Re:Zero Kara Hajimeru Isekai Seikatsu

Volume 4, Chapter 29 [An Omnivorous Man]

Closing in on the core of what he wanted to know, Subaru tilted his teacup.

Letting the hot tea pass down his throat, he swallowed it along with his doubts for now and settled them into his stomach. Then, seriously considering what he should say next,

[Subaru: To what extent… are you willing to answer my questions?]

[Lewes: ……you may have already noticed my reluctance, but don’t expect too much from me. Because of my contract, there is not much information I can give Su-bo. As for the Trials, I am under strict orders not to allow any outside interference with the Tomb]

[Subaru: The way you said that already gave me a few clues…… strict orders, huh]

[Lewes: ――――]

Faced with Subaru’s repeated questions, Lewes grew silent.

Judging by her words and behaviors so far, there weren’t many contenders for someone capable of bending her to their will. More than likely, those were Roswaal’s orders, but,

[Subaru: In that case, that guy’s objectives just becomes less and less comprehensible. Does he want me…… want us to pass the Trials? Or doesn’t he? I can’t even be sure whether he’s planning to help us or not]

[Lewes: I guess he was hoping you would find the answer to that yourselves, or something along those lines. Even back in the day, Ros-bo was a naughty little child who loved to do things in these obscure and roundabout ways. He may have gotten taller, but deep down, he hasn’t changed a bit]

Perhaps it was because they’ve known each other for so long, that Lewes could lightheartedly say this of the young Roswaal.

“Hasn’t changed a bit.” Having only gotten to know Roswaal’s perverted side, Subaru couldn’t help but shudder at the thought of what Roswaal might’ve been like back when his limbs were still stubby.

[Subaru: Well, there must still be some cuteness left in there, mnnyeah, probably maybe]

[Lewes: Ros-bo’s childhood…… hm, since they pertain to the secrets of the Mathers family, I’m afraid I cannot divulge anything further]

[Subaru: Uuuogh, but I’m interested…… no, wait, am I interested? I don’t really mind not knowing too much about that guy’s personality, actually]

Crossing his arms and tilting his head, Subaru started to question why he wanted to know in the first place, and,

[Subaru: Alright, let’s toss that one out. I just need to know what that guy’s planning, there’s no need to understand him]

[Lewes: You sure came to that conclusion easily]

[Subaru: There’s no need to worry about things that’re pointless to worry about. Ultimately, humans can’t understand everything from zero to a hundred anyway. But even so, we still want to understand some things, and I guess that’s what love is. I’ll always love Emilia-tan, but I don’t love Roswaal all that much!]

In front of that clear-cut declaration tossing Roswaal aside, Lewes gave an impressed nod, and continuing [In that case], she touched her hand to her chin,

[Lewes: It seems, there is no other topic I can talk to you about……]

[Subaru: Naah, as long as we don’t touch on anything forbidden by Lewes-san’s contracts, my QUESTION-TIME is still ongoing, isn’t it? Nevermind Roswaal’s personality for now, but I still want to ask a few more things from the Sanctuary’s all-knowledgeable granny Lewes-san]

[Lewes: H…mm. Well, if you just wanna ask, that’s fine, go ahead and ask. But, the dire consequences of violating my contract are not limited to myself alone. By no means forget this, understood?]

Bending forward, the little girl glared up threateningly at Subaru.

Honestly, it looked so adorable that it gave off no sense of pressure at all, but Subaru nonetheless hugged his own shoulders pretending to shudder in reaction, and whimpered out [So scary] with tears puddling up in his eyes,

[Subaru: Alright, now that we have the scary aggressor and the frightened victim properly mapped out, it’s question-time now?]

[Lewes: I’m finding it a bit hard to accept the way you made me the villain just now]

[Subaru: As a man once said, that’s that and this is this. So, question now―― You said that Frederica and Garfiel are siblings, and Frederica had stayed inside the Sanctuary, right?]

While Lewes was still a bit unable to accept her treatment, with a feigned smile, Subaru cut directly into the main topic. Seeing her expression change upon hearing his question, Subaru waved a finger,

[Subaru: Frederica, who was supposed to be in the Sanctuary, is now dressed in a maid’s uniform and serving in Roswaal’s Mansion. But, from what I’ve gathered, this situation sounds a bit odd]

[Lewes: Hmm, odd how?]

[Subaru: If Frederica is Garfiel’s sister, then she must be half-blooded as well. Then, being a half-blood, she shouldn’t have been able to leave the Sanctuary for as long as the Barrier is still intact]

The Barrier of the Sanctuary that reacts to the blood of the half-bloods, barring their escape:

It was the thing that struck Emilia unconscious on the way in, that kept Garfiel and Lewes trapped in this place indefinitely, and it was the wall that was currently one of the greatest obstacles standing in Subaru’s path.

