stored inside.

Esen turned to Beatrice next.

"Beatrice, you go back to our former home. There should be Immortalium steel remaining inside that cave. Go collect them and bring them over. We can refine them into new weapons for our units."

Beatrice quietly bowed. She, too, vanished, rushing toward the Frozen Fire City, where the Gorr Tribe had taken over.

Esen turned to Marc next. The Dullahan boy clenched his fists, waiting for an instruction.

"As for you, Marc…"

Esen paused and frowned.

"Y-Yes, master?"

"Go fetch me tea of rejuvenation and some golden sand bananas from the granary. I'm hungry."

"…"

Marc was dejected. He hunched his shoulders while he walked to the local granary to fetch food for her master.

After sending Marc off, Esen pursed her lips and deeply sighed. She scanned the domain, searching for Leo's whereabouts.

Unfortunately, she couldn't find him anywhere.

"Where the hell does that geezer go?!"

.

.

Morning, Fate Stadium

Leo finished drying his pants and underwear. He put his clothes on and opened the curtains of his room.

The scenery was the same. The power was down, and his system's teleportation feature was disabled. None of the street lights was on. Only the artificial light balls, created by the local residents, illuminated the city.

Leo grumbled in a bad mood. He was still ashamed that he had wet his pants because of a stupid vivid dream. He exited his hotel room and walked to the stadium to kill time.

While walking back to the stadium, he encountered the werewolf group again. As usual, they still gathered in front of their tribe's locker room.

Leo sneered at them. Then, he walked away as he had no business with these mutts.

After coming back to the stadium, Leo discovered that a match was in progress. Another Fenrir immortal contested against a giant orange cat-octopus.

It was a match between a Cathulhu and a Fenrir. It was literally a dog versus cat match.

Leo frowned as he found this unfair. His match was canceled, but the stadium allowed them to fight. He stomped toward the nearby staff to complain.

"Hey! My match was canceled yesterday, but how come these guys can fight when the power is down?"

The staff was a furry rabbit woman. She politely bowed to Leo and explained, "Our deepest apology, sir. Your match yesterday was a life-and-death one, so we need all technical teams to monitor and record your match. However, the current match over there is a friendly sparring match between two private parties. Since no technical staff has to work, we allow them to play."

"…"

Leo was still mad, but he forgave them. He excused himself and observed the match.

The fight was weird as the catopus toyed with the dog. He slapped, tossed, and threw the werewolf around like a cat playing with an empty bottle cap.

The spectators burst into laughter. Most of them cheered for the cat.

Leo also smirked as he hated those racist werewolves. Still, he was curious how they managed to initiate the friendly match.

BOOM

While Leo was in deep thought, the giant catopus slapped the dog senselessly. The latter collapsed on the floor and stopped moving.

"WINNER! Nyan Meo!"

It ended in an anti-climactic fashion. Leo pursed his lips and inspected the cat-octopus monster.

The winner was from the Cathulhu race as expected. He seemed smaller than Miao Damao and his family when they were inside the VIP box. However, he emitted the aura of an immortal.

The cathulhu, Nyan Meo, bowed to everybody in the arena. When he was about to leave the stage, his eyes met with Leo's. He smiled and pointed one of his tentacles at the latter.

"You there, munya!"

Leo blinked twice. He pointed at himself.

"Who? Me?"

"Yes, you, munya! Wanna fight for fun, munya?"

Leo shrugged, "Sure. But I'm stronger than you, though. It won't be fair."

"Don't worry, munya! Even if you're a sage or an entity, your strength is meaningless when you face an elite cathulhu, munya!"

Leo wanted to laugh, but he couldn't. The guy's tone seemed disrespectful, but he reminded him of the cathulhu's overall strength and potential. After all, from the rumors, they seemed to be the only ones who could proactively provoke "Overlord Lucky" and his minions.

"Alright, stupid cat. Friendly match, right? Nobody can die, am I right?"

"Yes, munya! Come here! Let's go, munya! Let me humble you!"

"You cocky cat. You asked for it!"

