I'm Not Going to Be Bullied By a Girl

I was surprised when I heard that gramps wanted me to hit him.

“Are you sure? Although you look robust and healthy, the elderly have osteoporosis...”

Gramps put his fist under his mouth and coughed.

“Why do you have so many questions? Do you want to learn kung fu from me or not?”

“Huh? Are you teaching me kung fu today?”

I was a bit overjoyed.

Gramps slightly nodded with an impatient expression.

“So... Gramps, what’s the name of the kung fu?”

“Name? Why do you need a name?”

“It’s too shabby without a name! If you’re not going to tell me your name, at least tell me the name of this school of kung fu!”

“Hmph, meddlesome!” the old man replied, then put both his hands behind his back, and said slowly while gazing at the clouds in the sky:

“This martial art, the ancestors named it ‘Yin Yang Sanshou’...” (TN: san shou is basically free fighting)

Eh? It sounds kind of familiar? I think I heard it mentioned before on some magazine? Was it in cosplay Tai Chi? Isn’t it just a knock off of taichi?

“Gramps, you can just call it taichi...”

After he heard what I said, gramps was furious to the point his beard stood straight up.

“Tai Chi, Tai Chi! All of you guys only know Tai Chi! What’s so great about those old fogies from Wudang Mountain? Isn’t it because they had Zhang SanFeng? It doesn’t mean the younger generations will be able to succeed him!”

When he was angry, he stamped his feet and the lakeside mud resounded as if it was stone.

“Hmph, let me tell you, it’s been said that all literary works are copies of each other. Actually, when it comes to martial arts, all the different sects or schools all heavily influence each other! If I had to say it, in Chinese martial arts, there’s really only two moves!”

Eh? This was the first time I heard that saying, isn’t Chinese martial arts known for its many schools and complicated techniques? How can there be only two moves?

Gramps stuck out two fingers, “one is called Hua Jin, the other is called Fa Jin!” (TN: Hua Jin kind of means to transform strength, and Fa Jin means to exert strength. It makes sense later on.)

I made an expression of being taught and waited for gramps to continue speaking.

“All martial arts are nothing more than finding a suitable method for their own Hua Jin or Fa Jin. ‘Si Lian Bo Qian Jin’[1] is not only used in Taichi, but other martial arts can also use it, they’re just not as good as the Wudang sect at promoting themselves! Also, ‘Si Lian Bo Qian Jin’ is clearly unscientific! The Wudang sect is bullshitting! If you want to counter the force of 1000 pounds[2], you have to be able to exert at least 800 pounds of force! TV series are all full of it too! It’s so misleading when they show strong men getting beat up by children and women!”

Gramps started to criticize people’s stupidity with a chest full of hate. He also cursed at the 20 or so martial art schools that were a part of the Wudang faction. (TN: When I think old asian man teaching kungfu, only he comes to mind. lol)

After his anger had slightly dissipated, he said to me with great pride in his own martial arts:

“The Yin Yang Sanshou that I will teach you, unlike Taichi, doesn’t have many flowery moves, there’s also no routines. It’s entirely composed of the secret of Hua Jin and Fa Jin. As for how to apply it in actual combat, you must achieve it yourself.”

“Oh... does that mean I can graduate after learning two moves?”

“Two moves?” Gramps said while looking down on me, “In your dreams! I’ll only teach you one move! I’ll only teach you Hua Jin, I won’t teach you Fa Jin!”

“Why? Do you charge tuition?”

Isn’t this like those fraudulent games where only VIP members can access the contents?

“Tuition?” Gramps lifted the corners of his mouth and gazed at me with scorn. “If you can learn it with money, there will already be enough people lined up in front of you to go around DongShan Lake three times! Let me tell you: Learn it if you want, if you don’t want to then leave! I’m already making an exception by teaching you Hua Jin!”

“An exception?”

“Yeah” gramps started to twirl his beard again. “Actually, according to our ancestors’ rules, Yin Yang Sanshou can’t be passed to outsiders, but I’m already so old. It’s not like my children aren’t interested in martial arts, but their legs are too long...”