After agonizingly trying to find a way to surmount it, there was now an exception who had passed beyond that wall. In other words,

[Subaru: There must be some kind of secret path to leave the Barrier. Or maybe, even the Barrier’s existence is a lie]

[Lewes: A lie…… that would be a bit upsetting. The truth is, in my life up to now, I have never once set foot into the outside world. All this is owing to the existence of the Barrier]

[Subaru: Or, maybe you are being deceived by the contract you’ve been bound to…… such a malicious possibility isn’t entirely out of the question? It could also be that since there’s too much risk involved in actually testing the reality of the Barrier, it just so happens that no one thought to verify it. But then…]

The possibility that all the residents of the Sanctuary had been deceived about the existence of the Barrier.

The Trials inside the Tomb certainly exist, so this should be highly unlikely. Yet Subaru couldn’t completely rule out the possibility that this was some overly elaborate plan to trap the refugees of Arlam and win Emilia renown.

[Subaru: Considering the kind of uproar there’d be if they found out about the truth, it’s just a bit too unrealistic. So the second possibility should be automatically ruled out…… which only leaves us with the first one]

[Lewes: A secret path…… is it. But, what will you do once you have found out the answer?]

[Subaru: If there is a secret path that anyone could use, then we can just move everyone in the Sanctuary outside the Barrier, and there’ll be no need to take the Trials]

Hearing Subaru’s outrageous proposal, Lewes dropped her jaw. Seeing her like this, Subaru waved his hands from side to side, [Right?]

[Subaru: Sure there are benefits to taking the Trials as well. Honestly, having benefitted quite a bit from it myself, I won’t deny that. But, the Trials―― or in this case, the past… it’d be ok to put it off for now, right? There are times when people shouldn’t be forced to face their pasts, don’t you think?]

[Lewes: You are talking about Emilia-sama? But hardships will not choose the right time to pay their visit. Running away now in the face of calamities would only be……]

[Subaru: I don’t mean running away forever. Just retreating in order to better prepare for the fight. That’s what they call a tactical retreat. There are times when we have to fight on unfavorable ground, but moving to more favorable grounds when possible is a good thing for both the person herself and those around her, isn’t it?]

Cutting off Lewes just as she tried to say something, Subaru continued stacking on justifications for running away, insisting that it isn’t always shameful to turn one’s back.

[Subaru: Even if she doesn’t face it now, one day Emilia will face it, no matter what. It may be ironic, but that Trial made her remember. So she must now choose to either forget or to accept it. And all I can do is to somehow make it less painful for her when she decides]

[Lewes: ……You speak of distancing her from suffering, yet you would not let her run away from the single most painful part]

[Subaru: Whether to run away from that part is her choice as well. But I believe that she…… Emilia will not do such a thing]

[Lewes: And what makes you trust her so? At least, it’s impossible for me. To see the way she came out of the Tomb, and still have such expectations of her]

[Subaru: Well, that’s because I love Emilia-tan to death, you know]

As Lewes continued to deny Emilia, Subaru casually said this as if it were nothing.

And though Lewes had already found herself speechless several times throughout this conversation, these last words left her the most awestruck up to this point.

Watching Lewes’ astonished face, Subaru smiled awkwardly, and scratched at his neck.

[Subaru: I love Emilia, and I think she’s super cute. So, I believe that this super-cute girl I fell for is the kind of girl who will overcome anything, no matter how hard or painful it may be. I expect and expect and expect this of her, and I believe that she will meet my expectations]

[Lewes: Th…… that isn’t an answer at all. No matter how much you like someone, there is nothing you can do about what is inside the other person’s heart. Su-bo, surely you know this……]

[Subaru: I do understand. Emilia is a girl. Not all parts of her are strong, and there are super small parts of her that are weak, and there might even be a chance that there’s a super super impossibly small ugly part in there as well]

[Lewes: Are you admitting there is or not……]

[Subaru: If I believe… that in spite of all her weak parts, it will be her strong parts that will shine through in the end… then that’s what devotion is, isn’t it?]

