Cultivation Chat Group (Web Novel)

Chapter 1012: Quickly find a girlfriend and don’t get any idea of my Chu Chu!

Translator: GodBrandy Editor: Kurisu

Night fell.

Song Shuhang finished practicing the ❮Scholarly Indestructible Body of the Buddha❯ and the ❮Righteous Body Tempering Poem❯, increasing the strength of his constitution a little. Then, he meditated a little, and concluded tonight’s training.

Since he would soon transcend his tribulation, the practice of the ❮Thirty-Three Divine Beasts’ Technique❯ was controlled so as to avoid carelessly going overboard and making the heavenly tribulation come down.

After concluding his practice, Song Shuhang lay on the bed with his eyes closed, resting his mind. With his current strength, unless he had consumed a great deal of energy, he didn’t really need to sleep.

The first day of the university had come to an end.

This afternoon, after bailing out Demon Monarch Nirvana’s disciple, Dulan, Immortal Fairy Bie Xue had brought Song Shuhang all around the Jiangnan area, retrieving a few special ingredients from some fellow daoists.

After collecting the ingredients, she brought Song Shuhang and Shi back to Jiangnan University Town. Then, she went ahead and prepared a table’s worth of spiritual dishes that even ordinary people could eat, putting everything in a lunch box and handing it over to Song Shuhang.

As for the crocodile leg, it would be ready only tomorrow.

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Demon Monarch Nirvana will also come over tomorrow. Hopefully, I can quickly get my hands on those tribulation-transcending formations, Song Shuhang thought to himself as he gazed at the moon in the sky.

Only after his tribulation-transcending formations were ready would he be able to relax a little.

Just as he was in deep thought, his mobile phone suddenly vibrated.

He unlocked it, and noticed that it was a message from Su Clan’s Sixteen. [Are you asleep?]

[Not yet, I just finished meditating. Before transcending the tribulation, I can only do my best to strengthen my mental energy. What about you?] Song Shuhang replied.

[I just finished practicing saber techniques. Next, I’ll sit in meditation and practice until tomorrow morning,] Su Clan’s Sixteen replied. She had just advanced to the Fourth Stage, and aside from learning how to ride a flying saber, she would pass most of the time stabilizing her realm.

Song Shuhang asked, [Do you have any class tomorrow morning? We have two classes, on the third and fourth period.]

[I don’t, I have classes only in the afternoon. Anyway, school life is very beneficial to me, especially for my mood,] Su Clan’s Sixteen said. The first day in university had allowed her to relax and improve her mood, which was good for stabilizing her realm.

[Ahaha~ It’s good if you can benefit from it. Right, Sixteen, do you want to have dinner with me tomorrow evening?] Song Shuhang said. Immortal Fairy Bie Xue should have finished cooking the crocodile leg by tomorrow evening, and he could let Sixteen have a taste of it as well.

After a while, Su Clan’s Sixteen replied, [Mm-hm.]

Then, she also added, [Good night.]

[Good night,] Song Shuhang replied.

After concluding his conversation with Su Clan’s Sixteen, Song Shuhang got out of bed and headed to the fifth floor.

Loli Shi was residing on the fifth floor. While attending university and experiencing school life in order to find an opportunity to jump through the dragon gate, she also lived in the same building as Shuhang.

In the living room, Loli Shi was looking at the TV with rapt attention. She was so engrossed in it that she didn’t even notice Song Shuhang’s arrival.

“Shi, it’s 11 PM, time to sleep. We have class tomorrow morning,” Song Shuhang said gently. Since after Shi had come here, he had gradually transitioned to the role of a ‘senior’, and his mental age had been increasing incessantly.

“Eh? It’s 11 PM already?” Shi blinked her eyes. Then, she glanced at the TV, where a TV series was being broadcast, and a conflicted expression appeared on her little face.

From the looks of it, she still wanted to watch the TV. But after pondering for a moment, she gritted her teeth and resolutely switched off the TV.

“Self-control, self-control! If I don’t even have this much self-control, how am I going to deal with the tribulation of the Inner Demon later?” Shi talked to herself.

Then, she seemingly exhausted her whole strength to place the remote control on the table, proceeding toward her room with firm steps. “Senior Brother Shuhang, good night.”

“Good night.” Song Shuhang waved his hand.

Next, Song Shuhang glanced at the room next to Shi’s—it was Little Cai’s room. Little Cai had gone to sleep very early. Today, she had followed Fairy Dongfang Six all around Jiangnan area, and she was dead-tired.

Song Shuhang nodded, very satisfied.

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After taking a look at Shi and Little Cai, Song Shuhang returned to his room.

He lay on the bed and closed his eyes, starting to recall his recent experiences and gains.

