Florida Man's General Store in Cultivation World

303 Florida Man and Ohio Man Compare Their Balls’ Sizes in Public Transport. No One Has Been Blinded

Chapter 303 – Florida Man and Ohio Man Compare Their Balls' Sizes in Public Transport. No One Has Been Blinded.

Instead of going home, Aslan and Leo sat on the bridge, discussing their past and what Aslan had been doing.

Leo patiently listened to his father. After hours of narration, he finally summarized Aslan's excuses.

"So, Eleanor and Mao Miaomiao planned to kill you to steal my OLD physical body. You outsmarted them by transferring my soul to another experimental chimera homunculus you had created beforehand. Then, you crafted a special ring in my right hand and hid your soul in here to escape death?"

Leo pointed at the traces of his alien ring that had already merged with his skin.

Aslan grinned, "Aren't I a genius? Without my trick, you and I would have died. That bastard Mao Miaomiao and Eleanor didn't intend to let any human live, but we managed to minimize the damage to Earth and save our asses!"

"By putting me through 50,000 years of torture and random lightning strikes? Is that how you raise your son? Do you even know what I had been through to get here?"

"It's called 'Cultivating', not torturing. Also, the lightning is heavenly tribulation lightning. You normally get hit by one when you try to cultivate Qi when the planet's laws don't allow cultivators to exist. Earth's environment is pretty mild for an evolved planet."

When Aslan mentioned Heavenly Tribulation Lightning, Leo recalled that he and his subordinates rarely experienced tribulation lightning. He wondered why.

Although Leo was curious about the lightning tribulations, he was too absorbed in the banter. He continued quarreling with his father.

"Mild my ass! I freaking mutated and vomited blood ten thousand times before I could even cultivate Qi!"

"Bullshit. You devoured radiation like a starving baboon seeing a table of bananas! You pretty much ate Qi as breakfast!"

"Screw you! Nobody taught me that radiation is freaking Qi!"

"You never asked your goddamn ring!"

"Your goddamn ring never replied to my questions!"

"You forgot to enable the assistant option in the shopping menu option, you dumbass! Open your goddamn system and check it if you don't believe me!"

"…Huh?"

Leo was stunned. He opened the online shopping system menu and looked around the screen. As he paid attention to every detail, he noticed a small cog icon at the top right corner of the monitor. He pressed on it.

DING

An option menu appeared. It revealed options and abilities to adjust the screen size, sound, resolutions, subtitles, and popup tips. Upon checking the tips option, Leo found what Aslan had mentioned.

There was an option to enable "Helper".

"…Oh." Leo facepalmed. He couldn't believe that he spent 50,000 years on Earth without noticing this option.

Aslan smirked, "Had you enabled that option, I would have been able to chat with you and provide you cultivation tips and guides. Instead of spending 50,000 freaking years eating shit, you could have ascended to the karmic sovereign realm within a thousand years or so! Well, your effort wasn't in vain, though. Because of your stubbornness in eating random junk and raw food, your soul grows so much that it reaches the pinnacle of the transcendent realm! Most credits still belong to me though. Your body is my finest creation!"

Leo deeply sighed as he found Aslan more annoying than before. His frustration was directed at his father.

"Why didn't you enable it by default then!? My entire life would have been much better!"

"…Oh." Aslan flinched and broke a sweat. When he thought about it, he could have done so by tampering with the entity fate crystal a bit.

"See?! It's your freaking fault!"

"Dammit! Don't shift the blame, you autistic brat!"

The family banter continued…

.

.

Hours later, Leo and Aslan stopped talking about their past. The father decided to let Simba and Ester out of his dantian universe.

Finally, Ohio Man and Florida Man met again face to face.

Leo was surprised when the people that Leo had assumed dead suddenly appeared. He frowned and stared at his father.

"What now?"

Aslan coughed and reintroduced everybody.

"Leo, let me introduce you to your missing brother. This is Simba Ariel, your younger brother. As for the girl, she's Ester Sydin, his wife. Oh, here. Simba. This is your elder brother, Leonardo Ariel…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

Ester, Leo, and Simba awkwardly looked at each other and deeply frowned.

After a few seconds of silence, Simba broke the ice, "We meet again, bro."

Leo tilted his head. He remembered that he had a brother, but he forgot his face.

"Are you sure you're my brother?" Leo pointed at Simba and stared at Aslan.

Aslan coughed, "He's adopted."

"How nice of you. For a moment there, I thought you banged a black woman and stole her child."

"That's rude! Who do you think I am?!"

"A perverted elf who goes around to copulate with various races. You scored a white woman and a freaking giant phoenix. Why not a black woman?"

"…You." Aslan was speechless. He gave up correcting Leo's attitude and misunderstanding as his son was too dumb to understand his explanation.