Inscribed into Subaru’s heart, was the belief that devotion was the strongest expression of love. And he had tasted the happiness of being on the receiving end of someone devoting her entire being to him as well. Therefore,

[Subaru: I will do anything for Emilia. I believe she will overcome her weak parts and find the strength to lift up her head, and I will work hard for that future where I get to rub it in everyone’s faces that I was right to believe in her]

[Lewes: ……But even so, she is the one who will be facing the most painful part of her heart, alone]

[Subaru: But that’s obvious, isn’t it? I can’t be at Emilia’s side when she faces her past. If I existed in her past, I’d take her hand while she’s sitting on the ground crying and pull her back up, and do everything I can to cheer her up. But I’m not there. What happened in her past had nothing to do with me. As much as I want to reach out my hand, it’s like someone watching a drama having no way to interfere with what’s happening on TV]

That was the truth. The past was the past, and no one could touch it.

Even the past that Subaru had faced and overcome, was only a fiction. He hadn’t conveyed a single thing to his real parents, and all he had gained was some sense of self-satisfaction.

But,

[Subaru: Compared to getting no bonus at all, it’s definitely better to get at least a little bonus. I can’t help her face her past while I’m stuck in the real world. But, her present-self can lend her own insufficient past-self a hand, couldn’t it? Lending yourself a hand isn’t against the rules, is it?]

[Lewes: ――――]

[Subaru: Even if I can’t help her directly, I’ll use my words and actions and affection and…… well I’d be really happy if I could have the highest place in Emilia’s heart, but she’s received all sorts of things from other people as well. At least, she has more now than the Emilia of the past. The more weapons she has at her disposal, the more she will be able to help her imperfect past. That’s how we can beat this Trial. The Trial’s difficulty was set based upon this premise, wasn’t it]

Having experienced this first-hand, Subaru could say this again no matter how many times he was asked.

[Subaru: I will help Emilia. I will do everything in my power to help her present-self overcome her past. And in order to achieve that goal, even if it means taking side paths or throwing caution out the window or cheating or paying real money for in-game credits, I will do it. That’s how I intend to help her]

[Lewes: Really…… that sure is a self-centered way to love someone]

[Subaru: I’m no herbivore or carnivore, you can just call me an omnivorous guy――!]

Snapping his fingers and sparkling his teeth with a wink, Subaru stuck up his thumb and struck out a pose.

Watching Subaru abruptly ending his speech like this, Lewes exhaled a long, long sigh as if giving up altogether.

[Lewes: That sure was a lot of pretty words for making an excuse for doing something sneaky]

[Subaru: Heheh]

[Lewes: Gobbledygook. …..I’m sorry, but I cannot tell you the details of the side path. However, I can tell you that it’s impossible to rely on it alone. The way Frederica left the Sanctuary was an exception. The others cannot do the same]

Lewes shook her head and turned down Subaru’s hopes. Subaru’s heart dropping at her words, his shoulders slumping and his knees falling to the floor―― didn’t really happen. Instead,

[Subaru: Oh. Can’t do it huh. I was thinking it’d be a great deal if that could work, but I guess it’s ok. Then, onto the next question……]

[Lewes: This might be a bit funny coming from me, but, you sure don’t like to give up, Su-bo]

[Subaru: If I gave up that easily, who knows how many times I would’ve had to sit in the Whale’s stomach by now. It’s a bit funny for me to say this too, but never giving up and the DEPTH OF MY LOVE are pretty much the only weapons I have, you know]

Subaru came out and announced his uselessness, and once again, Lewes only stood there stumped just as she had been many times already in the past hour. Subaru had to clap his hands with [Snap out’of it],

[Subaru: Even though I have all sorts of problems with this, I still realize that having Emilia reveal her true powers and smash right through the Trials would be the most epic-heroic way to do it. So, does the VETERAN-TRIALS-CHALLENGER-Lewes-san have some insider advice?]

[Lewes: Why do I get the feeling I’ve just been called something I’d rather not be called… And even if you ask me, I could only tell you that I don’t know. I’ve never taken the Trials, after all, so I couldn’t possibly know the answer to that]

[Subaru: Wuh?]

Tilting his head, Subaru let out a stupid groan in front of Lewes’ reply. But surely, just now, he had heard something he couldn’t let slide. After all,

[Subaru: Just now, might you perhaps have just enlightened me with the revelation that you have never taken the Trials?]

[Lewes: What’s with that polite-speak all of a sudden. It’s obvious, isn’t it? I am not allowed to challenge the Trials meant for those from outside the Sanctuary. It’s the same for the others too. At least, in the seventy years I have spent here, I have no knowledge of anyone attempting the Trials. Su-bo was the first]

[Subaru: Nonononoweirdweirdweird. Hold on, pause, wait, something’s weird all the information’s messed up. Please just gimme some time to balance the books in my head for a moment]

[Lewes: You got five minutes]

Gratefully nodding to Lewes’ unexpected patience, Subaru held his fingers to his temples and began desperately calling back his memories.

