NovelEnglish
Chapter 0192
Rowan.
My eyes snap open. Rays of light hitting me square in the face. I groan in pain. My head
was pounding as
If there was someone using it as a F***ing drum.
to realster thall
It takes a while am in my room, in Gabe’s house. It’s something we both did. He has a
room at my house, and I have one in his.
Groaning, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step under it.
Using my hands for
support, I lean against the wall and try to put my jumbled thoughts in order. I don’t
remember much of last
night except drinking
Fuck! How the hell did I get here? How is it possible that I fell in love with Ava and didn’t
realize it sooner?
The moment the realization hit me, I went straight to the club. I rarely get drunk. I
promised myself not to
ever get butt drunk after Noah was born. Normally, I just take a class or two, and that’s
enough.
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Yesterday, though, I needed it. I needed it badly
There is no remedy for what I was feeling. No F***ing cure. How do you even begin to deal
with the
realization
hurting?
t you love the woman that you hated? The same woman you spent nine F***ing wears
I sigh and get out of the bathroom. Feeling like I have aged at least thirty years. I haven’t
been this out of
sorts in years.
After getting dressed, I head downstairs. I find Gabe having breakfast.
“Where is June?” I ask, referring to his housekeeper.
“She’s made us breakfast and left. She said that she wanted an early start to the market
so she could get
fresh veggies.”
June had a thing against buying from grocery stores. For some reason, she believed that
they weren’t as
fresh or organic as they wanted us to believe. She buys all vegetables, fruits, meat, eggs,
and milk from
the local market, which is owned by a bunch of farmers.
“How are you feeling?” Gabe asks as I pour myself some coffee,
“Like I’ve been hit by a truck,”
When I realized that I loved Ava, part of me wanted to rush back to her house and tell her
immediately. I
would have if my rational side hadn’t won. It was too soon to tell her. She wouldn’t have
believed me at
+15 BONUS
I’ve never been scared, but with this new awareness, I was F***ing terrified. Is this how
she used to feel? Loving me but also knowing that I hate her?
“About yesterday,” Gabe begins, “I thought you swore never to get drunk ever again.”
1
I
“I know, but I needed it. I needed to numb the pain. You can’t understand how difficult it
was to realize that I love Ava. That all this time I’ve caused her nothing but pain. It was
suffocating me to know that I may have lost my chance with her all because I couldn’t let
go of my bitterness”
I pretend I don’t notice it every time I show up to pick Noah up, and she frowns at me in
disapproval. Or when, at times, she looks at me with nothing but hate and resentment.
I ignore it, trying to let it not affect me because I crave her. I follow her around like a damn
lost puppy, begging for any scraps of affection she’ll give me. Even if it’s bitterness, I take
Follow on Novᴇl-Onlinᴇ.cᴏmit because it’s the only way to be near her.
I never thought of what she went through at my hands. What she is dishing out is nothing
compared to what I did to her. Yet it still F***ing hurts. How the hell did she survive me for
those nine F***ing years?
she wants nothi
to do with me. Wants me to be completely out of her life for good. I want to give her that
because she deserves better, but I can’t let her go no matter how I F***ing try. 1
i
“How did that happen? The last time I checked, you were sure you were in love with
Emma.” Gabe asks me, looking puzzled.
“Yes, but weren’t you the one that insisted that I had suppressed feelings for Ava?”
I remember how adamant he was about that. He wouldn’t let it go, even after I told him
countless times that I wasn’t in love with Ava. I guess he just knows me better than I know
myself. He saw something I didn’t want to recognize.
“My gut was telling me you loved Ava, but your insistence at times made me doubt that
maybe I was wrong.”
I sigh. “You were F***ing right. My only wish is that I had relegalized this sooner. Maybe
then it would have been easier to mend what I broke”
I stare off into space. Lost in the bitter memories. Memories where I had her, but instead
of cherishing her I ruined her. I broke her. My actions and words chipped at her heart
slowly by slowly until there was nothing left.
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