Leo also gave up talking to his secretive father. He confronted Simba. "So, did you attack me to rescue your wife or something?"

Simba deeply sighed, "You seem stupid, but you're quick to pick up clues. Yes, I attacked you because I thought you imprisoned my wife."

"Fair enough. If you did the same to my wife, I would have blindly raided your planet too."

"So, are we cool?"

"If you say so…"

Leo shrugged and raised his fist. Simba smirked and gave him a fist bump. However, the latter had questions to ask Leo.

"Say, bro."

"Yeah?"

"Where's my son?"

"Your son… oh, that stupid black kid on my bed? I gave him to a cow-tit nanny. Do you want him back?"

"…Please."

Leo deeply sighed as he had another headache to worry about, "Fine. When we go back, I'll send him back to you."

"Thanks…"

"Oh, yeah. You said that your surname is Sydin?" Leo changed the subject and turned to Ester.

Ester nervously nodded, "Yes, senior."

"I…kinda remember your name. Esen said you framed her when you were kids. Did you do it?"

Ester was ashamed. She lowered her head.

Seeing that Leo pushed his wife, Simba stood in front of her and warned his brother, "That was 50,000 years ago, and they were kids at that time. How old do you think she was?"

"I dunno. Tell me."

"Five!"

"…"

"Bro, don't dwell in a kid's fight. Blame their mother which escalated the situation."

Leo pursed his lips and nodded in agreement. He turned around.

"Enough chatting. Let's go home. I have a lot of work to do."

Aslan agreed, "Yeah, we've wasted enough time. Let's go home and have a family reunion celebration!"

"Tsk."

.

.

An hour later…

WHOOSH

The entire dreadnaught mothership teleported to the asteroid belt where it once parked. The dragon ship curled its body and turned off its lights.

Leo, Simba, Aslan, and Ester were the only ones on the bridge. They gazed at the star system map hologram in the middle of the room.

Aslan smiled, "We're home."

Leo got up from his seat and teleported home without saying anything. As for Simba and Ester, they remained on the ship.

Simba asked his father for permission, "Can we stay on the ship?"

"Why?" Aslan was surprised.

"Although I want to live in Leo's world, I think his wife might still hold a grudge against Ester. I wish to avoid potential conflicts and dramas."

"…Are you sure? I can be the middle man and talk with her."

"It's fine. For peace of mind, let's live separately. I'll guard the ship for you."

Aslan gave Simba a meaningful look. Then, he deeply nodded.

"Well, I guess you're right. Oh, I almost forgot about this."

Aslan brought out a hand-sized crystal that he had seized from Simba. It was a smaller version of the true entity fate crystal.

"Instead of keeping it as a consumable weapon, why don't you absorb it? Your system is still down right?"

Reminded of his system, Simba rechecked his system screen.

Indeed, it was disabled.

"I didn't notice. Why is it disabled?"

"Your brother destroyed Fate Stadium and killed the owner of that place."

"W-What?"

"Anyway, things will get more complicated from now on. All previous system users will scour for entity fate crystals to reenable their system powers. Overlords will fight each other and galactic wars will be common. You have a completed true entity fate crystal in your hand, so you can get a head start."

Simba retrieved the crystal back. He rotated it in his palm and hesitated.

"My system only allows me to pinpoint and find people. I doubt it will be useful."

"Just merge it with your soul and think of what you really need. Entity Fate Crystals always respond to the owner's deepest desire."

"…R-Really?"

"Didn't you get what you wished? When you first got your entity fate crystal, you wished to find your lost family members. You got the search system as a result, right?"

Simba nodded, but he also had doubts, "But I couldn't find you or Leo when I used it. Why?"

Aslan shrugged, "Blame Sieg. That guy suppressed everybody's systems to limit their growth. He owned multiple true entity fate crystals so his system was quite powerful."

"…I see." Simba understood everything, but this topic got him curious. "What about Leo's wish? What is his system like?"

Aslan rolled his eyes, "That dumbass got too attached to the modern world's technologies. I still remember when he swiped my credit card to purchase weed."

"…"

"Anyway, stop worrying about your stupid brother. Ask yourself what you really need at the moment."

"…Right."

Simba gazed at the fate crystal in his hand. As his cultivation base was inferior to Leo's, he thought of a way to gain power.

DING

The true fate crystal radiated in response to Simba's wishes. It merged with his soul and prompted him with a series of messages.

<Detecting New Dao. Patching the system…>

<Removing PVP System and Gacha System…>

<Unpacking Completed. Your system has been updated.>

A dozen system screens appeared and surrounded Simba. The latter bitterly smiled and pressed on one of the floating windows, naming his new ability.

DING

<Congratulations! Gold Dragon Overlord System has been integrated with your soul!>