Florida Man's General Store in Cultivation World-Novel



Chapter 136 – Florida Man Arrested For Hiding A Thousand Underage Immigrants and One Dead Body in His Sweatshop.

At night, Leo's farm and his buildings were still bright as many cultivators graduated from sleeping. They cultivated in their rooms instead of resting. Night-shift farmers illuminated the farmland with their Qi by creating light balls. They never stopped harvesting crops as they had a quota to meet every day.

Tang Xuan hovered at the edge of the general store's domain. He gazed at the flying platform and the glass elevator. Then, he watched the young cultivators working as farmers.

He recognized some of the people there. A few of them used to work as a deacon of Life Sword Sect. However, they abandoned their sect to work here.

That was not all. Tang Xuan spotted Wu Buyi, Gao Yan, and many alchemists in front of the three alchemy workshops behind the general store building. They were busy observing the mannequins and taking notes.

In addition, Tang Xuan sensed the Qi signature of Hua Jiashan on top of the flying platform. Furthermore, the presence of the famous Amazonian Sanctuary, Dongfang Mei, was nearby.

The Tang Clan's ancestor was confused. The last time he visited here, this place was a small secluded place. But at the moment, it became a small town full of cultivators.

Tang Xuan frowned and glanced at several individuals. As he was an expert in measuring someone's character and talent, he noticed a few irregular people.

In front of a small house, next to Gao Yan's residence, a small child without an eyeball, a toddler, and a monster plant sat in a circle as they seemed to be listening to the eyeless girl.

In normal circumstances, Tang Xuan would have rushed there to rescue the two little girls from the monster. However, the trio's Qi and strength were abnormal.

The weakest one was the little toddler girl. Even though she looked like a 2 or 3-year-old child, her cultivation base was already at the nascent soul realm! Her dao avatar floated behind the child and smiled at her as if she were her elder sister or nanny.

As for the monster plant, Tang Xuan had seen it before. The chomper, aka Cat, was a 7th-stage monster whose body was made from sacred wood. Her humanoid dao avatar was always beside her, but the girl spirit seemed to have a mind of her own.

Although the two girls were strange enough, it was incomparable to the mysterious eyeless girl.

First, Tang Xuan couldn't see the usual aura that humans naturally produced. Every commoner and cultivator was born with a thin layer of grey aura, and it could change or evolve to other colors, depending on one's behavior and moral integrity.

However, the eyeless had no such thing! Rather, her presence was the same as a cold corpse!

Secondly, behind the girl, a thousand transparent spirits and transparent flame balls followed after her. They orbited around the group as if they formed an array, protecting everybody. Furthermore, the spirits of two beautiful maidens with long ears had been looking back at Tang Xuan.

And lastly, her body contained so much yin essence to the point that it was comparable to monster beasts of the immortal realms! Her dantian emitted a strong presence of an immortal. That alone told Tang Xuan that the eyeless girl was not a human or a regular cultivator but something otherworldly!

She was not someone Tang Xuan could offend!

Tang Xuan sweated profusely as the presence of Esen deterred him from approaching the domain. He secretly cursed Yan Xiang, the first prince, and the third prince for their vain pride and stupidity.

'Florida Man shouldn't be provoked. I was right. The Yan Empire will soon face this calamity the hard way because of their ignorance and stubbornness. They should have realized the severity of the situation when the third prince provoked him.'

There was no cure for stupidity. Tang Xuan could only pray that the innocent people in the Yan Empire wouldn't be implicated in the future conflict.

As the soon-to-be conflict had yet to happen, Tang Xuan planned to play his cards right to avoid the crossfire and stray bullets. He mustered his courage and flew toward the general store.

.

.

In front of Esen's designated house, the lich empress had fun teaching the two youngsters. She lectured them about the usefulness of yin Qi and yin essence and some general information about necromancy.

"We, girls, are born with natural yin Qi inside us. If we can nurture it for at least a hundred years. Those invisible Qi strings will automatically condense into yin essence, which many cultivators called it "Virgin Yin"."