From the day before yesterday in the previous loop, up to the point when he first came back after passing the Trials, chewing over every minutest detail within his memory over that time,

[Subaru: ――Wha?]

In those memories, the “Inconsistencies” that shouldn’t have been there, he hadn’t noticed them until now.

His face contorting as he realized this fact, Subaru tried hard to contain the doubtful mutterings under his breath. [What’s going on?] But once the emerging suspicion had sprouted, there was nothing to stop it from taking root and flowering atop its stems.

In Subaru’s memories, Lewes said on the night before the Trials,

――No one had ever taken the Trials up to now. In the span of her entire life up to this point, there had never been a challenger.

In Subaru’s memories, immediately before the Trials, and immediately after, Lewes said,

――She had taken the Trials, failed to pass, but was still kicking around safe and sound, offering it as proof that there was no harm in challenging the Trials.

In the span of a single day, her statements had completely turned on its head.

It’d be a different matter if this was purely in emotional terms, but the contradicting contents pertained to life experiences and reality itself. Such a drastic directional change in information could only be pointing to perjury, or otherwise, a precalculated lie.

Still maintaining his thinking posture, Subaru turned his gaze up toward Lewes, who was playing with her pink hair, waiting. Watching her sitting on the bed, swinging her legs that weren’t long enough to touch the floor, looking as though she was searching for something to distract herself from boredom, one could almost forget that she was a granny at heart and mistake her for a genuine little girl.

Looking back on their interactions up to now, he really didn’t want to believe that she had been maliciously toying with him, but,

[Subaru: Even if some part of it was true, which ones can I believe?]

Usually, when faced with conflicting information, Subaru would just trust the words of those he wanted to trust, but he couldn’t make this judgment so lightly when it was Emilia’s fate resting on his decision. And much less so, considering this was a matter of life and death in the literal sense of the words. He must be cautious.

This was now the third time he and Lewes had discussed the topic of the Trials.

Once, she claimed to have challenged it, and twice, she denied any knowledge of anyone ever having taken it. Though this wasn’t something that could be decided by majority, her statements claiming that she knew nothing of the Trials seemed to be more believable.

Following from that assumption, she may have lied about the Trials to the worried Subaru out of consideration, just to put his mind at ease. But if that was the case, then she should have simply explained that it was a lie――

[Subaru: Unless there was some reason she didn’t do this…… maybe she’s starting to go senile……]

[Lewes: Just now, you seem to have arrived at some rather rude conclusions about me?]

[Subaru: If you could keep in mind my consistent past efforts to demonstrate my good intentions, and let that counterbalance my recent transgression, Subaru will be most grateful. Said Subaru with a stern expression on his face]

Watching Subaru mix his apologizing and clowning together, Lewes sighed, and, muttering [Ayeayeaye…], she tiredly shook her head,

[Lewes: So, did you get any answers out of that conversation with your heart?]

[Subaru: Answers or not, it’s more like I’ve arrived at a conclusion. Um, Lewes-san, did you happen to be worried about me? Like back outside the Tomb?]

[Lewes: Worried?]

Seeing Lewes merely repeating his word like a parrot, Subaru nodded [yeah] and effeminately touched his fingertips together like a girl, and,

[Subaru(girly voice): Y-you once said that you never took the Trials, but outside the Tomb you told me how you took the Trials and failed but it was no big deal, right? B-but you probably just said that because you were worried about me or unless it’s not like that and it’s just me but I just noticed it just now that’s all……]

[Lewes: ――Ahh, so it’s about that]

With a voice carrying an emotion as if having understood, Lewes interjected into Subaru’s cringe-worthy rapid-fire delivery. And, seeing Subaru furrow his brows in astonishment upon hearing the sound of her voice, she smiled, and,

[Lewes: Su-bo, I’ll let you in on something good. Consider it special]

[Subaru: Something good?]

[Lewes: Owing to my contract, I am forbidden to “Lie”. And so, whenever I am asked an inappropriate question, I could only choose to answer with silence. Without exceptions, this could not be changed for anyone’s sake. Lying is forbidden. And this is true for myself, as well as every single one of the residents of the Sanctuary]

[Subaru: You cannot… lie……?]

In front of her sudden confession, Subaru’s only impulse was confusion.

Because, if what Lewes said was true, then the premise of everything Subaru had considered so far would be turned on its head. Or rather, even before that, if what she said was true, then the whole situation that brought about his suspicions in the first place would have been completely self-contradictory.

