Coming Home For Christmas

Lacey's POV.

“Wait, hold up, can you repeat that again for me, please?” “I'said your ex is right, Lacey” Tthought that's what she said.

“First of all, Catherine, he's not my ex and secondly, how is he right?” “Because you do need closure” 1 can't freaking believe this.

“You need to embrace the past and accept what happened before you can close the door on it for good and truly ‘move on with your life”

“And how am I supposed to do that, hmm? Logan said I should talk with my family and my ex and I don't think I can do that" “Why not?” My therapist asked me and 1 fell silent as I thought about my answer.

‘The only answer I had was the same old ones she already knows about and I knew if I said them one more time then Catherine would probably write in her little notepad Lacey Wright is a stuck £***+'g record.

“Talk to me, Lacey, you can't expect to make any progress if you don't talk to me” Tlook my therapist in the eye and I sigh.

“I guess I'm just too hurt to see them again let alone sit down and talk to them” “And why are you hurt?” She asked me and 1 felt myself closing off which she immediately noticed and put a stop to it.

“No, don't do that, Lacey, you can't keep closing yourself off like this” “Why cant?” “Because you can't, otherwise, what's the point of this? what's the point in coming here? what's the point in paying me to be your therapist if you're not even gonna try?” Urghtl, she's right Trun a hand through my hair as I let out a breath.

“I guess I'm hurt because my brother and my fiance betrayed me, if Dylan had cheated on me with someone else, someone who was a stranger then it probably wouldnt have hurt as bad but the fact that it was my big brother. it killed me, why couldnt he pick someone else?” whimpered as a couple of tears streamed down my face.

“T'm hurt because they didn't say anything..when I came home the next day, they kept their mouths shut and let my parents accuse me of being the cheater, not them. they even stayed silent and acted like two wounded little puppies and didn't do or say anything when my dad hit me and demanded that the wedding go ahead, who does that, hmm? if you're 50 in love with someone and that person is more your type than your fiancee is then why not say something? why continue to act like you're straight and you wanna marry a woman instead of confessing to loving and wanting to marry someone else?"

“Are your family and Dylan's family accepting of homosexuals? or are they against them?" “My family love everyone, they don't care who or what you are” “Sof Luca and Dylan did come out as gay, they wouldn't mind?" Catherine asks and I shake my head.

“No, they wouldn't I've got a cousin who is gay and he's the most effeminate, flamboyant, stereotypical gay guy you will ever meet and our families love him to death” “Why do you think they haven't come out to your family then?” Tshrug my shoulders because that's a question I can only speculate on.

“If had to take a guess then Id say it's because they had an affair, my family dorit agree with cheating or affairs and they definitely don't agree with family members betraying each other, especially over a lover” Tsay and she nods her head as she looks down at her notepad.

“You said earlier that your father hit you..has he ever done that before?" She asks and I shake my head “No, my parents never believed in physically hurting their kids" "So, it was a shock when he did it?" Catherine asks and I nod my head.

“Yeah..1 don't mean to condone his actions because trust me I don't at all but I think it was a mistake, I don't think he ‘wanted or intended to hit me, he was just so angry” She gives me a weird look and I sigh in annoyance.

“T'm condoning him being violent, aren't 17" “Yeah you are, it doesn't matter how angry he was or wasn't, Lace, there is no excuse in the world for anyone to be violent towards another person, especially a parent with their kid” She's not wrong.

1 don't think I can ever imagine myself hurting one of my children and if I did Td feel so sick to my stomach, not to mention Td feel guilty about it.

wonder if my dad felt the same way about hitting me?.

Thope so.

Catherine wanted me to explain what hurt the most about each person who betrayed me and 1 didnt realise that each one was basically the same answer until she pointed it out to me.

“It seems like most of your anger and hurt comes from you feeling used”

“Well..yeah, my dad wanted to use me to build an alliance with Dylan and his family, he proved that by still wanting our wedding to go ahead, Dylan used me because he clearly knew how he felt about men and instead of being a normal human being and coming out so that he could live his best life as an out and proud gay man, he used me as a shield to protect himself from anyone who may disagree with his lifestyle. I mean, think about it, who's gonna question a man's sexuality when he's got a woman who is clearly in love with him hanging off his arm?” 1said feeling anger fill my body.

“Can ask you a question?” “sure “Were you really in love with Dylan? or could it have been teenage puppy love?" She asks shocking me.

"Of course loved him, why would you even ask me that?" “Because during our sessions, Lacey, we've discussed both Logan and Dylan and from my observation, it seems that youve been in love with both of these men but your love for Logan is completely different to what you felt for Dylan” “Hows it different?” Task confused.

“You tell me” Tlet out a breath as I think about the differences between the two.

“Well, Dylan was my first love and even though T was in love with him for many years. 1 don't think my feelings for him were as strong or as intense as they are with Logan which is weird because Dylan was my best friend as well as my partner, we dated for years before we got engaged but Logan and I never dated, he's just my brother's best friend who Thad s*x with one night because Iwas hurting emotionally” “But you're in love with him” She states and I nod my head.

“Have you ever thought that maybe Logan is your true love and your soulmate, someone who you were destined to be with?" “I doubt that finding not one but both of those things are rare and are a once-in-a-lifetime thing” “Kind of like having three child prodigies during your first pregnancy?” She asks with a slight smirk on her face.

Well, that shut me up.

“When did you realise you were in love with Logan?” “I don't know honestly. 1 just remember one day a few years ago hearing about him dating some Hollywood actress and Iwas so heartbroken and hurt by it that I ended up having some very aggressive thoughts." 1drifted off because I felt ashamed.

1 can't believe I've just admitted this out loud.

Tve never been an angry or aggressive person yet I wanted to physically hurt another woman just because she was with my man.

Whoa, wait, what the f**k? Did 1 really just say my man? No wonder I'm in freaking therapy.

Tthought to myself whilst rubbing my forehead “So, you were jealous that he was with another woman?" "Pfft, no" Tscoffed and my therapist looked at me like dont bullshit a bullshitter, Lacey.

“Ok fine, I was jealous, are you happy?” “Very” She says with a chuckle.

“We're finally getting somewhere, just have to ask that if you're jealous and youre in love with Logan then why ‘won't you give him a chance? he seems like a nice guy from what you've told me" “Hes” Tsay with a smile.

“He's a great guy, he always has been”

“Then why are you so hesitant to date him? from what you've told me, you're in love with him and he's told you he's in love with you, you've got three beautiful kids together, so what's the problem?” She asks and I shrug my shoulders “I don't know..maybe it's because I'm insecure, I'm scared that history will repeat itself and Logan wil leave me when someone better comes along, the only difference between the two is that there are three extra hearts involved here and I wanna avoid hurting them or breaking their hearts at all costs” “Do you think Logan is capable of hurting you and your kids?" “My kids, no definitely not, I've seen him with them and he treats them like the precious gems they are but me.

don't know, I mean, I never thought Dylan would ever cheat on me or hurt me and he did, so what would stop Logan from doing the same thing?" Td like to think Logan is the real deal and that I can trust him with my heart but there's still that annoying, nagging little b***h deep inside of me who is telling me that I can't trust anyone including Logan God, when did I tum into such an insecure i***t2.

“Ithink youre insecure as well and I think that's something you should work on because you deserve to be happy, Lacey but you'll never be happy if you're feeling insecure because of what happened in the past with your ex" Once again she's right but she's not the only one, Logan is also right as well 1do need to face my past so that I can move on and be happy but the big question is, can I face my family so that I can get my closure? and the even bigger question is, do I think my future belongs with Logan? I don't know, only time wil tell on that one.