Card Apprentice Daily Log

Chapter 823 Insecurities

　　Time- 22:57

　　Location- Sky Blossom City, Guild Association Mall, Warehouse no.234, Card Lab

　　Leading Asong up to the card lab, I walk into the lab after her. Getting comfy on a futon Asong said, "I take it you already know Anna has a bus full of ex-lovers, but I have never seen her so head over heels for someone until I met you. What's your secret?" 

　　Susan had neatly arranged the ingredients in the lab, while going through them I answered Asong, "Secret? Honestly, I don't know what Anna sees in someone like." 

　　"So your lack of trust is the reason why your relationship with Anna did not progress to the next stage." Asong in her time has seen many relationships, and they all had problems that stemmed from the same source, trust issues, and her friend's relationship was no different. Hearing the doubt in her friend's love interest Asong knew that the problem lay with him, as for Anna, she was ready to go all-in. Having figured that out till here, keeping the health of her friend's love life in mind she asked, "So what is it that is holding you back?" 

　　"I thought we were in here to create your origin card, not a relationship counseling," I said turning to look at Asong seated on her futon.

　　"We are here for that but it would not hurt if we talked about your trust issues, right?" Said Asong.

　　"Wow, aren't you brave for trying to dig up the emotional scars of the guy who will be pulling your last straw for a long and healthy life, your origin card." I scorned Asong for trying to turn an origin card creation session into a counseling session. 

　　"Okay then, so why do you keep taking a step back when Anna takes one step forward? You do know that for this relationship to work you have to meet her in middle." Asong ignored my scorn as a classic lass out from the patients who does not want to speak about their problems and whet ahead to question me what was holding me back from taking the hand that Anna was extending.

　　"..." She wasn't the only one who knew to ignore others I too could do that. So I ignored her and continued to go through the ingredients and arrange them in the order I planned to use them. 

　　"You know the faster you participate the sooner this will be over," Asong indirectly warned me that she won't stop asking until I voluntarily participated in her heart-to-heart. Which seemed one side as I was the only one being asked to share my feelings. I could ask her to share her feelings too but I didn't give a damn about them. Women, I tell you, they love making other people's business their business. 

　　"..." I don't heed Asong's warning and continued to go through the ingredients and arrange them but Asong spoke, saying, "Wyatt, you know how difficult it is to fit in the top university meant for a card apprentice when you aren't one, the students and professors felt I didn't belong there and hated me because the felt I was occupying the place of hard-working eligible card apprentice who got rail roaded because I used back door to take one spot in the limited enrollment of the university. 

　　When I decided to enroll in the MorningStar university with an iron grade grimoire I knew that It was going to be tough but I didn't know how tough until I actually attend the university. It is hard to be in a place where nobody wants you, especially if you are a helpless little girl, it felt like the whole world is rejecting me for not being a card apprentice. No matter how much I steeled my heart and mind the constant rejection I faced in the university finally got to me and I planned to quit, but when I was about to apply for a college transfer, a girl walked up to me and said, 'Hey, follow me you can apply for a college transfer tomorrow.'

　　Back then Anna had the reputation as a bully, so out of fear I decided to follow her and that day onwards I never felt the need to apply for a transfer again. As with her, I found my group of misfits and together we ruled the campus until our graduation. Those were some fun times.

　　And because I was able to persist that day, now the MorningStar university has a few reserved seats for outstanding mortals with high achievements," Asong narrated. 

　　"So what's the point?" I asked about the point of Asong's story forgetting that I had decided to ignore her. Well, that wasn't going to work anyway since I had to help create her origin card. 

　　"That is how much Anna is important to me, so you better believe it when I said I would not stop until you open up," Asong said with a gentle smile but I could feel a stubborn fire in her eyes. 

　　"Fine, you want to know why I am hesitating? First, I don't even know if I want to be in a relationship with everything going around me and second is that I am afraid. Afraid that once we take the next step in our relationship, Anna is going to realize that what she felt for me was not love but obsession which was no longer present now that she got what she wanted. And would discard what we have built together like one of her old toys, which no longer interests her as she got new ones to play with." irritated by Asong's question I finally opened up about my insecurities to her. 

　　"First, you cannot pause living your life just because you have a lot of things going on around you, and second, how do you know that it is Anna who will dump you for such a silly reason, it could be some other reason or it could be you who dumps her. All I am trying to say is you won't know until you give it a try. Nothing is set in stone, so don't miss out because of your fears and if it doesn't work out between the two of you then move on, that is how a mature relationship works," hearing my worries Asong barely managed to hold back her laughter and then explained to me that, my worries were only of concern if I were to give it a try but if I were to continue to stall and do nothing then these worries of mine were nothing but shackles that I created out of fear.

　　In conclusion, according to Asong I should stop holding myself back by worrying about things I cannot control and jump in head first and experience the ups and downs of life with a positive attitude.