“Their... legs are too long?”

I widened my eyes. “What does having long legs have to do with learning Yin Yang Sanshou?”

The old man sized me up again and he looked pleased with himself.

“The reason why I want to teach you Yin Yang Sanshou is because in addition to seeing your perseverance, it’s also because your legs are short and suitable for learning this martial arts.”

Short legs...? So, it’s not because my body is a good material for practicing martial arts, but because my legs are short?

The old man sighed and said: “Yin Yang Sanshou specializes in attacks with the upper limbs. It’s suitable for people with long arms and short legs... My offspring all have long legs, it’s a tragedy!”

How can I endure this when you’re telling me it’s a tragedy their legs are too long when I worry everyday about my short legs!

After he brought this to attention, I found that gramps also had long arms and short legs, it was even more pronounced than me! It was almost as bad as Liu Bei, whose hands passed his knees!

“Well, the power Yin Yang Sanshou comes from the earth. The earth is also your greatest support. Just like as the foreigner something medes said, it’s your fulcrum...” (TN: Give me a place to stand, and I shall move the world)

Are you referring to Archimedes? The one who said that if you gave him a fulcrum and long enough lever, he could move the earth?

“It’s not that people with long legs can’t learn Yin Yang Sanshou, but if their legs are too long, they will develop a habit of attacking with their legs. Once their body leaves the ground, you lose your fulcrum, which is also the greatest advantage of Yin Yang Sanshou. So, that’s why long legs aren’t beneficial for mastering Yin Yang Sanshou.”

It sounds reasonable, you also rarely see leg attacks in Taichi.

“That’s why none of my children have mastered Yin Yang Sanshou, at most they have a bit of superficial knowledge. If this goes on, Yin Yang Sanshou will disappear from JiangHu sooner or later. This technique is condensed from successive generations of blood and tears. I can’t bear to let it become extinct. It’s rare to come by such good material for learning Yin Yang Sanshou....”

He said as he looked at my legs again.

Stop looking! Are my leg really that short? Isn’t it just average? When I was competing with Niu ShiLi yesterday, I compared the length of our legs and it’s almost the same! Maybe when compared with the class leader or Xiao Qin, my legs are short! That must be the reason why!

“Hua Jin is mainly used for defense, and Fa Jin is mainly used for offense. I’ll only teach you Hua Jin from Yin Yang Sanshou. First of all, it wouldn’t violate the ancestors’ rules. Second of all, I won’t teach you Fa Jin because I’m afraid young people can’t control their strength, and might injure or kill someone. Also, as I’ve said previously, don’t call me master, it’s the rule of the ancestors, I can’t accept you as a disciple.”

After stopping for a while, he beckoned me with one arm. “Come at me with all your strength. I’ll show you Hua Jin.”

I still felt a little hesitant, but as the face of gramps became more pressing, I could only brace myself and clench my fist. I used 50% of my strength and sent an attack to gramps’ shoulder.

“Don’t use only 50%! Give me 100%!” The old man did not hide or dodge, but only sternly shouted at me.

There was a dignifying aura in his voice, different from oppressive aura of Peng TouSi. It was the kind of mystery where you can see the dragon head but not its tail. I couldn’t help myself but to stop.

Since gramps could even tell what percentage of strength I was using, there’s no point pretending in front of a master.

I took a deep breath and utilized all of my muscles. I took a huge stride to the front of gramps, a right hook, I want to see how gramps deals with it.

“Aiiii–!!” Gramps released a blood-curdling scream and was punched on the face. He fell head first into DongShan Lake like a broken kite. He caused huge splashes as he hit the water.

Sorry, the above was entirely an illusion in my mind. In reality, my fist only scraped gramps’ shirt, and it was captured by a strange force.

Gramps only moved a little to let my fist pass, at the same time he stretched out his left arm and sucked in my attack like a magnet. My right arm seemed to be caught by countless invisible spider webs. I deviated from my original direction, lost my balance and ran into a willow tree behind gramps.

“Bam”, I stopped and saw stars after crashing into the tree.

