Imperfect Desires

577 Hate

-Xin Villa-

Xin Zimen was tired of pretending to look through his iPad but apparently, his elder brother wasn't tired of staring at his face. It had been over an hour in this silence and yet both brothers had not shared a single sentence with each other.

"Did you come here to stare at me?"

Finally, Xin Zimen couldn't take it anymore as he put his iPad down and turned his attention to his elder brother who in turn smirked. It was as if Xin Zemin felt accomplished over the fact that the first to talk in this tense atmosphere was his little brother.

"I didn't think you'd like to talk to me, so I really came just to look at you," answered Xin Zemin calmly. "You rarely get sick. So, I was worried that's why I just came to see you."

Zizi rubbed his temples as he said, "Your wife said you still hate me, why aren't you acting like that? If you hate me, just keep on hating. There is really no need to show how much you care about me."

"Why not? Even though you gave me a hundred reasons to hate you, at the end of the day, you're still my little brother. My only little brother."

Hearing Xin Zemin's words, Zizi ended up snickering. They both had openly hated each other for so long that he was finding it weird that his elder brother actually wanted to show some brotherly care after all these years.

"You know, I hate the fact that you grew up," began Xin Zemin with a sad grimace. "When you were little, you're such a cute brother. Whenever you'd get sick you'd hold my hand and not let me leave. You always followed me around like a shadow but now, you don't even wish to see my shadow."

"It was my fault for following you like a shadow. It was indeed my fault otherwise I wouldn't have been left as just your shadow," Zizi's voice sounded slightly brittle.

"Little brother..." Xin Zemin's voice was very low as he continued, "Do you know how envious I had been of you?" Zizi's brows knitted up. "You have always lived your life at your own conditions. You broke every rule and every stereotype that our parents had expected from us. You did everything that you wanted; Always following your heart." He took a brief pause as he added, "Even now I'm quite envious of you... You not only have two sons but also a granddaughter now."

"What is there to be envious of? Don't you already have everything? You have the parents who love you the most. The whole Xin Clan that admires you, respects you."

"The respect you as well."

Zizi laughed at that bitterly, "Respect? That's fear. They are scared of me. The respect that comes from the heart and the one that comes from fear are two very different things. Not that it matters to me."

Xin Zimen stayed quiet in response. He had a lot to say but he felt like it was pointless. No matter how he said it, he'd still stay as the black sheep of the family. After all, he wasn't as great as his elder brother. He neither was as smart as his elder brother nor was he as well-mannered as his elder brother. In fact, he was just never as good as his elder brother.

Xin Zemin stood up to leave as he said, "It's good to see that you're feeling better now. Take care of your health." He had turned around but paused to add, "I know no matter how many times I say it, it won't bring back your daughter. But I'm still very sorry about what happened back then."

Zizi slammed his hand on the table as his teeth clenched tightly. He was furious. "I told you never to bring her up! Do you really think I'll forgive you for that?!" historical

"I'm not asking for forgiveness. I know that's not possible since I can't bring her back to life but I just want to make it clear that it was never my intention to hurt you, or your family. Why would I ever want to hurt my little brother?"

His hands balled into fists as he roared, "Leave! Before I really forget my manners, please leave!"

Xin Zemin wanted to say something but he noticed the blood veins getting prominent in his little brother's eyes, he held himself back. His words would only make it worse. He wasn't scared of his brother's anger, he was just scared of being the reason for a painful reminder. But he still ended up reminding him of those painful memories.

Watching his elder brother's receding back, Xin Zimen ended up breaking down. Yes, he hated his elder brother for a lot of other things but the worst was the reason that in one way or another if it wasn't for Xin Zemin, his daughter would be alive now. And if his daughter would have been alive, then his wife wouldn't have died an untimely death as well. Because of his brother's one moment of selfishness, he lost two most important people in his life. How was he supposed to forget it all?

If he didn't blame anyone for that incident, he'd go crazy. He needed a person to blame, to hate and that person became his brother.

"Dad..."

Taking a deep breath, he looked over at his son and tried to smile but it looked quite forced.

"Did you fight with Uncle Min again?" asked Ah-Si as he came to his father's side.

"We don't always fight," replied Xin Zimen. He patted Ah-Si's back as he added, "Don't worry about it."

"I don't really care whether you fight with him or not. If you get angry, you must have your own reasons for that." Xin Zimen was taken aback to hear those words from his youngest son. "I'm just worried about your health. Yesterday, your fever was also because of stress. I don't want to see you suffer as mom did."

Ah-Si's emotions were quite palpable on his face. One could see he was hurting inside seeing his father like this. Since Xin Zimen had always been the strongest person for him, it was really painful for him to see his father struggling on his own with his emotions and feelings. Especially when he had seen it all with his mother back then as well. He was quite young but kids had always been sensitive to emotions, he could still remember how his mother's health slowly deteriorated right before his eyes. He didn't want to go through the same pain all over again with his father.

Xin Zimen's face softened up as he rubbed his head gently saying, "Do you miss mom that much?"

"Of course, I do. Bro is getting married. If mom was alive, our house would be so lively right now."

"Hmmm... That's true." Xin Zimen nodded his head. "If she was alive, our house would be really..." Shaking his head, he left his words unsaid. "Where is your daughter? I haven't seen her in days, are you even planning on getting her back or not?"

As his father suddenly changed the topic, Ah-Si didn't continue it either. "I want to but Nora said she'd like to spend a little more time with her. I'll bring her tomorrow."

"I don't mind my daughter-in-law wanting to spend time with my granddaughter but I also want to play with that little bun," said Xin Zimen and smiled at Ah-Si. "Did Ying leave?"

Ah-Si nodded his head, "Yes. Ying Jie's boyfriend called. She talked for a while with him then she left, instructing me to take care of you. Actually she threatened me to be a filial son and take care of my father blah blah blah. It was a long lecture, I lost her halfway around."

Xin Zimen chuckled, "That is so like you, dear son."

Ah-Si wasn't even embarrassed to hear that as he held his father's arm and said, "Come, I'll take you inside. It's so cold outside in the evening and yet you're still here. How will you get better at this rate?"

"But I'm all better now... Cough!" As if on cue, he coughed making Ah-Si's eyes squint at him

"See! How is this all better? You're just looking for trouble!"

"It's not because of cold though. I was just a little agitated earlier."

"All the more reason for you to come inside and rest. If you can't take care of yourself for yourself, do it for me. If that is also not possible, then do it for your granddaughter. You still have to spoil your granddaughter for years."

Xin Zimen laughed out, "You as a father would do a better job."

Ah-Si shook his head saying, "Nope. Since I was never spoiled by my grandparents, I don't want my daughter to go through the same thing. So, you better pay attention to your health."

Xin Zimen looked at his son with a complicated look in eyes before nodding, "I'd do that."