Cat raised her vine and asked Esen.

"Nom-Nom Meow?"

Esen dropped her shoulders in disappointment, "No, Cat. Virgin Yin is not food. You can't eat it."

"No Nom-Nom Meow?"

"Ah, no nom-nom."

Cat was saddened and lowered her head.

Esen snickered and told her a piece of good news, "But since you're born from Florida Man's Virgin Yang, your constitution is different. You see, your physique can cultivate every type of elemental Qi. And because you are a plant species, your racial specialties lie in absorption abilities. You gain strength and Qi from the food you eat!"

Cat was overjoyed. Her pupils dilated, "Nom-Nom Meow-Meow?!"

"Yes. You can gain yin Qi, yang Qi, and many other types of Qi from your food. You just have to eat them when they are still fresh!"

Cat jumped around in excitement. She then looked around to see if she could eat anybody there. Then, she eyed the farmers in the field.

Esen silently brought out a paper fan, which she had extorted from Leo. She smacked Cat with it.

PA!

Cat screamed even though the impact did nothing to her. She lashed her sacred wood whips to retaliate.

Esen scoffed and caught the sacred wood whips with her fingers. Upon touch, it caused a sizzling sound as the sacred wood slightly burnt her skin.

The expression of the lich empress slightly changed as she didn't expect a 7th-stage monster to be strong enough to damage her skin. Esen smirked and praised Cat's owner.

"That geezer is really something. He has been feeding you good food, I see. Well, you should be able to do this much if you want to be my disciple."

Esen coated her yin essence on herself. The burnt skin was healed, and two purple flame eyeballs appeared in her eye sockets.

A thousand will-o-wisp spirits transformed into transparent paper fans. Following Esen's order, they smacked Cat's head to punish her for trying to do something stupid.

"MYA!"

Cat screamed and covered her head with her vines. She stopped retaliating and trembled as she realized that she was not Esen's opponent.

"Stupid plant! Your master's workers are not your food! You cannot eat them!"

"…Meow T_T"

"And don't copy those stupid donkey's way of speech! What's with the T T? Are you even speaking a human's language?"

"…Meow."

Esen deeply sighed. She jumped on Cat and patted her humanoid head to soothe her.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have teased you. Anyway, you can eat people to increase your strength, but you cannot eat your master's subordinates or your comrades, okay?"

Getting petted, Cat purred and nodded. She instantly forgot what she was hit for. However, she remembered the core of the lecture.

"Nom-Nom Meow?"

Esen's flame eyeballs rolled upward. She dropped her shoulders again.

"No. You cannot eat friendly guests, visitors, and random people you see on the street."

While the two interacted, Yao Qiqi couldn't stop laughing. When the two stopped messing around, she chimed in and changed the topic.

"Senior Esen, about the Virgin Yin, is it necessary to live 100 years or longer?"

Esen got energetic again as the other junior was interested in the lecture. She puffed her chest and explained.

"Yes. The "Virgin" suffix is there for a reason. The longer you can live, the purer the yin essence! The purer the yin essence, the more powerful your power becomes!"

Yao Qiqi tilted her head. As a child, she didn't understand a certain thing.

"Then, why don't you call it 'Pure Yin' instead? Why Virgin Yin?"

"…"

Esen stumbled as she didn't know how to explain about the under-the-belly topic. Even though she was an undead, she started to sweat.

"Umm, you see. There's an additional condition to get the "Virgin" title. Err… first of all…"

Esen bit her lower lip as she was afraid of this topic. She didn't want to ruin Yao Qiqi's innocence and pure mind.

However, Cat was too smart for her own good. She explained in Esen's stead.

"Meow-Meow Meow!"

"EEEHHH!!?"

Yao Qiqi widened her eyes and stared at Cat in shock.

Meanwhile, Esen yelled at Cat again, "WHAT ARE YOU TELLING A CHILD?!"

"Meow!"

"W-What? O-Oh, you're right. My bad. I didn't think of that word."