Eh? What happened? Isn’t this a superpower instead of martial arts?

The old man still had one hand behind his back and he beckoned me with two fingers on his left hand. That meant come again.

My competitive spirit was fired up, I refused to lose. I used all kinds of wild attacks, even unorthodox methods from TV and rushed gramps several times.

Without exception, every time I was misdirected by by only one of gramps’ arms. Enough times that I developed intimate contact with the three nearby willow trees.

After I was hit multiple times, I managed to calm down a bit.

Not only can he remove my offense, but he can also accurately make me hit the tree, at least I didn’t fall and break my teeth —— gramps’ Hua Jin kung fu is spectacular! My half-assed skills are not match!

Inner adoration was born within, I was itching to kneel down on both knees and shout ‘master, teach me’.

“Umm...master...”

I only said a few words, but gramps looked at me with condemnation. I could only change my words:

“Gramps, you’re amazing, I admit my defeat! I really want to learn, so please teach me! But... I still have to go to school today, can you continue the lesson tomorrow, but lend me the secret scroll first, so I can study it at school?”

I requested shamelessly, I thought there might also be clues to Fa Jin on the secret scroll. If gramps gives me the secret scroll, doesn’t that mean I can learn it?

Unexpectedly, gramps put both his hands behind his back and began to lecture me:

“What secret scroll! If martial arts were passed down by secret scrolls, most of the skills would have become extinct much faster!”

“Martial arts, in the end, is a technique for utilizing your own body. The human body varies from person to person. How can this experience be learned from books? You think that a long essay about life will help you practice martial arts? The saying goes, ‘authenticity with one statement, fake with thousands of books’. There has never been any bullshit since the creation of Yin Yang Sanshou!”

“Also, the core of martial arts is ‘training’, it’s about using ** to feel it! Have you felt it after I’ve used Hua Jin many times?”

It wouldn’t be wrong to say I felt it, but I’m still a bit mystified. My confusion is greater than comprehension.

“In short, there’s no secret scrolls for Yin Yang Sanshou! Come find me at DongShan Lake every morning, run two laps less, have a few more spars with me. After a while, you will naturally be able to grasp the mystery of Hua Jin —— understand?”

I subconsciously wanted to say “your disciple understands”, but I was afraid gramps would get mad, so I could only say, “I understand.”

Gramps nodded and let me go to school.

On the way to school, I looked at both of my hands that were scraped by the rough bark of the trees. I was not even a bit vexed, but rather filled with joy.

Although, no matter what, it felt like Taichi, but as gramps said, Chinese martial arts only has two moves. As long as you master the technique, who cares about the name, what’s more important is that it will make me stronger!

Yin Yang Sanshou, eh? Does ‘Yin’ refer to gentleness, and ‘Yang’ refer to vigor? I happen to have more than enough vigor but not enough gentleness. As for Hua Jin, it would be the so-called soft versus. Unlike my battles before where it was always hard versus hard, even if I won, I would also take a lot of damage...

It doesn’t seem to fit my Spartan style! This way, wouldn’t fights be less fiery and lack a man’s romance?

But then again, in the event Xiao Qin goes berserk, it is better to use the gentle side of Yin Yang Sanshou to subdue her. At least, it’s better than using “Berserk mode” to fight where neither of us wins, right?

After arriving at the school, whether I was in class or not, I looked at my right hand in a daze. I recalled the special feeling I felt in my arms when gramps used Hua Jin.

When she returned my bag, Xiao Qin was worried when she saw how preoccupied I was.

“Ye Lin classmate, what happened to your hand?”

In the heat of the moment, I said to Xiao Qin: “Come, punch me, don’t hold back, hit me as hard as you can!”

Footnotes

[1] My understanding for ‘Si Lian Bo Qian Jin’ may not be 100% correct, but I believe in this usage it’s a term/move that originates from Taichi and basically refers to using enemies force against them or something... Where the saying is someone smaller can beat someone larger

[2] Chinese people usually use Jin (500g) as measurement, not pounds, but I’ll keep it pounds for English readers since it’s the closest measurement. 1 pound = 0.9 jin