Leo leaped from the spectator stand to the arena stage. As for the cat, he remained in his place, taunting Leo by wiggling his tentacles around.

The staff on the stage improvised on the spot. He used his voice amplification technique instead of microphones, announcing the next friendly spar match.

"Next! We have the rising star player FLORIDA MAN versus the veteran of the DOGE-CAT War, the War God himself, NYAN MEO!"

"Huh?"

Leo raised his eyebrows as he doubted his ears. He looked at the cathulhu and asked the guy.

"You? A war god?"

"Surprise, mother-dogger, munya! Do you think I'm a weak immortal? You've been tricked, munya!"

Nyan Meo's grin widened. He released his rainbow aura, which was similar to Leo's. Also, black sparks came out from his orifices.

Those were black tribulation thunderbolts that Leo also had!

"Ready your butt cheeks, munya! I'm gonna clap you so hard that you will moan from pleasure, munya!"

"…"

The cathulhu didn't wait for the match signal. As the stadium had no power to restrain them, he made the first move.

A 50-meter-long and 5-meter-thick tentacle came from above, attempting to squash Leo to meatpaste.

BOOM

The cathulhu hit the stadium floor. But he didn't sense the feedback of squishing Leo to death.

BOOM

A sharp and painful impact hit Nyan Meo's round face. Leo's leather shoe found its way to the cathulhu's head and sent it to the other end of the stadium.

Then, he stopped moving.

"Huh?"

Leo frowned as he found the match disappointing. He thought that the cathulhu was a lot stronger than that.

"Match over! Winner, Florida Man!"

"…"

Leo scratched his head in confusion. He opened his palms and protested the referee.

"Is that it?"

The referee waved his hand, gesturing for Leo to leave.

"Hurry and go before that cat wakes up. Otherwise, you'll be in trouble."

"How?" Leo still couldn't understand why the referee warned him that way.

He didn't need to think long. Nyan Meo slowly rose back to his feet. He stood up with his tentacles and patted his face.

"That hurts, munya. I thought I was sturdy, but your kick was even harder than Overlord Shuri's slap, munya!"

"Huh?"

"TIME FOR ROUND TWO, MUNYA! Let's get at it again, munya!"

The cathulhu charged at Leo. Before the latter could react, the cathulhu grabbed him with his tentacle and pressed him against the ground outside the stage arena.

The referee shrugged, "I've tried to warn you. In a friendly sparring match, nobody can die. Even if the system is down, none of you can be killed. Therefore, both parties can keep fighting until one of you is exhausted mentally and physically. Well, I guess it's too late. Good luck, Florida Man!"

Indeed, the warning came too late. Leo lifted the cathulhu's tentacle up and yelled at Nyan Meo.

"BEHAVE, DAMN CAT!"

"NYAHAHAHA, MUNYA!"

Leo then swung the cat around while he held the latter's tentacle. He slammed Nyan Meo left and right like a cartoon character. Unfortunately, he couldn't deal any damage to him.

The cathulhu's eyes spun as he was dizzy. But after a few seconds, he regained his senses and attacked Leo with his slaps. Again, Leo counter-punched and kicked the cat, pushing him away.

The battle lasted for six hours and nobody gave up. In the end, Nyan Meo got exhausted first and stopped fighting.

BLINK-BLINK

By the time Leo and Nyan Meo ended their match, the light returned to the arena. Then, they heard the long-awaiting announcement from the stadium host.

"We are sorry for the inconvenience. We have recovered the power, and the system is back online. We will make sure that nothing similar will happen again!"

Finally, Leo could return home. Without waiting for Nyan Cat to challenge him again, Leo opened his system menu and pressed the return button.

WHOOSH

Leo's body vanished from the Fate Stadium arena.

Nyan Meo pouted. He grumbled as he hadn't played enough yet.

"Lame, munya! I was having fun, munya!"

Leo didn't notice Nyan Meo's ranking in the life-and-death arena. He was in the top 10, and his stage name wasn't just Nyan Meo.

He was called "Overlord Nyan Meo". In addition, his real strength didn't belong in the mortal, immortal, or deity realm.