The Righteous Player(s)

Chapter 502: Master Newton, Wake Up!

“Anyone there?” Suuankou gently pushed the door open and shouted, “Can I come in?”

However, there was no response.

From the outside, the house looked massive. However, it was so simple that everything felt abstract. After Suuankou opened the door, it seemed huge and real immediately.

To put it into words, it was like a country house being enlarged four-folds.

It looked like a giant’s home.

Suuankou stepped cautiously into the front porch.

The floor was made up of dark red wooden planks that creaked when stepped on.

The lighting in the room was dim.

The light source was not Green Fire but a crystal chandelier made of light ants. The ceiling was pitch black, and the room was not brightly lit. Instead, the brightness resembled a dimly-lit “bedside lamp”.

The corridor by the front door alone was more than ten meters long.

As Suuankou threaded one step at a time slowly to the end, he saw a living room.

There was a massive table with a height of 2.5 meters.

Suuankou even wondered if he had been shrunk.

He could not even see what was on the table. Since the light source was relatively dim, even the shadow of what was on the table was not cast.

Three chairs surrounded the table.

The shortest chair was also the largest. It looked like a slightly higher bed that even Suuankou could climb on.

The second shortest chair had an unusually soft seat that looked like jelly. Before Suuankou touched it, it was already bouncing left and right.

It looked like if he jumped on it, the chair might fall to the ground, or he would bounce to the ceiling.

He could reach the table after jumping to the highest chair.

“Is it a platform game [1] this time?” Suuankou sighed deeply.

He felt like his first death in this dungeon instance was approaching.

He climbed onto the hard and thick “bed”.

His upcoming destination was quite far away from him, which was about 3 meters in length and 0.5 meters higher.

But considering he could latch on to the edge, it did not seem too challenging.

Thus, Suuankou retreated a couple of steps on the hard bed before leaping into the air.

He barely reached the second chair; it was a near miss.

Instead, his calf hit the edge of the chair, and he knelt on it.

However, Suuankou did not feel any pain in his knee.

Instead, the second chair was as soft as a spring. It bent almost into a downward U shape along Suuankou’s landing momentum.

It was like a pitcher throwing a baseball.

Suuankou felt a massive force coming from under him.

The soft seat under him suddenly bounced back to its original shape.

“What the hell?!” Suuankou exclaimed.

He did not even have time to react and was knocked into the air instantly in an unrealistic manner.

Then, there came a crisp collision. Suuankou was stuck to the ceiling.

The severe pain made his mind go blank. It was only later that he realized that many sharp objects had stabbed into his chest, and blood was dripping down.

—Above the chandelier made of light ants’ secretions were many fang-like metal spikes hidden in the dark ceiling.

Suuankou was thrown into a trance.

Then, he found himself standing at the door of the house again.

As his health points were fully restored, his erosion rate increased by one again.

“Damn!” Suuankou couldn’t help but complain, “I did not expect that to happen.”

That had gone beyond “logical bouncing force”!

—Master Newton, wake up!

After witnessing such a ridiculous way to die, the spectating players laughed themselves silly.

“—The chair would complain: No, sir, he made a move first.”

“—I never imagined Brother Koutsu would crash his head on a chair and die today.”

“—Chair: Abba Abba Abba.”

[TN: An internet meme among the Chinese community mimicking the silly response of a baby.]

“—Brother Koutsu, next time you have to jump out of the car!”

[TN: A meme picture jumping off a car [2].]

…

Even after seeing the bullet text that ridiculed and mocked him flash past his eyes, Suuankou still felt peaceful in his heart.

He realized he had gradually gotten used to it.

It was like how he used to feel when playing those platformer games.

The more he died, the more he got used to it.

So, why didn’t some players stream?

Their goal was to avoid this situation!

Because when it was time to fail, it was bound to happen.

But as long as the player did not turn on the live broadcast, no one could laugh at them!

“Don’t panic. I have fully mastered the knack of this dungeon instance.” Suuankou murmured to himself in a deep voice and pushed open the door.

His previous death was not completely worthless.

When Suuankou flew to the highest point, he seemed to see three bowls of soup on the table.

The bowls offered a bad vibe.

The largest bowl contained bone broth.

The second largest bowl contained scrappy soup.

The smallest bowl had a meat broth.

The smallest bowl was about the same size as a standard large portion in the market. The medium bowl was already the size of a basin, and the large bowl was at the level of a pot. Worse still, it was the large pot typically used in restaurants, not the standard wok at home.

“Fuck, it’s actually ‘medium’, ‘large’, and ‘extra large’!” Suuankou could not help but complain.

It was just that Suuankou saw the shape of the “skull” in the largest bowl, which made him uneasy.

If he had guessed correctly, this level was about choosing between the three options. He had to drink the soup in one of the bowls to pass the level. Two of the bowls were supposed to be death traps.

“—I remember it now. I’ve read this in the fairy tale!

“—Remember to drink the smallest bowl of soup and sleep on the smallest bed!”

Finally, a Walkthrough Guide Brethren spoke in the bullet text.

This time, it was neither Annan nor Longjing Tea who spoke.

On the contrary, the two of them did have childhood experiences with fairy tales. Apart from fairy tales like Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland and Candy House, Annan had no memories of the Three Little Bears’ fairy tale.

However, Annan could find out who spoke up.

As Annan glanced at the backend interface, his expression became a little weird.

Unexpectedly, the brethren who offered a guide was Citalopram.

Could it be that she told Jiu Er this fairy tale before?

Knowing that there was no one in the room this time, Suuankou walked less cautiously.

He hurried back to the living room and went to bed skillfully.

After sprinting a little to boost his jump, Suuankou landed steadily on the second chair.

“Awesome!” He couldn’t help but exclaim tremblingly.

The second chair bounced the next moment, pinning him to the ceiling.

Suuankou returned to the door of the house again.

“Okay, I get it now. Trust me, this time. You can’t stop in the middle, but you must jump continuously.” Suuankou cheered up and went back to the first bed again.

Sprinting a couple of steps forward, he leaped onto the second chair. Without the slightest pause, he jumped again. The momentum from the second chair enabled him to land easily on the third chair.

That was also the tallest and smallest chair.

It appeared like a potato being stuck on three bamboo poles.

In the current state, Suuankou could already see the desktop.

Even the smallest bowl was within reach.

“Hu.” Suuankou breathed a sigh of relief in the end.

He slowly sat down on the chair and subconsciously reached out to prop his elbows on the table.

However, at this moment, he suddenly heard a crisp “snap” from the chair.

The chair had cracked.

Suuankou grabbed the table subconsciously. Then, the table, together with the dishes on it, fell backward with Suuankou.

His vision went dark again, and he returned to the room’s door.

“Fuck, am I the Witcher [3]? How can a chair two meters high drop me to death?” Suuankou blurted out.

“So, I have to get on the table in the end?

“Seeing how things unfolded, do I have to run to the middle of the table, or will the table still fall?

“Is this [Geralt: Death Comes Special DLC]?”

This nightmare was ridiculous.

It was not as dangerous as the “ballroom”, where there was no time to speak, and he was being chased around.

However, this level was not easy.

But anyway, he would get closer to the “correct solution” every time he died.

Although he did not say it out, Suuankou always found it pointless to win by luck like Jiu Er.

Every time Suuankou died, he would grow.

Then, it was not a loss to sacrifice a life.

After all, Suuankou was a player.