The Accidental Wife by Sara Islam

Chapter 139

"How are you feeling, Rosie?" my therapist asks me. She always asksthis question. Usually, | can interpret

my feelings into words, but today, | can't do it. | don't know how to explain to her that | have never felt this

confused in my entire life. puzzled and perplexed. | thought when | first got out of the accident that | had

reached the ultimate level of confusion, but | guess what I'm feeling now is way more confusing." | do my best to

express how I'm feeling. "What's making you confused?" she asks and | take a deep breath.

"I'm

"Silas has been hanging out with another girl," | start, looking at her for a second before looking down again. "I'm

not supposed to feel jealous or upset, but... | do." | raise my head to look at her again.

"But didn't you say that you weren't sure of your feelings for him?" she wonders and I nod. "Then why do you

feel jealous?"

"I think | made a terrible mistake." | sniff, trying to prevent myself from crying even though she has made it

pretty clear that this is a safe place forto cry. "Leaving Silas was one of the worst mistakes of my life, and |

hate that it tookseeing him with another girl to realize that." do you want to do?" she asks.

"And

what

""What | Why can't what | want

| to do is knock on his door and apologize. | want to tell him that | want to be with him again and | want to give

us a genuine chance this time, but | can't do that." My tears betrayas they roll down my cheeks. 't you do do

that?" She sets her pen down as she looks at me.

moment before my eyes move to the plant placed in one of the corners I tilt my head back, staring at the plain

ceiling for a moment before my eyes move to the plant placed in one of the corners of the room. | have always

like the décor of her office. It makesfeel at ease and and comfortable. "Because | hurt him enough and it

doesn't feel right to jump back into his life once he is starting to move on. What kind of person would | be? | can't

do that to Sillas. He doesn't deserve that at all. | want him happy and if...if his happiness means that he should

be away | stay away from him.

| don't want to stay away from him. When he heldin the hallway after | told him | remembered something, |

wanted to hold onto him as long as | could. | didn't want him to letgo.

"Sometimes, things don't go our way in life, Rosie, and | know that it's hard, but we need to learn to accept

whatever happens. We're not in control of everything," my therapist tellsand | wipe my tears.

of my stupidity," a sob escapeseven though I'm trying to calm "The thing is, | was in control once, but I lost

it because of my stupidity," a sob escapeseven though I'm trying to calm myself down. "I wish | could turn

back time."

You

, though, and what we need to work on now is cto terms with your new reality," she tells me. Her tone is

soft but her words are bullets penetrating my heart and chest.

"I remembered something new and... guess what? Silas is part of it too. When | woke up with that memory in my

head, the first thing | did was rush to his place. | had this image in my head I thought he was going to hug me

tightly, and celebrate with me, but he didn't open the door for oor for me. Maisie did. And when | saw her,

everything crumbled before my eyes." "Did you tell him that you remembered something?" she asks and | nod.

"I didn't tell him in front of Maisie. He tookto the hallway when | refused to get inside his apartment. When |

told him, he had the biggest smile on his face and huggedlike usual." | sadly smile when | remember his

reaction. "I said something to him and he toldthat Maisie wasn't his girlfriend. I'm not gonna lie, | was

relieved, but... | have a feeling that it's only a matter of time." "So if she's not his girlfriend, what's stopping

you?" she wonders, resting her back against her dark brown chair. Chapter 139

H "He is moving on. | can't just walk into his life and tell him | want him back and | have a boyfriend... | need to

break up with him. | don't feel comfortable in our relationship, but I can't just go back to Silas the moment |

break up with Everest," | say. My heart is already beating fast. "What makes you uncomfortable with Everest?"

"Maybe the fact that he's not the one he once was before we started officially dating. He always wants things his

ways. He's always interested in my family. He sometimes mocks my interests. He wasn't like that. Maybe he was

like that when we were friends, but | cannot remember," | reply, playing with a pen I found in front of me. "Do

you feel safe around Everest?" she asks. "I don't think he would hit me, but emotionally, | don't feel safe around

me. | constantly feel like | need to defend myself and my actions. Relationships shouldn't be like that." | rub my

forehead. | don't know when things may calm down, but | really can't take it anymore. "Listen, Rosie. | | don't

really trust Everest, so maybe when you break up with him make sure that you have somebody you trust in the

splace as you or at least close to you," my therapist suggests. The first person who comes to my mind is

Silas, but I don't want to bring him into this | can easily ask my dad. He is going to be there forin a

heartbeat, but | don't want to bring my parents into this either. When | told them | started dating Everest, they

weren't thrilled, but they said that as long as | was happy, they were happy for me. | wasn't happy when | told

them and I'm not happy now. | haven't been happy in a while.

|

Maybe | can ask Sabrina or even Knox. | haven't talked to Knox in a while, but | know that he's a great friend. He

makes Sabrina happy and she always tellsthat he is a great boyfriend.

|

"I think | can do that. Better safe than sorry." | smile a little. "What do you think | should do?"

|

"| think you need to learn to discover yourself on your own. | want you to spend a day by yourself, but not inside

your apartment. | want you to go out and do something you love. When you cback, write down how you felt

throughout the day," she replies and | nod. Maybe | need to do that. Maybe | need to be alone for a while.

After | leave her place, | call Kendall to catch up with her. | haven't spoken to her in a week and that hasn't been

the case before.

Perhaps | need to stop comparing my life now with how it once was before. | need to accept that things cannot

stay the same

anymore.

On my way back home, | head to the supermarket to get a few things | need. | don't know why fate loves playing

games with me, but while I'm filling my cart with the groceries | need, | find Silas in the ssupermarket.

| don't understand why I always bump into him. It's like there's a mathat pullstowards him.

"Hello there, neighbor," he cheerfully says when he notices me. Is that all that | am to him now? Just a neighbor?

"Hi, Silas." | smile at him, but my smile doesn't reach my eyes.

"What's going on?" he asks, probably sensing with his inner radar that something is wrong. hate that he knows