Esen coughed and turned to Qiqi as she remembered the right phrasing.

"It's like this, Qiqi. You can't marry or have a boyfriend when you're cultivating virgin yin essence. That's why we call it Virgin!"

Yao Qiqi looked back and forth between Esen and Cat. She then pouted as she didn't really understand what a boyfriend was.

"I don't understand what a boyfriend is, senior. But I do understand Cat that I can't suck senior Florida Man's mouth-"

"TAAAAAAHHHHH!!"

Esen panicked and closed Yao Qiqi's mouth. She then glared at Cat.

"IT'S YOUR FAULT, CAT!"

Cat snickered and mischievously grinned. She then copied a strange cat's voice.

"Munya!"

Esen's face twitched. She bonked Cat with the thousand fans again.

"Don't speak the Cathulhu Language! They're the blasphemous cancer of the universe!"

The more Esen rebuked, the more exciting Cat became. She meowed like a naughty child.

"Munya Meow!"

"You…"

Esen facepalmed as she was mentally exhausted from this babysitting job. On the other hand, Yao Qiqi giggled while Cat cackled like a villain. 

OoOOoooOOooO

While the girls enjoyed their company, the two spirits behind Esen whispered and warned her about the new guest. All spirit orbs and transparent fireballs stopped rotating. They gathered and formed a wall in front of Cat and Yao Qiqi.

WHOOSH

A few seconds later, an elderly man in a court official robe descended from the dark sky.

Tang Xuan landed and gazed at the group of young girls. He glanced at Cat and Yao Qiqi for a moment before he faced Esen. Showing respect, Tang Xuan saluted and bowed.

"I am Chancellor Tang Xuan of the Yan Empire. Fair Lady, I've brought a message from the emperor, and I wish to seek an audience with Sir Florida Man. Could you relay the word to him, please?"

Esen narrowed her eyes as she didn't like human cultivators. Still, as the old man was polite and showed some manners, Esen had no reason to send him away.

"Wait there. I'll go call that geezer."

"Thank you, Fair Lady. Oh, by the way, what title may I call you?"

Esen smirked and puffed her chest, "Call me the Empress!"

"…Em…press?" Tang Xuan was taken aback. "So, are you an empress of the monster race, your majesty?"

Esen loved Tang Xuan's tone. She laughed, "Yes! I'm the empress of all necromancers and archliches! You should be honored that you are talking to the gorgeous, magmatic, charming, and charismatic emp-*PA*"

Before Esen could finish her sentences, Leo walked out from the alchemy alley with a paper fan in his hand. He smacked her head for her loud voice.

"Pipe it down, you brat! I was trying to sleep, goddammit!"

Esen squatted and covered her head because of dizziness. After regaining her bearing, she turned around and yelled at Leo.

"How dare you hit this empress?!"

PA

Leo smacked her with the fan again. He then grabbed her crown and pulled her from the ground like a rag doll.

"Listen here, you little shit. At night, you shut your mouth. If you keep yapping, chirping, and laughing like a banshee in mating season having a bestiality orgy with hyenas, nobody here is gonna a wink of sleep! Think of your poor virgin neighbors. Didn't your mother teach you that?!"

"…"

Tang Xuan and Esen stared at Leo, wondering if he was trolling. It was common knowledge that cultivators rarely slept at night. Moreover, an undead like Esen didn't need such a thing.

Leo snorted and put Esen on the ground. He scolded her enough.

Getting bullied, the little empress was enraged and flailed her arms around, trying to hit him. However, Leo's hand pressed on her head, preventing the little girl from coming closer to him.

"MUKIIIIIII!!"

While pushing the little undead monkey's head away from him, Leo turned his attention to Tang Xuan. He still remembered this envoy.

"Oh, hello. It has been a while. The last time I saw you, I almost turned you into cat food. Have you been well? Do you want to rob my store or bully my subordinate again?"

"…"

Tang Xuan sweated profusely. He wondered if coming here and talking to this crazy old man was the right choice.