――If she was incapable of lying, then how was it that she had created a situation that couldn’t have come about unless she lied?

[Subaru: Tha……]

[Lewes: Just now, I have already told the utmost limit of what I could tell you. I cannot answer any questions beyond that. Misery would befall us both if we violate the contract. If you wish to know more, instead of asking this ancient self who had stopped in her tracks, you should ask one of those who had ventured ahead]

Having been preemptively denied, Subaru could only close his opened mouth and fall back into silence.

Subaru had only been able to carry on this conversation by relying on Lewes’ goodwill, so once she had rejected him like this, there was nothing he could do. But she had also given him a hint as well.

By picking up that fact alone, Subaru keenly sensed that she had not been lying about her desire to be liberated from this place.

[Subaru: Understood, I won’t ask any more than that. Let’s change the topic… to something else]

[Lewes: You sure’re an odd one. You already know you can’t get anything else important out of me, and you still wish to drink tea and chat with an old-timer like me?]

[Subaru: I’ve already missed breakfast time, and there’s not much for me to do until Emilia-tan wakes up. I get pissed off just looking at Roswaal, Garfiel bares his fangs at me, and bantering with Otto’s way too exhausting, so I’ll just deepen my precious friendship with my Loli-Granny]

Standing up, Subaru collected the two cups of now thoroughly-cold tea and headed to the kitchen, followed by Lewes’ gaze,

[Subaru: Don’t worry. For a time, even though it was kinda short-term, I made a living as a servant in Roswaal’s Mansion, you know. They’ve taught me a thing or two about brewing tea, at least]

[Lewes: Hm. Then allow me to wait with expectations]

[Subaru: Uwa, PURESSHAー]

Saying this as he poured the tea into the teacups, he handed one to Lewes and returned to his seat. Facing each other, they sipped down the new tea, and,

[Lewes: Not too bad at all]

[Subaru: Even when I brew it myself I still just taste leaves. Now, for the new topic]

[Lewes: I won’t be listening if you want to continue the topic from before. But otherwise…… well, I would still respond to any other topics as earnestly as I could]

[Subaru: Alright, I’ll hold you to your words then]

Seeing a tinge of guilt forming on Lewes’ little face, Subaru’s lips twisted into a mischievous smile.

[Subaru: Do you know anything that bastard Garfiel’s scared of, or any stuff he hates? Like something that’ll make him faint soon as he sees them?]

[Lewes: Su-bo… have you ever noticed the way you try so hard is a little crooked?]

And, with that, he managed to put onto Lewes’ face the single most peculiar expression of the entire past hour.

※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※

After their conversation over tea came to an end, having cleaned up the cups, Subaru left the lonely Loli-Granny who claimed she wanted to be alone and came out of the house.

About an hour had passed, or perhaps a little longer, he thought. But, seeing that the sun that was supposed to have only just risen now hanging high up in the sky, and feeling that the temperature had grown warmer as well, it could easily have been longer than that.

Judging from bodily sensations alone, it was probably a little after 10am.

[Subaru: It’s a perfect sunny day for drying out a futon too, what a waste…… why do I get the feeling I’ve completely shed being a hikikomori with that thought just now!]

To think, that bathed under the light of the Sun, the first thing that came to his mind was doing laundry. As an archetype of the unhealthy slackers, this was utterly inconceivable. But, setting aside such sentiments for now,

[Subaru: It’s about time, Emilia should be waking up soon. She’s probably still scared from last night… I better take the chance to imprint some of my sense of presence while she’s weak]

Even while muttering this rather devious declaration, deep down, he genuinely worried about Emilia as he sped up his steps.

As soon as he could, and for as long as he could, he will stay at her side and comfort her.

Because, one way or another――

[Subaru: Tomorrow, I’ll have no choice but to leave her side]

This afternoon, Roswaal will formally put forth the proposal to free the refugees of Arlam. Then, if they begin preparations right away, they would be able to depart from the Sanctuary tomorrow.

Subaru will accompany them once again, for there was something he’d have to take care of at the Mansion.

[Subaru: If I want to know more, instead of asking someone who had halted their steps, I should be asking someone who had ventured ahead…… geez, that sure was a roundabout way to say it]

Of course, without saying it in this roundabout way, she wouldn’t have been able to convey what she wanted to convey.

Somewhat pitying her for having to go through all this trouble, Subaru let out a sigh, and sped up his steps once more,

[Subaru: I’ll be eagerly waiting to hear your stories about your good-for-nothing little brother and your troublesome hometown, Frederica!]

-=Chapter 29 End=-