Speaking of which, he had encountered a monster fox in the forbidden area, who seemed to be the inheritor of the Thirty-Three Divine Beasts’ Sect. Back then, he was planning to go to meet the teacher of that monster fox, probably a member of the Thirty-Three Divine Beasts’ Sect, and settle the karma of the ❮Encyclopedia of Animal Taming❯.

Nevertheless, it was unknown where Senior White Two had sent the opposite after seizing it, and as for Senior White Two, he hadn’t appeared for the whole day today…

Forget it. Now, he could only wait for Senior White Two to appear again and ask him about the monster fox. Hopefully, the monster fox was safe and sound.

Night gradually fell.

At this time, it was already around 3 AM.

Song Shuhang, who wasn’t sleepy in the least, wondered if he should go on the roof to practice saber techniques.

But right at this time, his phone rang.

He took out his phone, and he discovered that it was an unknown number.

Who was bothering him this late at night?

Song Shuhang casually swiped on the screen, and answered the call.

He had nothing to do at this time, and if it was really some kind of harasser, he could relieve his boredom.

“Meow~” The high-pitched cry of a cat was transmitted from the other side.

“…” Song Shuhang kept silent for a moment. “Who is it? Speak in human language, or I’m hanging up.”

“Woof, woof, woof~” The meowing turned into barking.

“Doudou?” Song Shuhang asked in puzzlement.

“Ahaha, woof~ Shuhang, you haven’t forgotten this dog god, I’m touched. Anyway, how was my meowing just now?” Doudou’s voice was transmitted from the other end.

A pekingese learning how to meowing? You must be really bored!

Song Shuhang sighed. “Why did you call me this late at night?”

Doudou said, “It’s night at your place? It’s daybreak at my current location. I was bored, and I decided to call you to have a chat. I pondered for a bit, and I didn’t any find person with interests similar to mine. Then, I finally thought of you.”

“…” Song Shuhang.

A dog looking for you in the middle of the night to chat… For some reason, it sounded somewhat sad.

Song Shuhang sighed again. “Alright, what do you want to talk about?” Doudou would soon marry a man, and it was understandable if he had a ‘premarital syndrome’ or something of the sort. Since he had nothing to do, he might as well accompany him for a chat.

“In that case… right, let’s chat about your girlfriend. Last time, when you went to the Crystal-Clear Water Pavilion, you got yourself a girlfriend that turned out to be a ghost, right? How is your life with your girlfriend now? How do you feel when you think about the fact that your girlfriend has already died and turned into a ghost? Do you feel the same as Ling Ye in the movie ❮Apocalypse War❯? Let’s talk about this topic today,” Doudou said.

“…” Song Shuhang. Talk your ass!

“Playing dead? C’mon, say something! Is this possible that you don’t want to discuss this topic? Woof~ Alright, let’s talk about something else then. I’ve heard that you started going to university. Did you get yourself a new girlfriend, or are you still single?” Doudou said again.

“It’s only been one day since it started. What do you think?” Song Shuhang said.

“Too weak. A real man can pick up a girl in one hour and make a baby in one day~ How about I give you a piece of advice? After all, I’m very experienced when it comes to handling girls. Let me think a little… Ah, right. That girl called Shi is living with you, right? Don’t look down on my information network; it’s excellent. Anyway, have you thought about picking up Loli Shi? She’s very cute, and also very sensible. If you get sentenced to three years in jail, you make a big profit. If you get the death penalty, you wouldn’t have suffered a loss, either. Lolicons have been in vogue during the past few years,” Doudou said.

“…” Song Shuhang kept silent.

“Still refusing to speak? Does Loli Shi not conform to your tastes? Geez, you humans are too picky. In that case, what about Su Clan’s Sixteen? I heard that she also followed you to Jiangnan University Town. Back then, you played the role of the knight in shining armor and saved her, leaving a deep impression on her. Moreover, she’s very cute. You would surely gain big time if you managed to get together with her! Think about it… with her build, Sixteen will age very slowly, while you’ll become an uncle in a few years. At that time, you and Sixteen will look like a father-daughter pair while being, in fact, lovers. Doesn’t it sound exciting?” Doudou said.

Father-daughter pair your ass! Uncle also your ass!

Song Shuhang sighed faintly. “Doudou, what are you trying to do in the end? If you keep up with this, I’ll hang up and blacklist your number.”

Doudou kept silent.

After a short moment…

“Woof. Shuhang, you are less entertaining than before. You were much more adorable the first time we met, to the point that you even played the ‘is your mother a monkey’ game with me,” Doudou said.

The corner of Song Shuhang’s mouth twitched. “Doudou, everyone grows up. Anyway, enough chit-chat. I’ll give you three seconds to tell me what you want. Otherwise, I’m hanging up and adding you to the blacklist.”

