To Kiss An Idol

179 The Right Decision

Nivritti kept explaining Jung-Hwa about the negative effects of going on self-diet. He had his head lowered while she kept scolding him.

“Fine!” replied Jung-Hwa. “I understood.”

“And listen to your hyungs,” scolded Young-Chul.

“Okay, I will,” replied Jung-Hwa.

“What?” all the members shouted in shock.

“Look at the sun, someone, look at the sun and tell me which direction it rose from,” teased Him-Chan. All started laughing at his tease.

“Ha-ha, so funny,” sulked Jung-Hwa.

“Do you know magic?” Korain asked Nivritti.

“Huh… what?” asked Nivritti.

.....

“He never listens to us. One word from you and he is all ‘okay’,” said Korain.

“Wow! You will be a great mother,” commented Thae.

Nivritti’s heart stopped. “What?” she mumbled.

“You ordered chocolates for every kid, even for us. You didn’t even forget a single person. And first, you scolded JJ but then explained why his decision is bad. You are fair and kind and treat everyone with respect. You will be a great mother,” explained Thae.

Nivritti gave him a fake smile and immediately looked away. “Um… you guys enjoy the chocolate. I will be back in a few minutes,” she said and stood up carefully.

“What happened, Ritti?” asked Jae-Hwa.

“Nothing! Just have to go to the bathroom,” replied Nivritti.

“Let me help you,” said Jae-Hwa and stood up.

“Sit down!” Nivritti cleared her throat as she was on the verge of crying. “I am fine.” And she started moving out of the room.

“What happened? Was she about to cry?” asked Thae, worriedly.

“No, you know she is still in pain. Maybe that’s what it was,” explained Kyung-Soo. But he knew the reason she acted this way. Thae’s sentence caused her pain. He had been looking at her since the moment she kept giving out the gift packets to every kid. She looked happy to see the kids happy.

She even laughed when kids called Jae-Hwa, aunty. Like a mother, a big sister, she even scolded Jung-Hwa for his stupid decision. She had all the qualities to be a good mother and she was about to be one, but she had to abort her pregnancy. That impacted her a lot and Thae’s words about her being a mother, hurt her again.

He saw when her face changed expressions and her eyes filled with tears. She again controlled herself and stopped herself from crying. Kyung-Soo closed his eyes and clenched his fists as he was unable to help her at that moment. He really wanted to hit Thae’s head for saying those things to Nivritti.

He kept staring at her trying to limp her way out of the room. No one except him knew that her heart was severely aching right now. He also knew that he could not run after her. He waited for a few minutes and closed his packet of chocolates.

“I too need to go to the bathroom. No one, take a single piece of chocolate from my box,” he ordered everyone and walked away. He reached the bathroom section and placed his ears on the door of the female washroom. There was no sound. He knocked to see if anyone was inside, but no one replied.

He sighed, “where is she?” suddenly a bulb lit over his head. Her favourite place to cry was the stairs. It was always secluded, and she could cry without anyone finding her there.

He immediately ran towards the stairs and opened the door. He sighed with relief after he could hear her sobs. Finally, he found her. His hunch was right. She was sitting on the stairs and facing towards the wall. But her sobs were muffled as he kept her face inside her palms.

He had no idea how to approach her. Was she still angry with him? How would she react after he approaches her? He pondered for a minute. But it was getting hard for him to see her crying. He walked up to her and softly sat next to her.

“I am sorry on TK’s behalf,” he said softly. But Nivritti kept sobbing. “Ritti!” He placed his hand over her shoulder and made her look at him. One look at him and she threw herself at him. She wrapped her arms around his broad chest and hid her face in his shirt.

Kyung-Soo raised his arms to his side in shock as she abruptly hugged him. He then sighed after realising that she always did that. That was her go to move. He was now wishing that he would have worn his white cashmere shirt as that shirt always provided her comfort whenever she cried.

He exhaled loudly and wrapped his arms around her back and kept patting her with adoration.

“I am sorry, really sorry. He should not have said that,” comforted Kyung-Soo. She kept sobbing in his arms.

For a few minutes, Kyung-Soo kept rubbing her back to calm her down whereas she buried her face in his chest and kept sobbing.

“It’s okay. I am here. Please calm down. I am sorry about Thae. He should not have said that. I will make sure no one talks to you about that,” he again comforted.

Nivritti slightly raised her head and looked at him. He moved his hands and softly wiped her tears. “It’s not his fault. He didn’t know,” sniffled Nivritti. “He has no idea that the woman he is calling a good mother is… a murderer.” She again hid her eyes with her palm and sobbed.

“Ritti! Please look at me,” he pleaded. She removed her hand and looked at Kyung-Soo. He again wiped her tears and caressed her cheeks. “You said that when you had the abortion it was just a zygote. It didn’t even become a foetus, then how did you kill a child? You even said that you were not ready to become a single other and also the societal pressure would not have let that child live a happy life. So why do you still feel guilty?”

“Because I am an idiot. Because I thought that my first love would be my last love. Because I thought my first love would succeed. Because I thought that I would grow old with my first love. Because I thought we would have fun with our kids. Because I thought I will live happily ever after with my husband and my kids. Because I thought my dreams could come true. But everything kept shattering one by one and all of that is my fault,” cried Nivritti.

“How is that your fault?” asked Kyung-Soo. “You loved him unconditionally. You gave him everything, your emotional, physical, your mental love. You even supported him financially. But instead of supporting you, he left you alone to deal with every problem. He didn’t even try to talk about your future, he just decided everything on his own. He didn’t even pay you the courtesy of telling you about his marriage on his own. Tell me this, would you have been happy to raise his kid by yourself, a man who didn’t even love you the way you loved him?”

Nivritti immediately stopped crying and looked at Kyung-Soo. She never really thought about that. Would she have been okay with raising Ritvik’s kid on her own? Would that kid have not made her remember her every heart break, every mental torture she experienced?

“Do you think you would have risen so highly in your job if you would have a single mother? You don’t even know if your family would have supported you. Would you have been able to raise that kid without any help? Don’t you think you would have resented that kid after years? Don’t you think his kid would have given him licence to harass you all your life?” asked Kyung-Soo.

Nivritti just kept staring at Kyung-Soo. All his points were valid but still, the heart in her chest was aching for a kid. The kid that she pictured in her arms, the kid that she pictured running all around her house, the kid that she pictured growing up before her eyes.

“One thing I know for sure is that was a no-win situation. Either you would have given birth to your kid and become a single parent or abort the pregnancy and feel guilty about it. Both the options would have led to your sadness. Ritvik would have a reason to be in your life even if you didn’t want it. Just look at your situation now, he has no reason to pester you, he is married to someone else, but still, he keeps harassing you. Imagine what he would have done if you gave birth to his child. Did you want to uproot your child every few years to get away from him? Did you want to have a long custody battle? I really think that decision that you took at that time was the right one.”

“What?” asked Nivritti.

“Now, you have a good job, good friends, your family is with you. If you really want to be a mother, adopt a child. Now you have a whole village, we all will help you raise that child. Ritvik won’t come for the child and your family can help with the child,” explained Kyung-Soo.

Tears started falling from her eyes. She contorted her lips and grabbed Kyung-Soo’s shirt. She rested her head on his chest and tears kept falling down her face. “Thank you for your kind words,” she cried.