Doudou said, “Woof, alright. Actually, I wanted to tell you that my in-game wife, Chu Chu, has secretly run to Jiangnan University Town to check the place. She said that she will absolutely get admitted there next year. Today, while gaming together, she asked me in which class I was. As such, I feigned to lose my Internet connection and ran away. Song Shuhang, I’m warning you! Quickly find a girlfriend and don’t get any idea of my Chu Chu!”

Was it about that cute girl that Doudou had picked up online?

“…” Song Shuhang said, “Quickly practice to the Fifth Stage Realm and gain the ability to assume human form!”

“F*ck, do you think it’s that easy? It’s very difficult to advance to the Fifth Stage Realm, and I’ve been stuck in my current realm for many years already,” Doudou said, somewhat depressed. “After advancing to the Fifth Stage, I’ve decided to assume a human appearance very similar to yours. At that time, my Chu Chu won’t suspect anything, and I can just say that I’m your twin brother.”

Song Shuhang was at a loss for words.

He absolutely had to come up with a plan for when Doudou advanced to the Fifth Stage. There was no way in hell he could let him assume his appearance. Otherwise, with his disposition, Doudou would seek death everywhere, and Song Shuhang would have to deal with the aftermath later.

Song Shuhang said, “Speaking of bottlenecks, I wanted to tell you something, Doudou. I’ll soon face the heavenly tribulation of the Fourth Stage. In other words, I’m about to catch up to your realm.”

When they first met, Doudou—a great of the Fourth Stage—was someone absolutely amazing in Song Shuhang’s eyes. His power was incredible, and he looked awe-inspiring as he chased after Demon Monarch Anzhi.

Now, without even realizing, he was about to catch to Doudou’s realm.

This was the power of time!

Doudou kept silent for a moment, and then said, “I have a very vulgar sentence I want to say. Should I say it?”

“Hehe.” Song Shuhang said calmly, “In addition, I need to remind you of another matter. You are about to marry a man, Doudou.”

“F*ck you!” Doudou clenched his teeth, and said.

“Since you wanted to chat about partners, let’s chat about your soon-to-be husband. True Monarch Yellow Mountain said that he would marry you off before advancing to the Seventh Stage, and since he’s going to face his tribulation soon… it means that you, too, will marry very soon. Did the bride already get to see the bridegroom?” Song Shuhang counterattacked.

“F*ck you!” Doudou suddenly sighed. “I haven’t. Stupid Yellow Mountain didn’t tell me who the other party is. From beginning to end, he has been silently arranging the wedding ceremony, and now, he’s almost done. I’m very anxious at the moment. At first, I thought that Phoenix Slayer might be the marriage partner, but he denied the possibility. I’m super worried.”

Exactly what you would expect from the founder of the Nine Provinces Number One Group, True Monarch Yellow Mountain. He was able to make Doudou this worried!

“Shuhang, do you think I’m really a female dog?” Doudou said in a grave tone, “The more I thought about this matter in the past few days, the more I felt that there was something wrong. At this time, I feel as though my brain is about to explode. Anyway, let me tell you another thing… in the past few days, even my posture while peeing changed. At first, I used to raise my leg while peeing, but recently, I started to squat down. When I noticed it, I was terrified. I felt as though I had really turned into a female dog. Luckily, when I lowered my head, I discovered that my little Doudou was still there.”

“…” Song Shuhang. How should I reply to such a profound question?

“Shuhang, what to do if I really change into a dog girl?” Doudou asked.

“I think that you won’t turn into a dog girl unless you undergo a sex change operation,” Song Shuhang said. “In addition, even though True Monarch Yellow Mountain said that he would marry you to a man, he’ll likely marry you to a dog girl in the end.”

“Your words brought me great relief.” Doudou heaved a sigh of relief. “Actually, I’m not scared of marrying a dog girl. After all, I’m a dog that dreams of building a harem. Even if I marry this dog girl, I’ll force her to become a member of my harem in the future. Woof, woof~ After I advance to the Fifth Stage, I’ll find lots of girls of my liking and marry them all! Woof, woof, woof, woof~”

“…” Song Shuhang.

“Right, Shuhang, can you help me get an idea of what stupid Yellow Mountain is thinking? I want to know if he wants to marry me off to a dog girl or not,” Doudou said.

“Alright, I’ll ask True Monarch Yellow Mountain when I meet him,” Song Shuhang said.

“Good brother. Shuhang, getting to know you was the best thing that happened in my life,” Doudou said. “This dog god will firmly keep in mind your kindness. After you tell me that information, this dog god will give you a big reward. A really, really big reward!”

“I’m happy as long as you don’t cause trouble for me.” Song Shuhang sighed.

After concluding his call with Doudou, Song Shuhang placed his phone down.

But right at this time, someone knocked on the door downstairs.

Who was knocking on the door this late at night?!

Song Shuhang raised his head and looked downward.

Then, he saw that True Monarch White Crane was standing in front of the door, with its wings sprouting from its back. At this time, it looked somewhat anxious.